Mumsnet Talk

My friend (we work together) is constantly going on about her "diet" and how she desperately needs to lose weight and was even trying to get slimming pills off the doctor etc. She's a size 20. We always eat lunch together and I'm sorry but her eating habits just really, really annoy me. She'll buy a huge pot of pasta and literally gobble it down in about a minute, she'll then wolf down a packet of crisps and then pop to the vending machine and buy a chocolate bar and then quite often she'll go to the bakery and buy a massive muffin. Now what she eats is her business and I don't care about her size but to go on and on about dieting and then eat like a pig really, really annoys me.
I just can't stand greed. A few weeks back someone brought in a box of maltesers to demonstrate something (he said for everyone to help themselves but the original purpose was for them to be used as a demonstration for something unconnected to eating). Anyway a few people grabbed one of two - my friend took 3, then she took a large handful - and then polished off the rest of the box laughing like she was being funny. Greed isn't funny! it's annoying!

So anyway I don't really want to eat lunch with her, it makes me uncomfortable and puts me off my own food. Will she twig on to why I'm doing this because I don't want to upset her.

You sound like a lovely friend.

Ok I'll drip feed - I have a few 'ishoos' with food too at the other end of the scale. My question is, aibu for wanting to eat alone at lunch times even if it risks upsetting her?

Tell her next time she moans about her weight

'I'm not being funny but...'

Not sure why her being a pig woudl make YOU uncomfortable though

I work with a woman like this. Forever banging on about her quest to lose weight and her latest diet, yet goes to the canteen for pie and chips and if anyone brings cakes or sweets in she's first there, picking the biggest cake or taking a fistful of sweets. Gets right on my tits. I just ignore her now or deliberately change the subject when she starts on about how many 'syns' or points she's deluded herself that she's had that day.

YANBU.

Don't tell her next time she moans about her weight - it's her life, her business. You don't actually sound like you like her, so stop hanging out with her at lunchtime.

I think you need to address your feelings about this. I work with very large women but it would never occur to me to bother about how much they are eating.

Why do you want to eat alone?

I used to work with a bloke like this. We would constantly winge about his weight (he broke his chair on a regular basis) then have a bacon sarnie breakfast (not that bad on its own but...) a shop-bought sandwich mid morning, restuarant take out for lunch and boasted about how he would eat a spag bol made from a 500g pack of beef mince a night. If a cake turned up in the office he would sit and eat it until the whole thing was gone.

I couldn't stand it as he was a know it all bastard twat though.

She is your friend. I have friends at both ends of the spectrum and it annoys me when eating with them (vegetarian 'low carber' I am looking at you) but it is none of my business.

Perpetual dieters - whilst eating - irritate me as well. They have no other topic of conversation other than food.

I cut the convo short and refuse to talk about slimfast/lighterlife/atkins/shakes/red-days-green-days/points.... it's an incredibly boring subject for people who aren't interested. I think it's the female equivalent of train spotting or collecting bus numbers. Infact, dieters are obsessive. Nothing more boring than an obsessive.

Apart from anything else, you eat with her every day? Sounds a bit much even if you didn't hate how she eats. Can't you invent have someone else to meet for lunch some days, as a start?

Is it what she eats, or the way she eats it?

I used to have a friend who ate in the most revolting way, literally shovelling it in, making grunting noises and kept her mouth open so some of it spilled out, and then she'd pick those bits up and shovel them in.

I couldn't stand to be around her eating.

As an aside, why is it 'syn'. WTF is it short for?

OP, eat lunch with someone else.

Oh, and YANBU for wanting your own company at lunchtimes occasionally.

As you said you have "issues" I would guess this is more about you and your attitude to food than her really. Eat on your own if that makes you happier.

Surely, like you she has 'issues' with food to so you may have to see her greed in a more forgiving light?

I have a MIL who is morbidly obese and is seeing a dietician but it isn't working and she will sometimes eat out 6 times a week, high calorific food. Yesterday we went for lunch together and despite having a breakfast called 'the pile up', she wanted to finish off my baby's banana and custard as my daughter wasn't really going to even be able to eat 1/4 if it! It doesn't even occur to her to think other people may want it, in fact she asserted she would eat the leftovers before my baby had even got the food! I think she has major eating disorder if she thinks this is normal.

She may not be as fortunate as you in terms of education, if her parents normalized, over eating throughout her childhood, she may not know the difference between nutritious and empty food. Over- eating is an illness for some and an emotional crutch for some people.

If you had no traces of greed within your-self it wouldn't provoke irritation in you but compassion, she is heading toward diabetes, heart disease and a life of loneliness.

Be there for her but don't judge her- she is suffering.

You sound like you're projecting your own feelings about food. I do think you need to find a new lunch buddy though, doesn't sound healthy for you.

It's the way she eats it - shovelling it in like a starved animal. It just annoys me so much.

It's true that constant food talks is incredibly boring and irritating, whether it's about dieting or in the other direction, e.g. 'what shall I have for lunch..?' etc. Is she a good enough friend that you could say that, without making it about her body/eating habits as such?

Is there also a way to avoid this through 'having' to move your lunch hour or something similar?

Life is short. If she annoys the shit out of you, move on. If you want to eat by yourself you don't need to justify it.

Maybe she is a very hungry person.

If some people can have bigger sex drives than others, some people can sleep 11 hours a night whilst others get by on 6...surely something like appetite can be individual and varying?

Deal with your 'ishoos' regarding food and don't blame her for how you feel.
I eat lunch with Mr. Health with his stupid Tupperware pot of healthy stuff, crunching away day in day out. I can't stand the sound of him eating it, hate the smell and can't abide his horrible concoctions. Always finished off with more crunch crunch of a massive apple and a smelly cup of coffee.
Am I being unreasonable? Yes, very.

He shovels too.
(I'm still BVU)

I've just wolfed 2 (thats right two!) mini rolls and am currently shovelling in a packet of fruit gums at high speed. I too am a fatty and frankly couldn't give a flying fuck what you think about my greed. I sincerely hope your 'friend' feels the same.

@ not the blinking : she is heading toward diabetes, heart disease and a life of loneliness.

I totally agree with your post apart from the 'life of loneliness' bit