to just want some of my mum's and my granny's possessions and a fair share of her house

[NappyShedSal]

Sorry - this will probably be wrong to make sure that I get all the relevant info in My dad died when I was 16 and 15 years later my mum remarried (and my granny died). My mum remarried a divorcee and so she took alot more money into teh marriage - basically all her house etc and all my grandma's house. Consequently when my mum and her new husband, let's call him G, married and bought a house together she always said that her will reflected that her % share in teh house so that her children (me and my sister) would get the rightful proportion back. She must have said this several hundred times!!

Fast forward to January 2009 after 14 years of marriage to G, my mum is diagnosed with a brain tumour, has it removed, has chemo etc but was never ever back to her original self. So in June 2009 her and G remade their wills. Again my mum said that me and my sister would get teh lions share of the value of the house, but they had mutual / mirror wills and the money would go in trust until G died so that he would still be able to afford to live somehwere etc. Likewise on nearly every visit she made sure that I knew which pieces of furniture were hers, or my grannys etc but G could use them until he died. nothing was individually listed in the will as that would have cost more and she was making sure that our family's belongings ended up with our family and not her husban'd schildren (one of whom she didn'ty get on with)

October 2010 my mum died and her husband is sorting out her will / probate / setting up the trust fund for me and my sister - all fine. Except that he's now saying that the house is 50/50. He has also met a new woman, let's call her j, and is getting married later this year. They'll be buying a new house together. I asked him about my mum's furniture and belongings and he said they were his to do what he wanted with as the will left everything to him. If there was anything in particular that I wanted, to let him know and he'd consider it. But if he needed anything for the new house with J he would tak eit and it would become J's on his death because he wouldn't leave his new wife without any furniture.

but this furniture, or pictures, or china or whatever belongs rightfully in my family doesn't it? Some of it was my grandma's. Surely it's not right that some other family, that has no link to ours will benefit from my mum's or my granny's belongings. i want to be able to pass them onto my children, if nothing else. And also to change the % of how much of the house is his and how much was my mum's?

AIBU?! Or is there anything that I can do?

[QuietNinjaLamp]

Have you seen the will? What is in the will is what will happen so if it's been changed to 50/50 I don't think theres much you can do, but if it's as your mum originally suggested then yes you're entitled to what she's left you.

[JerichoStarQuilt]

I am so sorry for your losses.

Sadly, there's no 'rightful' about it. If her will says it is 50/50 (and I think you should check!), then it must be.

I'm a bit confused about your gran's will - you're saying your mum mentioned a 'rightful proportion' that was coming to you and your sister? Do you mean you were willed this by your gran and your mum never sorted it out? Or do you mean your mum was willed everything but promised you something unofficially?
It's really sad (because I can see you will have sentimental feeling for her things), but unless you were given something in a will, you don't have a right to it.

I do think it is really nasty if your stepfather is keeping possessions that you have an emotional attachment to, just because he can. That seems really sad to me - does he know how you feel about them?

[lynniep]

I dont think you're BU to want some of the family possessions, no. And I understand your upset. However as you said, they had mirror wills, which your mum apparently willingly updated in 2009, so you can't dispute the validity of that will, and 'belongs rightfully in my family' isnt true. Morally, perhaps - but legally - no.
What she said to you as regards the share of the house should have been in the will and it was sadly misguided of her to assume her new husband would agree to her 'unwritten' requests (did he know about them - you said she told you loads of times, but did she tell him?).
You could contest it of course, based on what she told you. You could try to dispute the validity - if she was co-erced into signing a mirror will in the belief that her hubby would hand over a share to you off his own bat, or you could claim you havent been adequately provided for.

You need proper legal advice.

[Hullygully]

Oh poor you. This happened to a friend of mine. The arsing bastard man still has her mother's and grandmother's possessions...

Personally, I would be extrememly insistent and be round there everyday demanding my things, with as much back up as necessary. And I'd speak to the new woman and try and befriend her and get her on side.

[WilsonFrickett]

You need to see the will first and you need to see a lawyer. I think these mirror wills are designed to protect the spouse and enable them to stay in the marital home, but I'm not sure what happens if the home is sold (is he selling it to fund the new house?), i.e. I think once the house is sold your share is released and you can have it, but a lawyer would know. I would be acting quickly if I were you.

On the furniture, if it's not listed as seperate bequests then you may have to prove your DM's original intent was for you to have it. My DGM remarried and died not long after and we had to wait another 15 years until her widow died to get her furniture from the house... although there was no question that it would go to his family on his death, it came straight to us.

[lunar1]

It might be worth getting legal advice, it doesn't sound right that she has changed her will after a brain tumor diagnosis. Did the solicitor who made the new will know all the facts. It sounds like she may have been manipulated into changing it.

[ExitPursuedByaBear]

Poor you. It is so difficult but as others have said, unless something specific was said in the will then sadly it will go to your stepfather and then his new wife. You really need to ask to see a copy of the will and get legal advice. If your share is meant to come to you after your stepfather's death, then that needs firming up now before he remarries.

[Hullygully]

Oh yes, do get legal advice before going roudn and being stabby

[ComposHat]

You need to see the Will.

Whilst morally you might feel it belongs to you, legally that may not be the case. If she had died without leaving a will everything would have passed to her husband as the next of kin.

Please try to remember that regardless of your feelings, he was your mum's husband for.what.sounds like a considerable number of years. He probably sees the house he has lived in all this time as his home.

[JerichoStarQuilt]

There is a legal section on here btw - might be worth trying there?

If your mum didn't get around to sorting out your gran's will and she left you things, you can absolutely kick up a stink about that.

[tanfastic]

Have a look at the will and if it doesnt specifically gift and list certain items to you then I don't think there is much that can be done unfortunately. This is why it's so important to specify in your will if you want someone to have something of yours like a piece of jewellery/car etc. Until you've seen the will you won't know exactly where you stand

[welliesandpyjamas]

Agree that it's worth asking in the Legal section. It's sadly too common to find that things like these go wrong when we have to rely on people remembering things years later or on their honesty and good character to understand how much family items mean to them. When we moved abroad for a while, I asked my dad to look after a lot of things from my grandparents' house (bits everyone had agreed I could keep, when everyone chose their favourite 'memory' items). Since then, he has remarried, his new wife has 'sorted out' the loft and everything in it and now many of my things are displayed around their house and he doesn't remember what I asked him to look after Going around there and telling them would make matters so much worse than they are so I have to leave it for now.

[welliesandpyjamas]

Also, I agree that our generation needs to learn from this and do whatever it takes for these situations to recur for our children.

[porcamiseria]

sorry babe but whatever is in the will is what will happen, that legal

I get it, its shit (fuck why do men move on so fast)

but firstly see what will says


secondly write a nice letter asking if you can come get sentimental possessions that came from her and your granny

it sucks xxx

[Hassled]

It's shit, but if your mum did leave it all to him then she left it all to him - he can do what he likes. Do you know how his will is actually phrased - do you get your half back when he dies? I think mumblechum is the resident will expert.

I suspect I'll be in the same boat - my father left everything to my stepmother. She's unlikely to remarry, but may well leave everything to her children. And like you, it's less about the money and much more about the stuff - the ornaments, the pictures etc.

[ComposHat]

I think the op will need to have some tact, her stepfather might need reassuring that she isn't looking to remove every stick of furniture from the house and he won't be left destitute in old age without a possession to his name. It might be a good idea to focus on a limited number of things like jewellerythat have sentimental value rather than mounting a house clearing operation.

[emsyj]

ComposHat, please refrain from giving wholly incorrect legal advice. Dying without a Will does NOT automatically mean the surviving spouse inherits everything.

OP, as others have said, you need to see the Will. Ask for a copy, but if you don't get it, you can obtain a copy from the Probate Registry once probate has been granted. Then get legal advice on its contents.

It is possible that the estate has been left on trust for life to your late mum's husband. It is also possible that he could sell one house and buy another (with the trustees' consent). Get the Will, then look at what it says and get advice. It is not possible for anyone on here to advise you without knowledge of what it says.

[ribena71]

I'm really sorry for your loss. When my grandfather died everyone who was a beneficiary had to be sent a copy of the will by the executor(s). I think this is a legal requirement so you should have had a copy of the will and if you haven't then you are certainly entitled to contact the executor and ask for one. At least then you will know exactly where you stand.

[NappyShedSal]

wow!! Thank you all for replying. I have a copy of the will - it is very basic, doesn't list anything at all. Everything goes to my stepfather, but her assets are put in trust for me and my sister until the death of my stepfather. Nowhere in the will does it state the proportion of the house - is that on house deeds? Or where would it state how the house purchase was split?

I agree that I need to befriend his new wife-to-be and suggest that she wouldn't want all of our family's possessions. I have contacted a solicitor, but it's £240 per hour - yikes!!

[NappyShedSal]

I got a copy of the will about 4 weeks ago, beause I had asked for it on a number of occasions. Probate isn't sorted yet, but the trust is as emsyj says. He also gave us her jewellery two weeks ago because we have asked and asked and asked for it, and he wouldn't give it to us.

[ceebie]

You need a copy of the will and some legal advice. I'm no expert but my understanding from what you've said would be that he can use the belongings until he dies, then they come to you - he would not be able to leave them to anyone else. However he is saying that they have been left to him, so you need a copy of the will and some legal advice to have it all clarified for you.

Poor you. Sounds like your Mum trusted him to do the right thing and he is not.

[ComposHat]

emsj wind you neck in a bit.

I wasn't offering legal advice, I was commenting that her situation would be worse if het mum had died without making a will, which in the overwhelming majority of cases would be true.

[ceebie]

Sorry, x-posts. You def need legal advice to find out how your Mum's assets, which are put in trust for you, will be determined.

[SarahBumBarer]

OK - well I guess you know you need to see the will. But you also need to see how the house was bought and registered with the land registry etc and what if any deeds were executed in connection with percentagesw of beneficial ownership. It doesn't matter what the will says if legally they owned the house as joint tenants or he is entitled to a share of the house beyond what you thought. You can only leave in a will what you actually own and what forms part of your estate.

It's crap but it's why it is just not worth scrimping on having a will prepared properly or giving proper consideration to such things. I love my Dh dearly, trust him with my life but it took me months to take the step of officially transferring him a 5% share in an asset that I own relatively recently because you really have to think about what all the consequences are especially when there are children from former relationships etc

[SkinnedAlive]

If its very, very basic - was your mother properly advised by the solicitor drawing up the will? Did it reflect what she wanted in terms of the instructions she gave them and was she warned of what could happen if she got a cheapo will? My mothers will was incorrectly drafted by the solicitor, but it was very easily sorted out as they acceptd they had made a mistake.