Mumsnet Talk

Just reaching the big 4 0 and contemplating life!

I look back on my childhood and remember the tears of not getting what I wanted. Money wasn't exactly overflowing either, but I would say that generally I had a very happy childhood.

From talking to friends in the past, I am left with the impression that I was lucky, and that most people cannot say that they had a happy childhood.

AIBU?

YABU

I would say I had a happy childhood.

However, if I wanted to put a down on it, I could say that my parents were totally broke to the point of people skipping meals until I was 7 and that they got divorced when I was a teenager.

It's just how you look at it really I suppose. Shit happens, but overall, I had a lovely childhood.

Mine wasn't fantastic to put it mildly, lol, but most people I meet had fairly happy ones - maybe I've met all your happy childhood people and you've met my unhappy ones?

I had a very happy childhood. Not quite so happy in my early teens.

I don't know about 'most' people. I had a very lovely childhood, it had its ups and downs of course, but overall it was pretty blissful.

I had a very happy childhood, we didn't have lots of money or things but the love was evident and overflowing

I was nurtured to think for myself, taught things, my parents were witty, kind caring
I had friends

I can't sum it all up

Its hard to know anecdotally. I find most friends say they had overall a happy childhood, although maybe some bad times in there.

I had a very happy childhood. Obviously there were ups and downs and I think you remember the odd traumatic experience more than the happy days that were generally similar. Bit I think most people I know (which wouldn't be representative) had happy childhoods.

I think it depends who you hang out with. Because my childhood was very difficult, it's harder for me to have good friendships with people from better circumstances if they find out.
I find my background normal, (though I can see I shouldn't) and I think it sets up a divide.

I also find myself drawn to people who's own experiances mean they 'understand', so that skews it too.

Since I realised this I keep very sctum about my background to most people and have discovered I have increased the number of friends who had decent childhoods. :-)

It is obviously partly a question of definition. If you take "happy" to mean "constantly blissfull with never a cloud on the horizon" then clearly you would be hard put to it to find someone who could truthfully claim they had had a happy 5 minutes. But if "happy" is used in a more subdued kind of way, then it will have more takers. I had a happy childhood in the sense that I had a caring family, we had lots of fun together, there was a general sense that life was exciting and that there was a lot to learn and do.

Well mine was mixed - a comfortable home without any apparent money worries and a really interesting life with lots of things to do. However, my mother made a very poor decision about a relationship when I was a teenager and life became rather difficult. I also spent my teenage years at boarding school which seemed to be for my mother's convenience as much as for my educational benefit.

But then my upbringing turned me into the person I am and I'm not someone who constantly revisits the past in order to use it as an excuse for present issues. Not that I am in any way in denial. So I'd say that actually, happiness exceeded unhappiness.

I had a difficult childhood. Born in the 60's; last of 6 kids; unwanted, which was made perfectly clear; not much money in the household and not a lot of support. I was always well fed, though, and clothed (not well, but clothes were always clean). I'd have been on the 'at risk' register if I was growing up today, but back then it was nothing out of the ordinary (apart from the lack of affection).

Funnily enough my brother (10 years older than me and the only boy) said at Christmas 'we had a great childhood though didn't we flapper?'. I nearly fell off my chair. Clearly he got the bit before my mum was menopausal, depressed and, later, withdrawing from valium cold turkey.

Even within families that question can elicit very different responses. I just pray I can be a better mum than mine was in some ways, though I am a grumpy old git at times and sound just like her

mine was very happy
more love than money
we went without a lot of things, but that's not what I remember.
Most friends I grew up with would probably say they had a happy childhood
A few friends made in adulthood might not.

OP you are around my age (a bit younger) and were many thought that their childhood was ok , in my circle, they now do see it differently because of the raised awareness around DV etc. So realise that things wasn't quite as they rembered when pushed. Where i grew up there was a lot of DV and a lackof food/poverty, which you just got on with.

Emotionalneeds wasn't talked about much, so they may be looking and judging it through modern day eyes. Which is valid that is how change happens.

There is a difference in being unhappy as opposed to not having a happy childhood iyswim.

My mum seems to think we and my brother had a happy childhood. I disagree.

I used to think I had a happy childhood. And many aspects of it were, I had lots of friends, a good relationship with my brother and enjoyed primary school. Since I became a Mum I have realised that a lot of the insecurities I have now are as a direct result of my Mum's inability to show any kind of emotion. So I would say mine was mixed and probably most people would feel the same. Some good bits and some not so good bits.

That's a good point actually flapperghasted - my younger sister doesn't remember her early chldhood at all, which means she doesn't remember some of the worst bits and her teenage years were very different to mine...so while hers wasn't exactly what you'd want for your children, it isn't the same as mine.

Mine was an unhappy one. I was the family scapegoat, with my DB as the golden child, and being female I was deemed secondclass by my DP's, with the focus for educational opportunity aimed at him, myself following much much later. Family life was tense, conflicted and dysfunctional, and I have worked so very hard to not be the parent that either of mine were.

Oh dear, just read that. Think I'd better go and book a seat on the stately homes thread

I wonder what my dd will think. She has a caring family and good friends and gets on with everybody, but has suffered chronic pain for the last 8 years and is dropping out of school due to anxiety and exhaustion. Which bits will she remember as defining her childhood?

curate's egg.

Good first bit. Shit after that.

i think of my childhood with mixed memories, i remember blissful summers, with bottles of pop on the local field, playing all day till it went dark. blackberry picking and eating them till we were sick.

i remember fun, fun, fun without the restitrictions of adults. i remeber sibling rivalry and pushing my brother down the stairs

I remember years with my nan who was the best role model a girl could want. i rememer an absent father, due to work, and a distant mother who shouldnt have had so many children.

So with my dd, i try to give her all the things i missed, all the best bits from my childhood. i try to replicate the relationship i had with my nan, try and avoid making the choices mum made.

if i'd have had a different childhood i'd have been a different person... and i LIKE me.

DH on the other hand had an enid blyton childhood and still has the most incredible parents in the whole world. ( i try to emulate that too)

I would think that most people have had a happy childhood-but that they maybe don´t talk about it as much as those who haven´t.

I had a great childhood-hope I´m passing it on!

Really agree it depends on how you view things - half full or half empty.

I spent most of my childhood in N Ireland in the 70's when the 'Troubles' (stupid expression!) were at their height so armed police and soldiers on the streets were the norm as well as the occasional local bomb and the nightly news stories of people being killed and injured.
Also just before my 8th birthday my dad died suddenly, leaving my Mum as a 32 yr old widow with 3 young children.
However I remember my childhood as an amazingly happy time - outside running in a pack most of the time, gardens, a park and beaches to play in (even though no-one could swim ), exciting power cuts from a 3-day week and walking/cycling a few miles to and from primary school without a care in the world.
I think my Mum did a fantastic amount to normalize some very unusual circumstances and possibly I was am deluded (I rarely remember it raining - this is N Ireland you understand!!)

I hope I can enable my own two to remember their childhood with such joy.