to keep looking at Rightmove even though I'm four months pregnant?

[Rhubarbgarden]

Now would be a bad time to move. I'm four months pregnant, we already have a 19 month old, our house is perfect for our needs and we live over the road from a great hospital where I had dd.

But I really, really want to get the hell out of London. We looked at a number of houses before I got pregnant, but nothing was just right or our offer wasn't accepted. We're not even sure where we want to move to - I love Sussex, but houses in the locations we like that are commutable for dh are at London prices and we'd have dh's train fare to factor in. Seems a bit mad to move out of London then downgrade on house. We've looked around Kent, which is good value for money and has free grammar schools, but don't really know it and don't have any friends there.

Dh regards the idea of commuting with dread - he found it hard enough moving from zone 1 where he could walk to work, to zone 2 when we bought this place as he now has an hour on public transport. So I'm probably BU wanting him to commute full stop.

But then I walk out onto our local high street, with its miserable fried chicken joints, and payday loan shops, and litter, and people spitting, and I think my god, there are so many nice places in the world, why do we live here?

Then I'm reminded that we have lovely friends here. Mum friends who have made going to toddler groups and getting through the tough first months of motherhood into a pleasure, and who have been so supportive through this pregnancy and who I know stand ready to help out when the new dc arrives (no family near). Why would I leave them behind?

We are on Rightmove every bloomin evening. Completely addicted. And I've just booked to go and look at two houses down in Sussex. I'm so, so excited about the possibility of living in one of them. But I'm being ridiculous aren't I? Should I cancel?

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

You should cancel if you have no intention of moving. I'd love to move but, can't for at least seven years.
I hate the house we have and, although it has great scope for extending, we don't have the cash.
DH phoned a couple of evenings ago and asked if we fancied moving to Singapore. The temptation to say yes was almost over whelming.

[Feminine]

If you are not really serious, its not fair to get the sellers hopes up.

if you think you might, I think its alright...to see what you might get

Congratulations BTW :)

[Rhubarbgarden]

Kreecher it's not that I don't intend to - One of these houses in particular is a holy grail of a place that just doesn't come on the market very often. Unless it doesn't match up to description (so often this is the case) I will want to put an offer in immediately, and whack our house up for sale same day. Then we will plunge ourselves into a nightmare of stress with a house move and baby on the way and lose our support network, and a good hospital close by, etc etc, and dh wobbling about commuting, and all those reasons I should drop it.

[Rhubarbgarden]

I forgot to add - both houses are doer-uppers, so we couldn't move in straight away, we'd have to rent somewhere while project managing the work. With a new baby. Aaargh.

[DharmaCeutical]

I think the loss of support network plus DH spending longer away from home due to commuting would be a no-no for me in your position. I wouldn't want to be alone with a toddler and newborn for much of the day in an area I didn't know well.

[fizzwhirl]

If your DH already travels an hour on public transport, then moving out of London might not increase his commute too much if you choose the location carefully - making sure that it doesn't take long to go from your house to the station, and that the train gets into a useful station for his work.

Moving away from supportive friends, and potentially not yet feeling 'at home' in your new place when your new baby arrives, would possibly be more of an issue for me.

You say that you'd have to rent while you did up the new house. What is transport like to get from where you currently live to the new house? Could you rent in your current area, while you do up the new place? Or would that just be too difficult?

Your environment has such an impact on how you feel about life - DH and I we are also thinking that our lives would be better if we moved out of London. We're looking in similar areas to you, with the same concerns: Sussex is so beautiful, but northern Kent is really more convenient for London! There are some areas north and northwest of London which we're considering too. I'd love to be out towards Oxford, but Paddington is the wrong side of London for us.

If you decide not to go for the viewing/not to put in an offer, can you tell us which houses you were looking at?

[FabbyChic]

Communiting is going to cause a strain on your marriage, because when he comes home he is going to be stressed, and tired, and probably help out less at home. You will know no one and be expecting him to talk to you as soon as he gets in because you have had no adult company all day, have you factored this into moving?

[bettybat]

Kent is definitely lovely...I live in Zone 4 on the Kent border. It's just as nice as Sussex! It takes 20 minutes into Victoria and London Bridge feels way more like Kent than London London. The only slight downside is timing the trains, which can leave you stranded for half an hour until the next one past 8pm.

I'm just wondering how on earth your DH's commute takes an hour when it's from zone two to one??

Not that it's really important, just you know - Londoners and transport :0

[OldMumsy]

Leave ASAP, I wish we had done it years earlier. You don't realise how shit it is until you live somewhere better. Mid Bucks is nice.

[breatheslowly]

Would your DH actually get to see your DC at all during the week if you move? I know that my DH wouldn't get to see DD if he got a job in London.