To think a sit down breast-feeding protest is a pointless and exhabitionist?

(252 Posts)
WhiteTrash Mon 12-Dec-11 19:07:36

Totally prepared to be flamed for this.

Im from sunny Brighton and a post on facebook recently did the rounds regarding one women breastfeeding in a cafe to be approached by several 70 year old women who told her she should have been more descreet.

Yes they're out of line.

Next day theres posts going round about a sit down breastfeeding protest in town that Id been invited to.

My first thought was why?! I come from a very open minded, accepting, earth-mother (aka middle class hippies)ish town. To have a sit down breastfeeding protest is purely exhabitionist 'look at me! Im breastfeeding, in your face- ACCEPT ME. SEE ME.' bullshit.

I feel I (we) make far more a point by simple breastfeeding 'normally' around town as and when we need to. Why the need to get a group. Of women together for boob time?

Laquitar Wed 21-Dec-11 20:35:27

Tbh i didn't see any poster here having issue with bfing in public -most said they have done so themselves (although the thread is very big and i might have missed those posts).
And married's suggestion makes more sense than the protest imo.

I meant to say Happy 17th for your son earlier Married and then i forgot to type it. You gave birth on xmas day shock. Like soap opera grin.

I've never heard of anyone being told they should be more discreet though, I know lots of people say that they've been told they shouldn't bf in public, but not that they should do it more discreetly

MamaMaiasaura Wed 21-Dec-11 18:56:45

Laq - I meant posters on here who have issue with bfing in public.

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas Wed 21-Dec-11 16:51:58

I have no problem with women feeding in public
<I never BF so have never had to deal with the small minded people that complain

NinkyNonker Wed 21-Dec-11 16:27:11

It has meandered a bit since the OP!

Laquitar Wed 21-Dec-11 16:26:07

Oh ok. Sorry. I can't keep up with the names and who said what and i thought you are defending the protest.

NinkyNonker Wed 21-Dec-11 16:17:10

I have already said that I think the protest is a silly idea. I bf, was never approached etc, wouldn't have cared much if I had have been. I was just pointing out that Kelly was making an assumption, and that the BF mother may not have 'brought it on herself' for want of a better term.

Laquitar Wed 21-Dec-11 15:58:14

'For all you know, the very act of bf may have been considered indiscreet to the watcher'.

Yes, maybe. A tiny maybe. And??

One lady. One unknown lady. With no political or proffessional power. She is not the PM, not even an MP. Not a hospital manager or a midwife.

She comes from a different generation, she thinks what she thinks. Ok. It is not like she is going to be elected to run the country so it doesn't stress me much.

kelly2000 Wed 21-Dec-11 15:53:44

Well i am just going by what was in the paper, and given that the response to one private individuel making a comment was to grab her baby and organise a breast feeding protest and contact the media to get pictures, i am thinking that yes it is correct she was indiscreet. I wonder what she does every time one person annoys her. And i do not know what Norway isd like, but I know in denmark if someone made a song and dance abour breastfeeding, and had their boobs out whilst doing it they would be asked to stop it (or laughed at). But it is not an issue there as women just treat breast feeding as something normal, so do it discreetly, not with boobs hanging about. saying thta so do most women in the UK it is just a few who have this obsession with the right to do it as indiscreetly as possible, and rush around contacting the media and organising protests if so much as one person ask them to be discreet.

NinkyNonker Wed 21-Dec-11 15:19:40

But you don't know that, do you Kelly? For all you know, the very act of bf may have been considered indiscreet to the watcher, and have been cause enough to be told to cover up. You are speculating as much as anyone else.

My cousin in half Norweigan and lives out there, there is no public pressures to cover up there if it is easier for the feeder/feedee, people are quite chilled about it by all accounts. Not that it matters, of course.

kelly2000 Wed 21-Dec-11 15:09:34

verylittle,
This woman was asked to BF discreetly, and they had every right to do that. There is a big difference between breastfeeding discreetly, and sitting there with you breast hanging out making a song and dance about it. Normally these people are the ones who love people saying something to them, and make a song and dance about parenting in general (you know the ones who treat coffee shops like nurseries and let their children race around yelling). In Denmark nearly everyone breastfeeds, yet if you sat in a cafe with your breast out whilst sorting out the baby you would be asked to cover up.
Holding a protest because one person asked you to be discreet, discredits women who breastfeed, and makes them all look like exhibitionists. Women like these put off more women from breast feeding, than an old lady asking for discretion.

Laquitar Wed 21-Dec-11 14:58:09

Awen you b-fed in a busy shopping centre and you had lovely chat with some ladies. Where is the problem then? Why the swearing and angry faces?

'Leave mums to it'. Yes, you are left to it. It is a free country.

exoticfruits Wed 21-Dec-11 13:22:46

I am 'breathtakingly arrogant' because I have bf everywhere without being in the least prudish about it. I have never had any comments. The only people likely to get them are those who have an attitude about it-and they are the ones who irritate people.

I don't know, never met any but I'm sure there are people out there, I'm always abit surprised that it's old lady's though.

I think as long as your not being told to leave the premises for bf I'd just ignore any moaners. I've found that most of the time you can't even tell if someone is bf or not people are so discrete, saying that since joining a baby group I've seen a few people who just pull their tops down and boobidge is on display for all to see

AngryGnome Wed 21-Dec-11 12:47:20

where ARE all these tutting frowny faces?

I bf my 13 month old at home, out and about wherever and I have never had anyone bat an eyelid. I have not been berated (or congratulated for that matter!) by anyone except my mother and numerous midwives

I've got friends from school who are now scattered all over the counrty and a fair number of them have breastfed their babies and none of them have ever encountered any "attitude" while bf-ing in public. I'm just not convinced it's real - perhaps mothers who feel they haver encountered it are just very self-conscious themselves (which is sad, and they should seek suport from NCT or LLL or similar) and are interpreting slights where none are intended?

MamaMaiasaura Wed 21-Dec-11 12:00:18

<applauds> very very well said littlecarrot.

I wish people would just feck off with the whole indecency argument over feeding a baby. I feed my baby or toddler when and where need be, this included last week on a bench in middle of busy sipping centre. Had lovely chat with couple of older ladies whilst feeding.

If you don't like it don't look. If you've got an issue with what is entirely natural and normal go seek some help. Please sod off and leave mums to it. Fgs. angry

This is going to have to be my last post on this thread. I realise that I am probably wasting my time.

But for the last time, just in case there is the slightest chance that you might actually understand someone else's position on this.

It's not for anyone else to pronounce whether my child does or does not need bf in a cafe (the supreme arrogance of exoticfruits is breathtaking). That is his business, not yours. Unless you feel it is reasonable for me to dictate what you are allowed to eat or drink?

The Golden Age of bf is your own construct, not mine. I said that prudishness about breasts used for feeding is recent - by which I meant that for centuries and centuries it has just been the way to feed, completely acceptable. And only in the last century has this weird concept that there is something indecent about an exposed breast arisen.

The Victorians felt that ankle exposure was indecent too. I assume you are glad that we have chucked away that ridiculous concept as a society, and evolved a little to make our lives easier. Social "rules" evolve, and usually with good reason. Can't you see that we need to do the same thing with breasts? It's just a stupid, inhibiting hangup that we need to be rid of. Why do you think so many women are scared to feed in public? Because of people like you, exoticfruits. We know that you judge, and we are nervous that you are enough of a bully to actually harass us when we are already feeling vulnerable.

I suspect that those rude people who accosted the nursing mother are exactly the same type who would expect a person of a different race to go back to their own country, or a disabled person to leave because they shouldn't have to look at them.

You know, bigots who feel their rights supersede anyone else's. Bigots who don't recognise the rights of another person to innocently go about their legitimate business in public. Bigots who feel that if something or someone offends them, it or they should be removed from their presence.

And you are exactly the type who condones that attitude. What does that make you?

marriedandwreathedinholly Tue 20-Dec-11 10:39:33

Wouldn't it be great if as much energy as has been exercised on this thread and down in Brighton could be put into a campaign to increase the number of lactation consultants in the NHS and to support women who would have loved to breastfeed but have been unable to do so.

An old lady didn't like a baby being bf in public. Is that a big deal. When my mother visited us for the first time when ds was born, at feeding time she actually said "darling I think you should go and do that in the bedroom". He's 17 on Christmas day. I told her not to be so stupid and she told my stepfather to go to the drawing room and watch the telly while I did it shock. We all survived.

GreyGardens Tue 20-Dec-11 10:26:24

well said Laquitar!

Laquitar Tue 20-Dec-11 09:43:51

Exactly!

exoticfruits Tue 20-Dec-11 09:37:18

I would too Laquitar ,but women have the right to bfeed-I am not going to fight for the way they do it. I would just be kind to elderly ladies and move out of their view.

Laquitar Tue 20-Dec-11 09:33:13

I would fight for bfeeding exotic. If it was ilegal i would. And i will support women expressing at work etc. But not for the attitude of few elderly people in cafes and my 'right' to turn Sturbucks into my living room. Big fucking deal.

LeQueen Tue 20-Dec-11 09:32:25

exotic, yes like I mentioned upthread, I would be very interested to learn When women could always BF freely when out in public, and no one ever batted an eye.

I think BF freely out in public would actually translate to 'sometimes in their own garden/back yard, or at a family member/friend's house (but they would probably remove to another room to actually BF), etc.

I don't think there were Mums sitting in Ye Olde Costa Coffee circa 1923 BF-ding their babies, or sitting at a table in Ye Olde Cafe Rouge circa 1941 BF-ding their babies hmm

exoticfruits Tue 20-Dec-11 09:10:47

Well said Laquitar-I would rather put my energies towards some of the things mentioned rather than bfeeding which is for a short period in the general scheme of things.
If you are out for coffee with a 22 month old they don't need to be bf-they can join the rest with a drink and biscuit-so it isn't a big issue. Mine wouldn't have wanted to be bf in a cafe at that age-they were much more interested in seeing what was going on and chatting.
I am still interested to know at what stage in UK history women could freely bf? As far as I can see we are now in the best time and before about 1960 (if as early as that) women were confined to the home to feed babies.

Laquitar Tue 20-Dec-11 09:00:58

confused

Tbh i still don't understand what you are all talking about. What do you want to challenge? The way a 80yo lady thinks? confused

I grew up in an activist family and i've been an activist for most of my life, here and abroad, fought against dictactorship, war, sexist law etc , i don't see the point of 'fighting' against one or two elderly people who might be a bit more conservative than me. A bit teenage-like imo. An old woman was offended, and?

If you got 'fighting energy' there are disability benefit cuts, families who freeze and starve in 2011 in Britain! I'm sure Dave is happy that we are more angry about an 80 yo woman who didn't aprove of bf-ing in a cafe.

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