In wanting to tell the waster my Mum has become embroiled with his fortune?

[Puspopper]

In a nutshell my Mum has spent through all her life savings on this man in little under 18 months. He has told her a pack of lies such as his name (I know how abnormal) and where he was living and certain aspects about his past are questionable. He has a thing for older ladies. He left his last relationship ( she was 70 to his 46) and met my mum and started by claiming to be self employed. He has been on benefits for years it has transpired.
On the occassions I have met him he has just about met my gaze, refuses to engage with my children. When my son spoke to him he picked up his paper and my mum had to come into the room and indicate that gs was speaking to him - to which he just grunted and shoved the newspaper back up.
My children do not feel comfortable around this man so my mum just comes to my house now to see them.
I am worried that the next move will be to 'encourage' her to sell her little starter home. She has been dropping hints that this is being considered.
I am furious.
He already has got a car and a new caravan which he has made sure has been put in his name all with the promise that he will pay her back......
She has now told me after months of dishonesty the extent of the leeching and her concerns about how she will manage.

Do I keep my nose out?
My mum is what I would consider a vunerable person. She is trusting and needy.
What would you do?

[Tryharder]

If you were talking about a distant relative or someone you knew but not that well, I would say keep your beak out. But this is your mum and even if you piss her off, you are "entitled" to tell her your opinion of the situation.

It could be that he is threatening your mum in the guise of being nice and putting the heavies on her for money. It is often very difficult to resist emotional blackmail "Oh if you loved me, you would do this for me etc etc".

You hear now and then of fraudsters who have been jailed for conning partners out of money. Would you be able to track down any of his former partners to establish if he has form for this?

You need to encourage your mum to get rid and give her the support to do so. Are you her only child or do you have other siblings who could also step in to present a united front against this waste of space? He may well back if challenged by a group of you.

[BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers]

Oh I feel for you :(

Have no advice though -useless cow-- Someone else will know what to do.

Not sure that he could be had up for conning her out of money; he has charmed it out of her rather than conned her, sadly.

I would threaten to slice his balls off but then I am very hot-headed.

[AntiqueAnteater]

She has now told me after months of dishonesty the extent of the leeching and her concerns about how she will manage.

so she is seeing the light?

[Puspopper]

I am a hot head too by nature but am trying my hardest not to interfere in her personal affairs. However I have felt from the outset that he is dodgy. I haven't wanted to raise a lot of my concerns because she is emotionally involved and will defend him creating a barrier in our relationship.

I haven't wanted her to feel isolated and have him 'work' on her IYSWIM. I have sat back and observed and waited for her to tell me.
I am effectively her only child as she has no relationship with her two other children.
She has form for picking abusive/ rotten men.

I would be able to contact his previous partner via electoral roll but am concerned that this would be too intrusive.

[Puspopper]

She has been dishonest with me telling me he was working and he had bought the car himself....

I think this has had to come out because she is unable to buy my children anything for Christmas due to the financial situation.

She has spent £22,000 in 18 months.

[kreechergotstuckupthechimney]

that's a lot of money.
i wonder if his previous partner reported him to the Police? is there an actual crime of wheedling money out of vulnerable people?
If he already had form and is known to the police, maybe they could have a quiet chat with your mum.

[QueenOfFlamingEverything]

contact age concern

they have an elder abuse helpline iirc

what a knob

your poor mum

[Puspopper]

So do I contact his previous partner to see if there is anything my mum needs to know?

Do I have a chat with him and ask him why he thinks it's acceptable to take an old ladies money to the point she cannot afford a Christmas present and is fretting how she will manage?

[Puspopper]

Lady's

[Solola]

If it was my mum I would do the two things you have just mentioned and also contact age concern Queen suggests.

[belledechocchipcookie]

Don't do anything, he's likely to scarper. I think that you need to contact Age concern. I'd let them deal with this. Men like this are very clever and know exactly how to get money out of their 'girlfriends.' I'd contact the ex partner, she probably feels very stupid. In the mean time, tell your mother not to part with any more cash. This sounds like a police job to me. I'm very sorry

[belledechocchipcookie]

Seriously, don't speak to him. He'll know that you're on to him and he's more likely to scarper, taking everything with him.

[Puspopper]

If I were to call the police it is likely my mum would defend him and say she had given him the things of her own free will.

I am going to contact the other lady.

[BoysBoysBoysAndMe]

I had a chat with my Mum before my DS1 was born as she was with a complete prat who I HATED and still HATE. He was manipulative, controlling, got money from my Mum to pay off his debts which she has never seen again, got my Mum to divorce my Dad (even though they had been happily separated for 10 years plus with no problems), did nothing around the house, didn't work, took Heroin!!! and was horrible to her.

I explained that I wanted her to be happy but felt he was not right for her, and as I was about to have a baby he was not allowed to be around my Son as he took drugs etc. So I wouldn't be going to her house while he was there and he was not welcome at mine. If she ever needed anything I would be there for her but I'm not prepared to spend any time with him.

She was very upset but took it on board. Eventually the relationship ran its course and he buggered off - thank god. It was awkward, but felt I had to be honest with my Mum.

I have never said "I told you so", but I couldn't just sit back and do nothing.

I say, have a frank discussion with her and explain your worries, she may just open up a bit. And the fear of lonliness is awful. My mum is on her own now and bloody miserable. I think if he hadn't gone she would never have ended the relationship.

[carernotasaint]

As hes claiming benefits the DWP might be interested in the fact that he now has a caravan as that could be considered a place of residence that he hasnt declared. What he owns probably doesnt correlate with what he claims from them so at the very least they will take a closer look at him.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

get some legal advice without letting him know and discuss with your mum about putting her financial affairs in your hands for the time being so she cannot fall into this trap of giving up to him. see if there is any way he can be made to sell the stuff she has bought and for goodness sakes find a way to stop her putting anything else in his name. good luck... interfere as much as you can he sounds like a con merchant.