My mother has been in a residential home for just over a year. Before she went in she was a fit and active nearly 90 year old. We went through all sorts of in hospital out of hospital, care home, care at home (which didn't work) and into a care home again. We chose her current care home as suitable for her needs and she's been there since last September. She was diagnosed with mild depression (she's had ECT in the past) and moderate dementia. Her short term memory is poor. She can only move now with a walking frame. Last year, though I live 100 miles away and work f/t I had loads of phone calls saying she'd fallen at home, couldn't cope etc. I went down every other week to check on her.
Last January my sister and I told her she would have to be prepared for the fact that we would have to let out the house or sell it to pay the care home fees. She was very upset and said she wanted to go home. We said she would have to put that in motion herself but of course she didn't do that as it really wasn't possible. Since then we have been clearing the house, taking possessions by agreement and doing work necessary to let it to stave off when we need to sell it to pay the fees (her savings which were all over the place) have nearly run out. We have joint Power of Attorney.
Now I have to say that I get on with my mum much better than my sister does. She will not see her without my brother in law or my niece in attendance because of previous arguments and bad feeling. I see her alone and spend lots of time with her. I go to the home and spend a good 2 hours at a time with her.
I got a text last Monday from my sister saying that she told my mum last Saturday that all her possessions had been cleared and the house had been let. My mum is apparently very upset. Next weekend I'm meeting with my sister to transfer some money, but afterwards I'm going to have to face my mother's upset on my own.
Am I unreasonable to think that my sister should have discussed this with me, and if we were going to tell her, we should have told her together?
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AIBU?
To think that my sister should have discussed this with me first?
15 replies
ilovesooty · 23/10/2011 20:31
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