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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think continuing with a party when the birthday girl has a stomach bug was a very stupid thing to do?

72 replies

Marne · 18/07/2011 16:44

Before i explain, i have a extreme phobia of vomit so please try and see it from my point of view as well as others.

We were invited to a party last sat, the birthdays girls siblings came down with a bug 2 days before, because of my phobia and the fact that dd2 has SN'S and a bug could hospilise her we decided not to go. Anyway, saw the mother at school this morning and she explained that her dd was sick on friday night but she continued with the party, sat morning she came down with the bug but still did the party food etc. So she was shocked this morning she was shocked that 9 children (all of whom attended the party) are off with the bug.

I am so Angry for everyone, she should not have gone ahead with the party, now theres a huge outbreak of vomiting up the school and i run the risk of dd2 getting very poorly.

So AIBU for thinking this woman is very stupid?

Also AIBU in wanting to keep the dd's home for a couple days because i cant face dd2 getting poorly, its the dd's last week at this school so i was thinking of just dending them in maybe thursday and friday to say goodbye. (ok i know i ABU) but i really cant be doing with the anxiety this causes me as well other things that are going on (at school and home), would it be so wrong?

OP posts:
bubblesincoffee · 18/07/2011 16:47

YABU to not send your dd's to school. Their school life shouldn't suffer because of your irrational fear.

Yanbu to think that the mother who had the party was incredibly selfish.

Fillybuster · 18/07/2011 16:49

YANBU to keep your dds home for a few days - its the end of term anyway, so you might as well sit this one out. no benefit in catching the bug now you've missed the party.

and I would be really pissed off to have taken my dcs to a party if the parents knew they ran a risk of infecting everyone....

LadyThumb · 18/07/2011 16:50

Absolutely stupidly stupid! What an idiot she is.

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 16:52

I know bubble, i'm not in a good place right now Sad, wish i could be stronger about all this. Dd2 has a hospital apointment tomorrow so wont be at school anyway, dd1 has a few issues at school and came home upset today, i just feel like saying 'enoughs enough' and take them out (this has just added to a number of other problems).

OP posts:
faverolles · 18/07/2011 16:52

Yanbu. I would do exactly the same.

AurraSing · 18/07/2011 16:53

It was a mistake to hold the party and you were right not to attend. But you can't keep your dc off school because there is a risk of getting a bug.

Jane054848 · 18/07/2011 16:55

What a stupid, selfish idiot! I can't believe it.

I agree with you - I would keep the kids off , as it's obviously an extremely contagious bug.

Sirzy · 18/07/2011 16:55

As it puts your dd2 at risk then I would keep them off, if they are leaving the school anyway it won't make a big difference

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 16:55

Each time dd2 has had a bug we have ended up in hospital with her as she refusses to drink and ends up dhydrated, she has ASD and is almost non verbal so theres no way of bribing her to drink, i dont feel like spending 2 days in hospital with her whilst they force fluids into her. School are not doing much this week (no more books being sent home and children are just visiting new class rooms for next year).

OP posts:
GiddyPickle · 18/07/2011 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 17:07

Thanks Giddy, the mum is on my facebook which is how i knew about her dc's being ill, i didn't discus it with the other mums as i didn't want them to think i'm mad (with this horid phobia), i thought if her eldest came down with it she would call it off (but no she didn't consider anyone else getting ill). Most of the other parents are just as bad, another mum sent her daughter when she was ill the day before. Maybe its just me that keeps my kids at home for 48 hours?

OP posts:
bubblesincoffee · 18/07/2011 17:09

If you want to keep your dd's off school because it is particularly serious for one of them if they catch a bug, then that is completely different to keeping them off because you have a phobia of sick.

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 17:11

Bubble-its a bit of both, i have been having therapy for the phobia (for 2 years) and still get so bloody anxious when theres a bug doing the rounds, but part of thats due to the fact dd2 gets so poorly and i worry for her.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 18/07/2011 17:11

Nope you are not being unreasonable at all. I work in a school and it annoys the hell out of me that people do not understand the 48hr rule for sickness bugs. We had one child who was off sick one day, back in again ,sick that night, back in the following day and had another child round for tea. Yip that child was off sick the next day. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
To carry on with the party was complete and utter madness.

I would phone the school and say your dd is not coming in due to the fact she could be hospitalised because of the current bug going around.

Hope you are ok.

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 17:12

A bug wouldn't kill her (she would just need rehydrating in hospital which is stressful for both of us) so maybe IABU?

OP posts:
Zoonose · 18/07/2011 17:15

YANBU. What a stupid stupid thing to do. I really don't understand how people can do things like this. Are some people just not bothered by stomach bugs? It's not like a cold or something ... I am not phobic, and my DCs don't have SNs but I would not be sending my children to school either! Given your DD2's problems I definitely definitely wouldn't.

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 17:15

School will probably support me, they know dd2 gets very poorly and has a low amuns system, also she has probably been a bit of a PITA today as she is tired and stressed due to the end of term and has been having meltdowns all day. Theres a chance she has already picked the bug up at school today but i dont think its fair to cary on exposing her wahen i know how dangerous it could be.

OP posts:
Olivetti · 18/07/2011 17:19

YANBU about the party. How do you mean,you have a phobia? A phobia of seeing vomit? Sorry to sound dim, I haven't heard of that before. That must be really difficult for you.

Nanny0gg · 18/07/2011 17:19

My school has a 48 hours at home after sickness/diarrhoea rule.

YANBU.

verax · 18/07/2011 17:22

I don't think the party should have gone ahead but it would be ridiculous for you to keep your dds off school just in case.

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 17:26

Thats ok Olivetti, i have a fear of seeing vomit (although i can just about deel with it whilst shaking and crying), my worst fear is being sick myself Sad, when i feel sick i feel like i would rather die than vomit. I can't walk past a pub incase someone has vomited outside, i have never been drunk enough to vomit, i cant use public transport (incase someone vomits), it effects me every day of my life, i count down the days until the summer holiday as i can then relax a little as the dd's are not as exposed to bugs. It effects where we go, what we do and its horrid Sad, its not an uncommon phobia, it mainly effect females. Hope that helps Grin.

The school has a 48 hour rule but they often allow children back early, i have complained in the past when a girl was sent back to school after being sick at school the day before, i think the head thought i was mad as i threatened to take the dd's home (i didn't, i left them there and they were fine).

OP posts:
OriginalPoster · 18/07/2011 17:29

These last few days of school are a huge waste of time. Tell school that you are concerned about other parents' attitudes to infectious diseases, and could they send out a reminder so that people are clear about the 48 hr rule. Then keep her off.

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 17:32

Thank you, i'm pleased a few of you dont think i'm mad keeping her off Grin, luckily i have the exscuse of the hospital appointment for tomorrow plus dd2 was not herself at school today so they are kind of expecting her to be off.

OP posts:
MajorB · 18/07/2011 18:29

Whilst I think YDNBU about that ridiculous woman holding her party when she and her child were clearly sick and contagious, I think YABU about keeping your kids off school.

You have stated that your phobia has an effect on your daily life, and therefore I'm sure it affects your children as well, and this is what I would personally seek to avoid, by "normalising" your reaction to sick where it affects them. You say your child refuses to drink when she's ill - have you considered that this could be because she has picked up on your phobia and doesn't want to consume anything in case she is sick again, something that is her mum's worst nightmare? This may or may not be the case, but either way you really need to shield your children from your fears, or there is a huge chance that you will pass them on. I am definitely not suggesting that you try to make them sick in anyway (I.e. By taking them to a party with a sick host - really, what was she thinking?) but not taking them to school on the off-chance that they may get sick is not something the average parent without a sick-phobia would do.

Believe me I have complete understanding of the hideousness of phobias, I have one myself which causes me to shake, sweat, black-out, and sometimes fit, but I have learnt to a certain degree to control it, and mainly my ability to control it has been due a refusal to let it affect my children in anyway. Loving them gives me the strength to deal with my phobia as I can't let them see it affect me, in case it affects them. Does that make sense?

In short, I'm saying (in American self-help style) "feel the fear, and do it anyway" as in my experience by dealing with what you fear most, you can start to control that fear.

MoaningMcMyrtlepants · 18/07/2011 18:33

definatly not mad at all. Your Dc will be severly affected if she gets the bug and you have to look after your children. Going into hospital is not to be taken lightly.

We had this just recently. DC3 went to a party on Saturday and I got a call from nursery at lunch time to say he was throwing up and his temp. was up. So I fetched him home and he was off for the rest of the week, as when he gets ill his temp. goes sky high and we have to get AB's to bring it down. I also had my other 2 off one after the other during the week as well. We also had to cancel my DS's party at the weekend because of him being so ill.

When he went back to nursery i was speaking to the Mum who's DC's party my DC went to and she told me her DC was sick on Sunday and the begining of the week. Turns out that the childminder her child goes to had a child who had been sent into her sick on the Friday. So the party boy bought the bug to his party, most of the kids at the party fell ill and most of the nursery fell ill. Great fun!!!

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