to be concerned for my friend?

[travispickles]

My friend confessed last week that in her two year relationship with her partner, they have not had sex in a year. She is mid 30s, and wants children soon and he is mid 20s, and claims to want children also, but does not want to be intimate with her. She hasn't told anyone else but is clearly quite upset by it all and his rejection is obviously affecting her self esteem. I told her to leave him as I feel that in such a short relationship if he doesn't want to even discuss it with her (when she raises the subject he gets moody and tells her she is making him feel bad by going on about it), and she hasn't got endless amount of time on her side to start a new relationship and have children. AIBU?

[squeakytoy]

If he is unwilling to even discuss it with her then yes, there is no future in the relationship and she should end it.

[SomebodyNew]

No I agree with you. If they do manage to have children it will only make her more trapped and will likely not get better.

[QueentessentialExcel]

I agree. She should just end it. Love does not work this way.

[AgentZigzag]

Do you know what their relationship was like in the first year?

Anything that could have triggered him turning away from her?

[AgentZigzag]

But she must love him to have stayed with him for a year without sex queen?

[QueentessentialExcel]

But on the other hand, does HE love her, if he does not want to have sex with her?

[travispickles]

Well that's the question. He says he loves being with her, doing stuff with her. But I suppose by omission he is saying he doesn't .... fancy her? I wonder if it is the age thing (mother/son dynamic). He did say early on he felt intimidated by her past, like she may compare him unfavourably to her long-term ex

[AgentZigzag]

A relationship isn't all about sex (not that I think you're saying that queen) I'm just thinking there must be other very strong reasons they stay together.

If it were me (not that I'd leave it a year) but I would be doing the 'make or break' conversation with him after all this time.

Either he talked frankly about his feelings for me, or fuck off.

[AgentZigzag]

X-posts.

I've always found that if the relationship has got to the 'we're living like mates rather than lovers' point, it's over

Unfortunately it's not always possible to flick that switch back on again.

[QueentessentialExcel]

A year in, they should still be passionate. And not be like an old comfy couple.....

[AgentZigzag]

Definately queen.

Is it the fact she wants children that might be putting him off?

[MercurySoccer]

Is he willing to see a doctor to check there's no medical reason for the lack of interest?

[QueentessentialExcel]

my dh went through a phase of low libido. stress at work, and weight gain.