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AIBU?

to be thinking of giving my 15 year old dd a day off tomorrow?

21 replies

seeker · 10/05/2011 08:26

She is very conscientious and normally manages her life very well. But last weekend she had several things she couldn't skip - a Duke of Edinburgh hike, 2 sporting events - one for school and one for her outside school sport (all of which she was part of a team for) and a rehearsal for a choir tour. It was such bad luck they all happened on the same weekend. And we have a wedding (she is a bridesmaid) next weekend. She is now, obviously - and for the first time in her school career - behind with homework and revision. Tomorrow she only has two substantive lessons - Biology and Physics. The other two are PHSE and RE.

If she had the day off she could catch up completely on her work, and go into school on Thrsday (always a heavy homework day) with a clean slate. What do you think?

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Crevix · 10/05/2011 08:29

if she wouldn't miss anything inportant and would catch up then i think i would let her.

although does she have an RE exam next week? (DD1 has)

bustersmummy · 10/05/2011 08:30

I would be inclined to let her have the day off, as long as she wouldn't miss to much in Biology and Physics.

SarahStratton · 10/05/2011 08:30

I would do it. If she's going to use the time productively I can't see a problem with it.

ZillahWhoDrankTooMuchGin · 10/05/2011 08:34

I would let her - after all when she's doing A levels / at college she will time managing her education.

Do you worry that something is going to have to give in her out of school activities? Especially as her coursework and revision get harder? Or was it just a bad set of circumstances?

Does she have a nice bridesmaid dress? I remember a peach horror from my teens

TrillianAstra · 10/05/2011 09:01

If she misses lessons won't she be caught up on homework but behind with the new work being taught in the lessons?

You mentioned revision - is she doing GCSEs this year? In that case won't she especialy need to be in the lessons?

I'm thinking that lessons teach new stuff and homework goes over it and consolidates it in your mind (and shows the teacher that you understand), in which case missing a lesson would be more of a problem than missing or being behind on some homework because it's new stuff that would be missed.

NinkyNonker · 10/05/2011 09:43

I would. Let her have a bit of a lie in then work.

seeker · 10/05/2011 11:44

Thank you. I think I will. She's very good at physics, (and her dad's a physicist!) so she won't have a problem catching up. Not sure about biology - but I don't think it'll be a problem. So - no RE exam -you don;t have to take the exam at her school unless you've chosen it as a option.

Zillah - I think it was just incredibly unlucky timin last weekend. She couldn;t believe it as she kept coming home with yet ANOTHER thing! As it was, she missed seeing her uncle singing in one concert and singing in another herself because she couldn;'t fit them in. AND she was excused St George's Day Parade by her Scout Leader - or that would have been another 3 things!

She;s got a lovely dress - although I don't think it was chosen with a heatwave in mind - it's got long sleeves and it's dark green!

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cabbageroses · 10/05/2011 11:48

so are you going to write the letter saying she is ill?

irregularegular · 10/05/2011 11:56

No, i wouldn't

First, she will be missing new work in the lessons she skip.

Secondly, it's a really bad habit. I'm a university lecturer, and I'd much rather that students came and discussed the situation with me when they fall behind, rather than lie to me and skip class due to 'illness'.

I'm sure if it is a one-off the teacher will be understanding and will agree a realistic plan for catching up.

seeker · 10/05/2011 13:02

No, I won't lie - I'll explain the situation in my note. Don't believe in "pulling sickies"!

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seeker · 10/05/2011 13:03

I agree it's a very bad habit. But the chances of her having a fortnight like this again at such a heavy revision time is vanishingly small, so it is very unlieklyu to happen again.

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thomasbodley · 10/05/2011 13:10

I'm afraid I agree with Irregular

By missing classes, she is going to be able to catch up in the very short term, but is getting into a vicious cycle because she won't have access to the work she misses. She will also think it's a sensible thing to miss academic lessons in order to accommodate personal/social commitments.

Your daughter is overstretched. Two team sports, guides/scouts/music lessons. And school (and possibly exams?) She needs to drop some activities, but emphatically not school.

seeker · 10/05/2011 13:13

She isn't overstretched - as I said in my OP this was a one off pile up.

As I also said, she is very conscientious, so won't "sensible thing to miss academic lessons in order to accommodate personal/social commitments."

And why do you think she won't be able to catch up one lesson in each of 2 subjects?

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thomasbodley · 10/05/2011 13:49

I don't know your daughter, seeker, so I can't comment on her level of conscientiousness.

But it's patently obvious she's overstretched, because she's struggling to fit all she wants to do into her diary.

I seriously doubt this is a one off, either. It's probably just the first time.

The more serious you get about hobbies/team sports/school, the more time they demand of you.

I do think missing lessons in order to 'catch up' is a slippery slope. You can't miss work because you have team sports and choir and a family wedding, after all. She'll have to start prioritising, and I don't think it's a helpful message to allow her to prioritise hobbies above lessons, however clever and conscientious she might be.

seeker · 10/05/2011 13:57

If she was at work, she would porbably eb able to book a day's holiday!

I'm interested in the "overstretched" business - don't most teenagers do stuff like this? 2 sports, a choir and D of E seems quite normal to me - it's what most of her friends do. 1 sport and choir are mostly in school time.

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YusMilady · 10/05/2011 14:01

Don't let any RE teachers hear you saying their subject is not 'substantive'!

twolittlemonkeys · 10/05/2011 14:04

She's not necessarily overstretched - I did DofE, music lessons, choirs (2 in school, county and National Youth Choir in holidays), dancing lessons etc but I still wouldn't advocate missing school. Much better for you to write a note in explaining that she had an unusually busy weekend to explain why she's behind on her work, then make sure it doesn't happen again.

JoanofArgos · 10/05/2011 14:05

In my situation it would be easy because I'd probably quite want to and dp would be appalled by the idea (a man who lives his life by the mantra that pretty much everything is 'the thin end of the wedge' ). I would agree, intellectually, that he was right but it would be one of the odd times I wish a bit that he had more of an oh fuck it approach to life....

However I'm inclined to say don't. It is bad luck that all these things have come along together, but I'm not comfortable with the idea that you can make a judgment call on school attendance unless it's illness related.

Oh and my 14 year old does - out of school - dancing, Latin and a paper round. Seems quite enough! Though I think she might do D of E next year when it starts.

thomasbodley · 10/05/2011 14:08

I definitely think the 'loads of activities all done to a very high standard' is a fairly new thing. Probably caused by the competition for university places and the need to keep your UCAS statement impressive.

I definitely think things are going to get more stressful for her, though. What if she wants to go on to do the DofE gold award, for example, or go on a choir tour overseas? Where is she going to find the practice or rehearsal time in between, say, revision for GCSEs?

Frankly I'm impressed she's managed to keep so much up for so long. In your shoes I'd be tempted to make taking the day off school conditional upon giving something up or playing sport at a lower level next academic year, so it didn't happen again .

Yellowstone · 10/05/2011 14:10

Some do much more seeker, tends to be the ridiculously high achievers that do the most.

I wouldn't like mine to stay at home just for a bit of catching up, could easily be a downhill slope.

And if you come clean to the school you're likely to get an inquisition on whether she is doing too much and her ability to manage when things 'pile up'. Might be more hassle than it's worth.

Isn't it just a question of explaining to the teacher(s) in question and asking for an extension of time?

seeker · 10/05/2011 14:12

Th reason she had a choir rehearsal is that she's going on a tour of Spain in July!

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