It's our 2nd wedding anniversary.
DH has already been off work since Good Friday. Okay so he had a bad toothache the first few days but I feel like I've had to nag/harrass him into doing anything with us since then. (We have DD1 2.8 & DD2 6 months).
On Friday I went to my friends for the day so he went out with his mate - fair doos, he doesn't go out much. On Saturday he felt too rough to do anything and lounged about all day only 'watching' the 2.8 yo when I made him. Then yesterday he was tired and kept trying to slope off back to bed.
Despite having all this time off work he only bothered to go and get a card last night 5pm at the local one-stop shop. No present. He has now gone back to bed. I bought him a card and present, organised for the toddler to go to my mums today till tomorrow and have done a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen and hoovered so the place looks nice for us.
However I get the feeling (very bloody clearly now) that he just can't be arsed.
So, WIBU to say bollox to you, drop the toddler at my mum's as planned then go shopping, buy myself something nice and then go for lunch by myself.
PS, I'm not bothered about being showered with gifts but it is the TOTAL lack of effort, like I'm not worth the effort of a drive into town (10 minutes away) for a card and a cuppa this morning. (I made him one).
I feel quite hurt actually but am not sure if I am just lacking perspective.
Go on then...
AIBU?
to say sod you then...
RatherBeACyborg · 02/05/2011 10:30
No, normally he's quite good. It's not the last minute card and present it's more the fact that he doesn't seem at all bothered about doing anything and would rather just lie in bed.
He will know about it...but I don't want to go off on one and feel even shittier than I do now so I think I'll leave him to it and if he doesn't redeem himself later then Words Will Be Said.
Maybe I've not bee 'attentive' enough to him recently, y'know what with having a lively toddler and a baby to deal with. 
We haven't had sex in ages as by the time they are both asleep I just want to collapse myself.
It's only your second anniversary. I think that normally couples put a bit of effort into it! so I don't think you are being unreasonable because it really seems like he's not bothered at all.
I mean, me and my husband don't do anniversaries, or valentines etc, but that's because neither of us wants to (and we've been married so long we're no longer counting ). But I think it's a bit off that it matters to you and he knows it does and he's clearly showing that it doesn't matter to him.
Have you told him how you feel?
Maybe if you asked him, he'd tell you that he loves you loads and just didn't think that he needed to wait for a particular date on the calendar to Do Something.
Whatever you do, don't just bog off for the day. You need to communicate. So many problems aren't problems at all,they're just two people who have made assumptions, not told the other one how they feel and not listened either.
"Oi, bog breath. It's our anniversary today. Aren't you bothered?"
or you could leap on top of him and say "two years today! what are we going to do today then?"
or you could say "I'm a bit hurt that you don't seem to be marking our anniversary. You don't seem that bothered and I'd like to know why."
depending on whether you think this is serious or not. a problem or thoughtlessness. an issue or simply two people who see anniversaries differently.
x-post
"not been attentive enough"
Welcome to the world of The Parent. That's just tough shit for him I'm afraid.
Oh and travellingwilbury - next year I will be able to leave the baby with my mum as well...so we hopefully we can both spend the day in bed. 
Righto, thank you, I already feel better and calmer for having a little rant.
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