Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

AIBU?

To be upset with DH for telling me that DS2 didn't want me to come home...

20 replies

eshermum101 · 18/04/2011 15:44

My father fell critically ill the other week and i had to rush out to the far east to see him, leaving DH alone with DS1, DS2 and DD1......luckily I managed to get our old nanny (who helped out for 5 month following the birth of DD1) to look after the children while DH was at work. I am a sahm and it was the first time i had been away from DS2 and DD1 for longer than 24 hours....When I returned after a week, I was basking in the attention of DS2 (who is usually a complete daddy's boy, as are all of them!) and DH felt the need to say "he's such a turncoat, last night when I told him that you were coming home he went "Nooooooooooo!!!! I don't want her to come home!!! I want the nanny to stay and give me kisses instead of mummy". I was pretty upset at the time but decided not to make a big deal about it - but now a week later at a family event he decided to tell the story to his entire family...and now my eldest has started to go on about it too..... AIBU to be upset with DH for feeling the need to tell me (and everyone else) this story? DH thinks I am being completely unreasonable and that I should have found it funny......BTW, I am quite a sensitive person at the best of times, and am quite upset about my father's illness anyway, so I just can't believe how he could think I would find it an amusing tale.....

OP posts:

Report

NotTheMessiahJustMouseface · 18/04/2011 15:47

YANBU to feel hurt by it. I think I would to but perhaps your emotions are running really hig due to your father being so ill, understandable.

I bet you're exhausted too. Have you topld him how it makes you feel?

NotTheMessiahJustMouseface · 18/04/2011 15:47

Sorry, typos.

TanteRose · 18/04/2011 15:48

YANBU - that is completely uncalled for...tell your DH and DCs that it makes you feel very sad and that you don't think it is funny.

Iwantscallops · 18/04/2011 15:49

That is a horrible thing for him to say, as no doubt you were feeling gulty about missing the kids and worried about your dad.

Maybe he is jealous about the time you spend with the DC's and was enjoying all the attention the DC's gave him?

Hope your dad is on the mend.

eshermum101 · 18/04/2011 15:51

Yes - but he thinks I am totally over-reacting....so I am sitting here thinking "am I?"...as obviously I don't want to keep a fight going if I am in fact being HUGELY oversensitive (which wouldn't be the first time, I'll admit)...I just thought that the comment was really insensitive....

OP posts:

GwendolineMaryLacey · 18/04/2011 15:53

What is it with people feeling the need to pass on negative comments? Do they think they're painting themselves in a better light or what?

"Jean said you looked like a bag of shite in that new dress. Isn't she a cow?" I mean wtf?

Grumpla · 18/04/2011 15:53

YANBU.

Tell him that you are hurt, and that you don't expect to hear the story again.

If he persists, maybe have a think about why he feels the need to hurt your feelings at a stressful time when he should be supporting you through your father's illness.

TheOriginalFAB · 18/04/2011 15:54

YANBU.

Your husband is being daft telling the story to everyone. He is putting you down. Ask him why he feels the need too. If your child didn't want you to come home because he wanted daddy I could understand your DH's joy in that but he wants the nanny.

Vicky2011 · 18/04/2011 15:55

Once was not unreasonable but going on about it and then telling other people?? I'd be furious!

ExitPursuedByALamb · 18/04/2011 15:58

Crikey men can be such twats at times. Saying it once is bad enough but then repeating it to the rest of the family

YADNBU

I would be having serious words on this one. Does he often feel the need to put you down, or did he feel abandoned.

They are like bloody children sometimes.

KingCnut · 18/04/2011 16:00

Thats pretty mean.

YANBU

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 18/04/2011 16:00

Are you sure he even said it?

Maybe your husband is a prick who didn't like your son being all over you, if he is the one he normally wants, and he said that to hurt you.

I don't know your child, obviously. But it seems a very odd phrasing from a child. No, I want the nanny to stay and give me kisses instead of mummy?

QuickLookBusy · 18/04/2011 16:09

The first time he said it, he probably felt proud he'd been able to cope with DC whilst you were away.

However I would have still been peed off, because you weren't exactly off on a jolly were you?

Tell him if he carries on bringing this up, you will go away more often. That should shut him up.

AngryGnome · 18/04/2011 16:10

Agree with Hecate - it does seem an odd thing fora child to say. Has DS ever been present when your DH has related this "hilarious" story?

you mention you are a SAHM - is it possible your DH feels (rightly or wrongly) that you are closer to the DCs than he is because of this, and is a bit jealous?

AngryGnome · 18/04/2011 16:12

oh, and YANBU

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 16:15

Is he insecure?

BrandyAlexander · 18/04/2011 16:37

YANBU. Not funny the first time round and just plain mean the second time around. Both dh and I travel overeas for work and I know each would be very upset if the other made such a horrible comment like that, never mind repeating it to other people.

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 18:46

I had an ex who used to tell other people my insecurities (about my body etc) that I had told him in confidence (as you do!). For some reason it makes THEM feel better!

BertieBotts · 18/04/2011 19:05

How old is DS2? My DS is 2 and I wouldn't be remotely upset if he said something like this. (And I mean to say that in a kind way, not a "pull yourself together" way.) But they live very much in the present, you shouldn't take it personally. Most mornings when I wake him up to go to the childminder he says "Nooooo don't like . Don't wan go see " and then 20 minutes later when he's awake and ready he's practically tearing my arm off trying to get to the door to see her. And on days he doesn't go, he asks me "Go see ?" several times a day. When they say they don't like a person they just mean "right at this moment I would prefer something else".

However if your DH knew that it had upset you (and it seems a little insensitive of him to insist on telling you at a time when you're already upset :() he shouldn't have been telling everyone else about it. And he definitely shouldn't have been gloating about it, that's just cruel.

MayorNaze · 18/04/2011 19:08

kids cheer here when i go to work and dh is in charge

if i am not in the mood then i do not find this even faintly cute

but they really don't mean it

and am sure your ds didn't either

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.