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AIBU?

to go on holiday with only one of my children?

19 replies

StarryEyedMama · 21/02/2011 17:10

See, I think it is and I am feeling horribly guilty about it and I haven't even booked it yet!

Although, DP insists that's it fine. Basically the background is: My mother and father who are both elderly (and my mother who is partially disabled) have not been on holiday for years (and abroad for even longer). They've just moved into retirement accommodation which I organised for them and have quite the surplus of cash and while there kitchen is being refitted it was suggested that they could go on a cruise. I have found the perfect one for them which travels around the Med and I know my mother, particularly will absolutely love it.

I have two children, one DD who is 8 and one DS who is 12 months. I will need to assist my mother and father around the cruise ship and it's thought that if I have DS to look after as well as DD it would be too much and DS might not settle well.

There are of course are pros and cons to the situation:

PRO's

I get to spend some one on one time with DD which would be lovely as since having DS we haven't spent as much time together and we will be able to do all the excursions (which we might not be able to do if we had DS as many are not "baby" friendly)

It will be lovely to share my mother's dream holiday with her

I will be able to assist both my mother and father and help them make the most of the trip

I don't have to pay for it, my mother has offered to pay for it (jammy cow I know!)

CON'S

I will miss DS terribly and not sure I could cope with not seeing him for two whole weeks and I would worry about him even though he will be with his Daddy, Aunties and DP's Grandparents.

I feel mean for going on holiday without DP or DS but DP (who finds my parents difficult) wouldn't even think about coming!

I would appreciate some advice and particularly any helpful hints if you have done this!

TIA

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Ragwort · 21/02/2011 17:14

I think it will be lovely for your DS to have so much time with his dad - also as your parents are getting older it is nice for them to spend some quality time with you and your daughter.

I would do it if I was you (my DH also feels the same about spending time with my parents !)

caramelwaffle · 21/02/2011 17:16

Given the ages of the children, no, Yanbu.

ChippyMinton · 21/02/2011 17:18

you do not have to treat your dc the same, just treat them equally. there will come a time when your dd will be old enough to do her own thing and you will get to take your ds away on his own.

also, what a great opportunity for your dd to spend time with her grandparents.

BettyDouglas · 21/02/2011 17:19

If your DS was older, I'd say YABU but given that he's just 12mths, I don't see the problem. Other than if it was me, I wouldn't enjoy it as I'd miss my DS too much. But that's just me and that's irrational. He's safe and loved with his Daddy. YANBU.

gramercy · 21/02/2011 17:21

It's fine. You help your parents; your dp avoids them. Your ds will enjoy being spoiled in your absence and be ecstatic to see you when you return.

When my mother was gravely ill I frequently had to take dd who was a tiny baby and leave ds with dh for a week at a time. Much male-bonding went on!

gramercy · 21/02/2011 17:23

Ah - I see your dcs are the other way around. No matter - still a chance for each to spend some quality time alone with one parent.

LadyThumb · 21/02/2011 17:28

It will give you time to help your parents, enjoy your time with them and DD - and will give DH time to really bond with DS. Daft to turn it down, really!

weefriend · 21/02/2011 17:28

I think the only thing that would put me off is knowing how much I would miss one of my kids going away for 2 weeks without them. I'm sure your kids would both benefit in different ways with the 1 on 1 time they will undoubtedly get, and your parents get the help they need, and you get a nice holiday as well. So, as long as you don't think the separation thing will be too upsetting and make you miserable, I would go for it! It's not like the baby is going to have any concept of missing out and would be very unlikely to enjoy a cruise even if he could go.

squeakytoy · 21/02/2011 17:32

You are not being unreasonable at all. Your baby wont remember it, and you can make it up to him by taking him away when your daughter is off doing her own things when he reaches her age.

Your son will be spoiled rotten no doubt while you are away by doting relatives who will relish having him for a fortnight.

And your daughter will probably love having a bit of mummy time that she will have missed a bit of in the last year or more with you being so busy with a new baby!

bumblingbovine · 21/02/2011 17:46

If your parents are elderly and you want to spend this time with them and they need your help to properly enjoy the holiday I would go as far as to say definitely do not take your ds with you.

I spent 10 days once with my 16 month old ds and two very frail elderly parents once and it was frankly the worst holiday of my life. I was beyond exhausted when I came home. You have the plus that your 8 year old would be able to help a bit but that is unfair on her really.

Your DS probably will miss you. He may not be old enough to express it but he will probably still miss you. That being said, I have never been of the opinion that small children take precedence over everything else in my life. I make those decisions based on each individual circumstance.

Spending time with elderly parents helping them achieve their dream holiday would be one time where I might put the needs of my small child slightly second. Even if your Ds does miss you, he will be well cared for and will have a good time nonetheless.

I recently left my ds for nearly 3 weeks because of a family situation that I though took precedence over the fact that ds would miss me and that I would miss him. It was hard but it was the best decision I could make in my circumstance and in the end Ds and were fine. You need to make the best decision for you and your family.

fivegomadindorset · 21/02/2011 17:48

Go, your DS won't know that he is missing something, quality time with your DD and your parents and your DS will be spoilt rotten.

DurhamDurham · 21/02/2011 17:57

For my 40th Birthday last October I took my 17 year old dd on holiday to New York. My 13 year old stayed home with dh. We had a great time and I didn't feel guilty. dh took our 13 year old to Spain in the summer as I couldn't get time off work and 17 year old was busy with her summer job.

Last Dec I took 13 year old to Center Parcs for a few days after Christmas as dh and 17 year old were working.

Some people (especially my Dad who is convinced we are on verge od divorce!)think it's odd we have holidays wihout both children/each other but it works for us.

In two weeks time me and dh are off to Lakes without either dd!!! Cannot wait

FabbyChic · 21/02/2011 18:00

Considering the age difference in your children, if you can bear to be apart from your youngest go for it.

Bear in mind there is not a lot on a cruise ship for an 8 year old to do and they might get bored at some point.

Cruises are for oldies!

monstermissy · 21/02/2011 18:02

Me and my friend are taking our kids away soon for a week, im leaving my eldest at home with dh, He is in a gcse year and i dont want him taking time out of school. Dh and ds1 CANNOT wait to have the house to themselves with the little ones gone (8&3) we arent going anywhere exciting just for the little ones really. Everyone is happy. I will miss him loads though. Go enjoy :)

freshmint · 21/02/2011 18:02

I take each of my kids away for 5 days just the two of us when they turn 8.
My dh does the same when they turn 13.

We all get a lot out of it. Even better, your 12 mth old won't remember!

Enjoy

complexnumber · 21/02/2011 18:13

It's a good age for her to go on a cruise, I reckon. Aged 5 & 7 my two had so much fun. You get to see a new place every day and when you're on the boat there are shows and people teaching things like origami and magic. It wasn't even a cruise aimed at families but the kids still want to go back.

I think it is good to have the special time together and as long as you can manage the time away from the littlest it will be good for the rest of the family too.

foreverondiet · 21/02/2011 19:12

Why are you worried? Everyone wins:

-Your DS will not remember and will have a nice week with Daddy,

-your DD is older and will enjoy the trip.

Your DP doesn't have to put up with your parents

you get some time away with your parents and big girl. y

Maryz · 21/02/2011 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarryEyedMama · 21/02/2011 19:54

Thanks all - I really appreciate your advice and you have helped me make me decision so much easier - I'll be booking it tomorrow!

Now to decide what to pack.....and start preparing DP for looking after DS for such a long time!

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