to wish I had given the money to charity rather than buying a gift?

[twinkletweeter]

AIBU?

DSC's came after Xmas (both between 3 and 7), OH had bought them a massive pile of pressies which he struggled to afford tbh.

Their mum who is on benefits and often taps OH up for early maintenance or help with financial things (on top of maintenance and he is often gullible enough to give in) also spent about £300 on each child (she told OH this and asked him for half but he told her he would make his own arrangements).

I bought each DC a small gift for xmas from me and my DC's so they had a pile each under the tree when they came. They both ripped through the entire pile without even stopping to say thank you for anything or pausing to look to see what they had got and by the end of their stay a lot of what they had was broken or had been stwen over the house with bits missing (I am still finding them - but wonder if I should bother to post them back as they didn't seem to notice or be bothered ).

This sounds a bit like I don't care for my DSC's I do very much and I have a lovely relationship with them.

It was one of their birthdays recently so I sent a gift after checking out with OH whether it was ok/they had one. He said no thats great they'll love it. Have good relationship with OH's ex and was going to check it out with her but didn't in the end.

Enquired as to whether it had arrived today to OH to which he told me yeah it had and he'd forgotten that his ex had already got them one for xmas, but shes not going to bother to exchange it .

AIBU to feel that she should at least texted me to tell me it had arrived and perhaps thanked me (I didn't know and had checked they didn't already have one!!) and to just feel that DSC's are learning to be really ungrateful, materialistic and flippant with money and I may have just as well not wasted my time and given the money to a childrens charity who may have actually needed and appreciated it?

[saintknickerless]

YAB a bit unreasonable tbh. I'm sure most kids rip open their toys with excitement and misplace bits of them. And surely your OH as well as their mother is responsible for teaching them manners?

[twinkletweeter]

Yes absoloutely. I wasn't having a dig at her. He doesn't see them very often as he is abroad for long periods of time with work and is soft as shit a little lenient with them when they are here.

I have never allowed my Dc's to behave like that with gifts. My DD was a bit shocked too tbh.

[saintknickerless]

I know my two would rip the paper off and lose things. But they are 1 and 3 so their toys are pretty indestructible. Do you still have the receipt for the duplicate present - maybe you could ask the mum if you could exchange it so they can have something else?

[twinkletweeter]

I ordered it online as she lives miles away so am not sure how I can exchange it esp if ex isn't too bothered about it. I just really wanted to get her something she would use and wanted and feel like I've wasted my money. I was going to text ex and apologise and offer to change it but don't want to apologise for sending a gift that I haven't been thanked for IYSWIM.

[curlymama]

YANBU, I just wouldn't bother next time tbh. If you and your OH are to be together, presents can come from both of you. That way he can deal with it and you don't feel frustrated at the lack of thanks and the waste of your money. I take it the ex isn't going to go out and get gifts for your dd from her child? So you really don't need to do it. I know you are just being kind and thoughtful, and that's lovely, but if a gift isn't going to be appreciated even enough to warrant a thankyou, I'd just leave it.

[twinkletweeter]

That is kind of how I feel Curly. She doesn't know my kids so I wouldn't expect gifts. I just really love his kids and am pissed off he couldn't see that I wanted to give one of them something they would like and all she has done is bitch to him about me replicating a gift rather than just being gracious and thanking me.