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to hate being called m'am or madam by shop assistants

(125 Posts)
BadaBingBang Tue 04-Jan-11 07:08:42

Is it necessary to give me a title? M'am is a like being called Mum, and Madam puts me in mind of the lady in charge of a brothel.

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 20:19:12

I think that it is all to do with cultural differences,tgc. Mainly we all need to be kind to each other.
Some shops just tell assistants to use 'madam' and so they do. I can't see why is bothers anyone.

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 20:26:02

@Salmotrutta

The reason? Like the Madlizzy said, it sounds as if they are thinking of you "over certain age", it makes you feel old. And nobody has right to make someone old as long as they are still young.

@fanjofarrow

You can simply say, "Excuse me" or "Miss" is certainly better than Madam. I am OK with "Miss".

tgcounselling Sun 03-Nov-13 20:29:22

@SatinSandals

If it was only a cultural difference, it would be only me saying that I hate to be called Madam. As you can see, it is not only me. And you are a very cold person who does not care about other people's feelings.

Salmotrutta Sun 03-Nov-13 20:32:26

Sorry tgc but I think that's rubbish.

Most people on here have said they don't mind.

I have never objected to being called madam - I am over 50 but it never bothered me.

I would however have objected to being hailed by "Hi Girl" hmm

I'd love to be called ma'am. I still get called 'miss' or 'girl' and sometimes even 'kid' angry

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 20:40:29

I don't know why you think me a cold person. confused I have never called anyone madam and don't intend to start. I am merely saying that it is the norm in some shops and it is so trivial it isn't worth getting upset about. It is intended to be polite.

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 20:44:09

I get more surprised when they say 'can I help you guys' when I am with a female friend , but it doesn't't bother me. 'Hello Duck, can I help you' doesn't bother me either, or 'Can I help you, pet?'. 'Can I help you, my lover' threw me a bit in Cornwall until I got used to it!

Snowlike Sun 03-Nov-13 21:16:25

I really dislike being referred to as Madam. I do my weekly shop in Waitrose - in one exchange about the location of an item I've counted it being used 7 times - it makes me want to scream! And tends to be only the young men who do it. I see no good manners attached to it's use.

AmIthatHot Sun 03-Nov-13 21:25:49

On the rare occasions I have been called that, I have loved it.

DanglingChillis Sun 03-Nov-13 21:41:01

Better than being called by your first name by some slip of a girl as happened to me when I returned a hirecar last week. The assistant had a piece of paper with my full name and title and yet kept calling me by my first name. I was not happy, Madam would have been infinitely better.

RaRa1988 Sun 03-Nov-13 21:52:54

I still think that everyone is lying by saying that people would be offended if they are called by friendly terms.

TGC : Doesn't this rather contradict your point about people being 'cold-hearted' etc for calling a stranger Sir or Madam (or simply for not having a problem with this)? You think that people are lying by saying they would offended by 'friendly terms' - well, 'Madam' in the contexts we are talking about is intended to be a friendly and polite term, and yet that seems to offend you hmm .

I really wouldn't recommend you continue referring to adults as 'Girl' when you address them - it is pretty patronising and rude. Adults don't generally wish to be referred to as 'Girl' or 'Boy' by someone who doesn't know them. I only really hear it used when referring to a group of friends ie 'the girls at the office' or 'going on a boys' weekend'.

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 22:06:38

The 'slips of girls' at my hairdresser call me by my first name. I am a regular. I call them by their first name. I would hate the inequality of them calling me Mrs and me calling them Anna etc. if they called me Mrs I would have to use Ms or Miss.

Snowlike Sun 03-Nov-13 22:15:55

Overuse of first names is not something I feel comfortable with either. But it's always the young men in Waitrose and M&S who overuse madam. However anyone from the Deep South can call me Ma'am any time they choose - I just love the southern drawl. grin

Misspixietrix Sun 03-Nov-13 22:15:57

I actually like Madam. Can't stand Miss though.

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 22:20:40

I am not happy with inequality, I will not call someone Mrs, Dr, etc if they call me by my first name and if they call me Mrs then I can't call them by their first name. It doesn't matter who they are. It is either formal or informal.

FloozeyLoozey Sun 03-Nov-13 23:44:00

I always ask people to refer to me by my first name (short and simple), as my surname is long and foreign and complicated and I can never be bothered correcting/helping people's pronunciation of it.

Chesntoots Mon 04-Nov-13 07:52:03

If anyone called me "young lady" I would feel seriously patronised and offended. If someone in a shop came up to me and said "Hi girl" I would wonder if they had received any customer service training at all. I would certainly not be shopping there.

MsJupiterJones Mon 04-Nov-13 08:36:15

I hate it, it sounds false and makes me feel ancient.

Puts me right off shopping in Waitrose.

Snowlike Mon 04-Nov-13 08:46:35

Thing is I always get the feeling it's used with contempt. When I worked in retail we reserved the titles sir and madam for the arrogant idiots who were easily flattered by the superficial suggestion that these titles indicated respect...they don't!

MadeOfStarDust Mon 04-Nov-13 08:53:06

hah..... I got called a young lady the other day by a customer and it made me laugh..... (and feel goood!) I'm "about" 50 - she was about 80....

She said to my boss - "This young lady is helping me, thank you...." when he asked if she needed anything... he nearly choked at the "young lady", so I poked him in the ribs when I went past

PottyLotty Mon 04-Nov-13 09:52:25

I dont mind Madam or Miss its 'Duck' and 'Love' I hate. Duck/Love seems to be interchageable with Madam/Miss around here. Even in Tesco and B&Q they say it confused

BerstieSpotts Mon 04-Nov-13 09:56:52

I quite like "duck" <Midlander>

We used to have a woman who worked in our local WHSmith who was from the West country and she called everybody "Moi loverrrrr" - she was quite the local celebrity.

fanjofarrow Mon 04-Nov-13 22:56:21

I don't like ''Miss'' - I am neither a schoolteacher nor 12 years old.

Caitlin17 Mon 04-Nov-13 23:53:19

I don't mind "Miss" or duck, or love, or dear, in fact anything apart from Mrs which I loathe. I don't bother corrrecting any one. I have a vague recollection of Dick Emery sketch where a truly bonkers character did that.

Coupon Tue 05-Nov-13 00:39:44

YABU. It's respectful and polite.

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