To stop using the sodding calendar!!!

[LauraNorder]

DH and I have a shared online calendar which he is very good at keeping up to date as he is away with work a lot. I have used it to work out where he is but hadn't really been adding mine and the childrens commitments until recently. If i wanted to do something he always used to ask "is it on the calender?" If it was social stuff first one there got it IYSWIM.

As DH used it so successfully I thought I would keep him up to date with our whereabouts esp as Xmas is coming so lots going on. So I dutifully filled in all goings on in the Norder household, Xmas parties, nativity plays etc etc

One of the events is a memorial service I would like to go to, DH is on a study day that day, should be home at sound 5pm except that they are now all going out to dinner afterwards and he should really go despite my church service being "on the calendar"

He has also been invited to a leaving do which he initially said no to as it's DS's nativity play which he found out when he checked the calendar but since saying no a couple more people have asked if he's going and so he's said yes!!!!!!!!

What's the point? He'll do what he wants anyway! Rant over, need a cup of coffee

[faverolles]

YANBU
The memorial service - are you wanting him to go as well? Are the dc's going?
Could he go to whatever he wants, as long as he arranges childcare, seeing as you got ther first IYSWIM?

Nativity play - personally, I'd make my dh go to that amd miss the leaving do.

[LauraNorder]

No the service is just for me and my mum, it's a local one for anyone who has lost someone this year and as we lost my Nan in the spring my mum asked me to go with her, I would really like to go. If DH goes to the meal he will also be staying the night!

I just hate the way initially this calendar was seen as a 2 way thing but actually it's 1 way and only 2 way when it suits him.

[faverolles]

Point that out to him. If the memorial service was down first, then he should accept that and either not go, or sort out childcare and come back that night.

If this is happening all the time, maybe you need to sit down with him and point out what he's doing.
Does he think his arrangements are more important than yours?

[belgo]

Don't blame him for wanting to miss the nativity, do both of you really need to be there?

Dh and I have a shared calender, if there is a clash, whoever posted last on the calender has to arrange the babysitting. (unless it's work related which obviously gets the priority)

[LauraNorder]

Hes never made it to a school assembly, play anything! I personally think that's really sad. No there's no need for both of us to go but if he's not here neither of us can go as I have 2 other small children.

Of course work takes priority and for the past 7 years he has been able to do what he wants work wise and I have never made him cancel/compromise anything!

[belgo]

then you need to stand firm about your priorities, and make the compromises fair between you.