To want more from DS's father than £2.50 a week

[Asteria]

I left my DS's father in 2002, when DS was 3 months old, and had to rely on Benefits so the CSA automatically contacted my ex. It was an abusive relationship (he was a violent alcoholic) so I hadn't really been all that keen to take anything from him that would make me feel obliged to him. The CSA in their wisdom decreed that I was entitled to £2.50 a week (the ex fiddled his books), which I was so insulted by that I actually sent it back - and he cashed the cheques! Obviously I saw sense and stopped sending the CSA payments back after a few months.
Anyway, I am now geting to a point when I feel that he should actually be giving me something more in keeping with his lifestyle - not least because he is living in the house that I worked my fingers to the bone on and helped fund the build of (it's now worth about £750k) and I am struggling to make ends meet in a rented house (can't get a mortgage because I was left with a crippling loan after the house build that has CCJ's on it).
He has made no effort to contact his son, but I know that DS will want to meet him in the not too distant future as I have always been very careful not to say anything bad about my ex in front of DS (this will be an entirely different "what the hell do I do" thread I'm sure!!).
Do I hound him for more reasonable payments or just cut my losses and count myself lucky that I got out alive with my amazing DS?

[Asteria]

I have contacted the CSA every 2 years or so - but will try again. I'm not sure that Mr Haig would have time for my plight though!!!

[Chil1234]

Yes, go back to the CSA and tell them you think he's been less than straight about his income. And, in the meantime, be a little more honest with your son about his father. It's as bad to give children an idealised picture of the missing parent as it is to needlessly back-bite. Makes your decision to deprive them of a father seem irrational and unfair. The age-appropriate truth is always the best way.

[FlyingInTheCLouds]

stewie - they don't deduct anymore I was told.

[Asteria]

StewieG'sMom - very good point! Although I'm not reliant on Benefits any longer.
Chil - I have been very careful about that - as far as DS is concerned his father was very ill with something called being an alcoholic and it made him angry and me very sad(or words to that effect). I have always answered his questions as directly as possible after the lies that my parents fed me through their divorce!

[WildistheWind]

FWIW-

DH is Self Employed and pays a considerable sum every week to pay for DSD child support even though his ''profits'' are not that high.

£2.50 sounds ludicrous !

If you suspect something fishy in his books I would report this to the CSA, they will look into it.

This is from the CSA:
* If the non-resident parent seems to have a way of life associated with someone whose income is much higher than the income we used to work out child maintenance.

More info on here

[CarGirl]

Ask them to reasses it under departures that his lifestyle does not correlate to his declared income.

[Asteria]

I did a reassesment about 18 months ago and it came back at £2.50 per week again - the CSA don't seem to care - despite that fact that I know his business is doing well. SO frustrating. I don't know how he sleeps at night - oh sorry - yes I do - he used to have a bottle of gin by the bed.....!

[CarGirl]

Appeal on grounds of departure, have you actually done that. Such as what car he drives, what home he maintains, what hobbies he participates in, his social life.

[CardyMow]

Yes, you need to apply for a departure/variation based on 'lifestyle inconsistencies' of your ex. If you phone them and say you want to apply for a departure, they should send you a special form to fill in.

[Asteria]

I did just that - nothing seems to have come of it though [hmm}

[Asteria]

doh!

[Janos]

Hi OP. I second getting on to your MP re: CSA. I had to do this and once they got involved things starting moving sharpish-like.

As an interesting aside, did you know the CSA have an entire departmenr dedicated to dealing with complaints that come via MPs?

[MollieO]

He will have had to file tax returns. Hopefully the fiddling isn't an annual thing. If it is and you can show he has a lifestyle inconsistent with his earnings you can apply to the CSA for a variation order where they will investigate.

Ds's father hid his income the first time he was assessed and never paid the assessed amount. CSA didn't collect it as I said we'd do it direct. Four years later I got my act together and requested a reassessment and for the Csa to collect. Ex assessed at six times the old amount which the CSa collect.

I think I was very lucky as I managed to get one particular case worker at the Csa to deal with my ex, including speaking to my ex and getting him to pay arrears which had accrued after the reassessment but a computer glitch meant it wasnt collected. A sum of a few thousand paid the day after ex was verbally abusive and said he wouldn't pay!

Since then the case worker has kept in regular contact and ensured payments are being made on time.

[Asteria]

Right - well first thing tomorrow I will get back on to the CSA and I will try the Inland Revenue again too. I did tell them that it was ridiculous of them to believe that he was running a 16 room house and 3 cars on less than £100 a week - when I was with him that was his alcohol budget alone!
The trouble is that I really don't want to have to contact him directly - he broke my ribs when I was pregnant, threatened to kill DS when he was 3 weeks old and then told me that the only way I would leave him was in a box - so you can see he is not an entirely reasonable chap!