To not want to associate myself with people who tell racist jokes

[Hedgeblunder]

I know I'm not, I'm just absolutely horrified..

DP had a work related party last night and a load of people came back to ours to play cards etc (about 15 or so)
now these people are all very well educated, succesful, working with children and young adults.

A couple of hours into the game everyone was pretty merry, I left the room for a few minutes and came back to find one man using the n word- I told him to watch his language and I didn't want that in my house and he just said 'noo I'm joking I'm not racist or anything' and the game carried on, a conversation then started up at the other end of the table about racist jokes.
One woman said 'ohhhh I know one' and proceeded to tell a really really vile 'joke' it was the worst I've ever heard.
I was just and so were one or two others including my dp, while the rest fell about laughing.

I'd had enough so said it wasn't on in my house and said it was time for everyone to go home.

We've been invited to another party by the woman and her DH, and before yesterday I would have accepted. My DP says he thinks they were just drunk and showing off but I would never say things like that even if I were hammered.
Cunts!

[MoralDefective]

Well i agree with you but i suppose it's difficult for your DH if they are work collegues.
You were quite right to upbraid them.
I hate dirty jokes about women,i don't mean every joke but the really nasty ones,especially ones about rape.

[SumfingNew]

Hedgeblunder - you're within your rights to associate with whom you wish, for whatever reason. You're an adult, after all?

Also, it's your house, your rules.

That said, this would not bother me.

[Hedgeblunder]

Oh I know sumfing- I just feel like it's so widespread, I don't know if I was sheltered or naive before, but to me this attitude that it's okay seems to be spreading.

[sue52]

I don't think I've heard that word in a conversation since 1972. So no, not widespread.

[SumfingNew]

OP - I guess all our experiences are different.

I hear very few 'dodgy/inappropriate/offensive' jokes in public/at work etc...but plenty with friends etc.

If you don't like it you are entitled to tell other people so...especially when at home. If elsewhere, I think it's different but many wouldn't.

[Itsjustafleshwound]

Firstly, the only reason why you are friendly with these people is because your husband works with them - so work is really the only common ground and there is no guarantee that they share your values or morals - so just be strong and walk away!

[CuddlyNemesis]

YANBU. My DP's family don't see a problem using racist (IMHO) words or telling racist/offensive (underage/rapey sex) jokes in front of me. We both say something at the time about it being unacceptable, but they think that I am stuck up and don't have a sense of humour... Not really sure what to do - ignore them when they say these things, or contine to make comments and become further alienated among them. I moved away from my family and friends to be with DP and his family all live locally and have done since they were born, so it's not easy to avoid them...

[booyhoo]

yanbu. i wouldn't be happy to have that in my home and i wouldn't be happy going to the home of someone who thought it appropriate to tell jokes like that in public.

[TondelayooohSchwarlock]

I hate racist jokes. Difficult in a social situation with work colleagues but on the couple of occasions I've encountered this, I always look shocked and aloof and say 'have you not been on diversity training / HR training then?' The mention of HR usually closes them down.

Given it's a work situation, I think it's totally inappropriate.

[Katey1010]

YANBU. I fell out with BIL over this and never regreted it. I want to be able to look people in the eye when I talk to them and know that my morals when no one Black/Muslim is watching are the same as when they are IYNWIM.

[Hedgeblunder]

Exactly katey- none of these people would ever say such things if there were a black person in the room

[eaglewings]

YANBU

My fil tells such jokes and I feel I have to speak up as I don't want my kids hearing them.

He thinks I'm the one with the problem, but I can live with that

[Hedgeblunder]

Eagle- that's my worst nightmare, any dc of mine who came out with the shite I was hearing last night would be punished to oblivion. It's the worst thing to me, I think any kind of bullying is repulsive, but to pick on people for the way they were born is stupid, cruel and soul destroying

[Rindercella]

YANBU.

WHatever the environment - whether in your own home or someone else's - you are perfectly entitled to say that you find a 'joke' offensive/unacceptable. If in your own home people do not respect that, then asking them to leave as you did is bang on right. In another social setting then it's probably the best thing for you to stand up and leave.

To do otherwise is just condoning racism/sexism/whatever imo.

I am sure a lot of people I know tell racist jokes. I just don't get to hear them as DH is black and DDs are (obviously) mixed race. sue52, I am quite frankly shocked and slightly disbelieving at your claim not to have heard the 'n' word since 1972. It might be a nice, cosy thought for some people to believe that racism no longer exists. It does.