To want my money?

[bairn24]

When my dad was terminally ill he explained his will to me. He left everything to mum but wanted me to understand that this was for inheritance tax purposes and he was not leaving me out - he said that mum was aware of his wishes.
After he died mum decided she was not going to do what dad had said. She says she might need the money - there was never any discussion and it was sort of said in passing. I don't know if she even knows about the conversation dad had with me.
I am upset and angry and the longer it goes on the worse I feel.
Am i out of order to be feeling like this? I love my mum but I don't think I can ever forgive her for this. And if I do say anything now and she gets the cheque book out then I don't feel it would be my dad's legacy - it would be a grudged handout from her. She's absolutely loaded by the way...

[Pheebe]

This is going to sound harsh but I think you either need to tell your mum explicitly what your dad said and ask her for the money or leave it and walk away from the argument and assume that the money will come to you on her death anyway. Its a tough call as only you can know how this will affect your relationship with your mum and indeed what that relationship means to you.

I think you need to set aside the 'she's loaded' argument. The money is really hers and her husbands after all and you don't really know the whole financial situation.

[LadyLatherOfIndecision]

I am so sorry for your loss

If there was nothing in writing then I'm afraid your mother can dispose of the estate as she wishes; you may wish to ask in Legal about challenging a will

[Tortington]

if your dad wanted to help you out a bit, he could well have done that. couldn't he?

[Lauriefairycake]

I'm not sure I understand this

if they were together then their money as a married couple would be theirs not individually. It's perfectly normal for the entire estate to pass from one spouse to another and for them to intend to leave it to their child after the remaining spouse's death.

Why would you want her to break up the estate? She may need it all for her care when/if she becomes infirm.

Do you expect her to leave the entire estate to you on her death?

[bairn24]

Thx for the quick replies.
I know I don't have a legal leg to stand on, and I would never take it that far, the family has been through enough.
We're talking £100k though and it's quite a bitter pill to swallow.

[RustyBear]

Sorry for your loss.

I'm not sure what you 'can never forgive' your mum for if she doesn't know of the conversation? You don't actually know your father did in fact explain his wishes to her - he may have intended to but never did, or she may feel that his will does actually express his wishes.

And she is right, she might well need the money - if she needs care in her old age, 'being loaded' may not be enough - and how would she then feel if she has to rely on help from you because you have the money?

[Chil1234]

I would suggest that you talk to your mother about the conversation you had with your father and take it from there. There could be all kinds of reasons why things have not happened the way you expected. Grief affects different people differently and money is often the last thing on their minds. If you need the money then I would swallow your pride about accepting a cheque. If you don't need the money then don't pursue it.

Whatever you do, after you've had the conversation, draw a line under the matter as soon as possible. I've seen too many families split down the middle over what was supposed to be in a will or not. Resentment is the most destructive thing in the world. It's just money at the end of the day.

[Hedgeblunder]

You need to forget this. I'm sure it will come to you in time but money is never a good enough reason for you to fall out with your family. Some people don't get an inheritance at all so you are just going to have to erase it .
Are you in financial trouble? Could you just ask your mum for money and tell er to take it off anything she might leave you?
I know it must be upsetting that your dads wishes aren't being carried out but im sure he would never have wanted you to lose your relationship with your mum over it.
I'm very sorry about your dad x

[bairn24]

thx
I guess i'm just going to have to let this one go
She knows fine was what agreed. She said to me after he died that she felt guilty because dad wanted me to have some money but she wasn't going to do what he wanted in case she needed it.
The worst thing about it is that she talks about money all the time, and I find it hard to sit there listening to "woe is me I am going to have to pay so much in inheritance tax"!

[ninedragons]

No amount of money is worth wrecking your relationship with your mother for.

I haven't been in her position, but I can easily imagine that the world is suddenly a very scary place when you are a widow. I can see why her instinct might be to preserve any money for a frightening, unknown future.

Have an honest talk with her, but do try to see things from her perspective before you go in as the wronged and entitled party.