to not understand what AIBU by stealth means?

[moragsoverhereplease]

I have seen it written on a lot of threads where the op is accused of this and I don't know what it means. Thought I would work it out eventually but I haven't!

Explanation anyone?

Thanks

[ShirleyGarrote]

I bet you do understand really and will reveal this in 5 pages...

[ChasingSquirrels]

rofl

[TrillianSlasher]

You start a thread, put some information in the OP, ask 'AIBU?'

People say yes, YABU.

You say 'oh but what about XXX, surely I'm not BU'

People say yes YAstillBU

You say 'and YYYY as well'

People say well maybe YABjust-a-little-bit-U

You then say 'and ZZZZZ too'

People say FGS why did you not mention all this in the OP

[fedupofnamechanging]

It's where the OP only gives half the story, then reveals essential info later in the thread, usually to get people to agree with them if they have received lots of YABUs

[TrillianSlasher]

I can never decide if:

1. they are just bad storytellers
   
   or
   
   
2. they think that the info in the OP is enough to get a YANBU, so tehy don't need to tell us the rest
   
   or
   
   
3. anything after the OP is made up because they just can't bear being told YABU

[merrymonsters]

It's ones like this...

Am I unreasonable to ban MIL from seeing DD for giving her a chocolate biscuit?

Everyone says YABU.

OP then says - MIL called DD 'a stupid girl'.

Some people say YABU to ban her and should just tell her not to say mean things to DD.

OP says - MIL hit DD on the head with a hammer on purpose and she says DD deserved it and she'll do as she likes with her own grandaughter. Now am I unreasonable to ban her from seeing DD?

Everyone says YANBU.

[moragsoverhereplease]

Ah ha I get it now thank you!

[proudnscary]

Yes, as per answers above, and I think there's another type of stealth...when someone is being disingenous:

AIBU to wish I could be laid back like other mothers who feed their kids McDonalds whereas I feel compelled to make them organic lentil stew etc.

I once saw an OP about mothers at the school gate who, according to the OP, were all decked out in juicy couture tracksuits with acrylic nails and false eyelashes () and she was alleging to feel lazy and inferior that she didn't look the same. And of course 'they sound like cheap tarts, I bet you are way classier' posts came flooding in!

[mayorquimby]

pretty much summed up. " AIBU to object to my husband going on his mates stag"

everyone: yabu

op: of course I'm not. This friend encouraged DH to cheat on me on their last trip and has invited the woman with whom my husband strayed on the stag and has booked them a shared room.

I prefer ones where the op tries to grasp back against the tide of "yabu" with additional information only to be told they are still unreasonable. Then they descend into "I CAME HERE FOR SUPPORT/ You don't know anything about me or my situation so you have no right to say IABU"

[proudnscary]

Ha yes Quimby, the more posters agree they're unreasonable, the more they come out with 'but but he murdered my mother, burnt the house down, was best friend's with Hitler..' until they combust

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

Of course, the truth of it is that the OP is being 100% unreasonable but wants to be told they are right.

So they tell their story, convinced everyone will be on their side.

When folks say YABU, they spit out their dummy then set about posting anything they can think of to try to get posters to change their minds.

tbh, when they do that, I don't believe them. I think they are making it up to get folks to agree with them.

My mil keeps coming to visit, AIBU

yes

well, she keeps talking to me and I don't like her, aibu

yes

well, you're all bitches and you're WRONG, she beats my daughter with the dog's lead

See? If the information wasn't given at first and is only given to make a YABU turn into a YANBU, then it's probably bollocks.

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

xpost with MayorQ

[proudnscary]

And Trillian, I tend to think the OP becomes fabricated after they get the undesired response. It starts to spiral out of the realms of possibility.