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AIBU?

to spend every breathing moment thinking i want another baby

16 replies

Omarlittlest · 13/10/2010 12:10

Thats it really have a beautiful daughter now almost two - had terrible PND was off work for over six months (huge guilt about that too as i love my job) husband also on anti depressants ...) but we adore our daughter i am 39 not much time left and its all i can think about

as usual a hundred reasons not to - i am in counseling - trying to live life differently - more calmly and perhaps this is not quite the pressure we should apply on our lives right now but that little voice in the back of my head accompanies every breath these days 'if not now when?'. Goddamn hormones ....

OP posts:

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snaped · 13/10/2010 12:11

Godam hormones indeed.

Yes i can relate.

No yanbu.

What does dh think?

ToriR · 13/10/2010 12:20

you need to make a decision quickly becos soon it will be too late and it may be a huge regret. So discuss with DH and make a decision.

ForMashGetSmash · 13/10/2010 12:26

Have a baby....knock another out and make sure you have plenty of support. No reason for he PND to recurr...it might not.

luciemule · 13/10/2010 12:31

Just to tell you my sister's story.
She had her baby feb 09 and had bad PND and was put on anti-d's. Then she fell pregnant when her baby was about 9 months. She was like "how am I going to cope". She still had pnd 'days' whilst pregnant but not as badly as it had been before she was pregnant.

She had the second baby in August and is doing really well. My mum and me support her all we can; chores and washing so she isn't struggling with that too. Luckily her little ones are both lovely and very good. She hasn't had PND this time with the second.

If you are both desperate to start trying for another, don't let anything stop you. What ifs aren't nice and just because you had it before, doesn't mean you'll have it again. Agree that as long as you have lots of support, you'll be okay

Omarlittlest · 13/10/2010 12:54

gosh thank you all - am a little teary at such kind words ..
dh is a bit half /half ( which he also was with dd) he is an incredibly honest and honourable man- love of my life and always says he would overly worry if we had a baby ... eventually as i got older he recognised how much i wanted it and agreed we should go for it . but to my horror when she arrived he was so stressed and went on antidepressant which have stabilised things a lot .

he has always been always fantastic with other peoples kids and through out all of this is the best father i could wish for for out girl - really amazing - his sensitive side makes him really beautifully loving to her - (its rather incredible to watch ) . and of course i know he would be wonderful to another baby but i feel like he loves me enough to go for it despite the fact he feels its safer to stay as we are but maybe i should honour his worries ..
it feels like theres no right solution .. but am feeling very distressed about it all .

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Omarlittlest · 13/10/2010 12:59

for mashgetsmash - thats kind of my feeling - fuck it lets go for it ....

snaped glad to hear i am not alone - part of me gets annoyed cos i know its my body pushing away telling me theres almost no time left ... was the same the last time what ever happened to my brain the hormone monsters have taken over ?!

luciemule thanks you for you story i also hope if i d it again knowing what i know it might go better

and toriR i know i know but we hvae talked still no decision...

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hobnobsaremyfavourite · 13/10/2010 13:10

Do it but be kind to yourself and make sure you have lots of strategies in place to help and support you, Dh and DC. I have a feeling you will always be regretful and wonder what if if you don't .

FindingMyMojo · 13/10/2010 14:21

crack on with the job Ormar - just go for it! Good luck.

loonyrationalist · 13/10/2010 14:24

I really really relate to this - I could think of pretty much nothing else from when dd1 was about 18 months. DH was very unsure - like you he had taken some convincing to have a baby in the first place.

DH said what made up his mind was when we went on the ferry on holiday to France, it was full of families & luckily we were sat near to 2 where 2 siblings were playing nicely together. I think that & the time to relax on holiday as a family really helped.

DD2 was concieved whilst on that holiday ;)

KenDoddsDadsZombieDogsNotDead · 13/10/2010 14:42

I can relate too as I think about having another baby all day every day.
Had DD last December, bad pregnancy and birth, PND but I crave another baby.
Am 37 now and know time is not on my side and all I think about is the regret that I didn't start early and have a big family like my DHs with a loud family full of children.
I nearly bought an ovulation kit in the supermarket the other day.....

JenaiMwahHaHaHaaaaah · 13/10/2010 15:12

I think about it all the time, but my tight arse DP won't even consider it.

sapphireblwhooooo · 13/10/2010 15:13

I had horrible PND after DD1.....truly awful. 23 months later I gave birth to DD2 and have been absolutely fine. Don't let the fear of depression put you off.

bundlebelly · 13/10/2010 15:21

Me to! Terrible, chronic PND the first time, never thought I would have another baby. But a few years later, I did and I've been fine and lovely. Enjoying it so much we are having a third before run out of time! Don't let fear hold you back. Life is for living! Good luck

Omarlittlest · 13/10/2010 20:20

Jenai sorry to hear it have you kids already or would this be the first ?

i am really feeling better for hearing that many of you guys have survived PND and gone again do you think it because you know what to expect or have you tried to do things very differently?

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bundlebelly · 14/10/2010 09:34

Hi, for me personally, my PND was caused by abuse in the past which I had burried and not dealt with. Having my dd changed everything and I couldn't cope with all the memories and the anger, which sort of got turned inwards into the depression. I was also with the wrong man, with no other support around me. They were really dark days. I loved my daughter desperately, but felt powerles to protect her from the dangers and pain of the world. The main things that helped me were lots of counselling, antidepressants and making some good friends, through a support group. Ten years later a lot in my life had changed, and I was married to a lovely man, who didn't have any kids of his own, although a great step dad, and we decided to have a baby together. It's been a very happy, healing time for me, combatting my fear and having a baby and no depression! I have done some things differently, but I think having more solid emotional foundations is the key for me to not getting depressed. But everyone is different. There is help out there though and I would say if you feel strongly that you would love another one, and your dh agrees then don't let fear stop you. Seeing your children interact and love each other is one of the greatest blessings in life imo. Wishing you all the best and happy healthy times ahead!

JenaiMwahHaHaHaaaaah · 14/10/2010 10:10

Omar, we have a ds already. He's 10 (years that is) now.

Dp insists that we can't afford to have another - he grew up in a fairly large family and really hated everything being spread so thinly. Whereas I'm an only child and didn't hate it - but would have liked a sibling or two.

I don't think there's any way around it tbh - unless I won the lottery in which case I would be telling him that we were going to TTC

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