Commuting Etiquette

[QueenSconetta]

QS's little book of Commuting Ettiquette

1. Please sit on your own seat, not half of mine as well.
2. Please keep your coat/scarf/bag/wet umbrella etc off me. I don't know where they have been.
3. Please do not put your bag on one of the only available seats then look at me as if I have asked to shit in your handbag when I have the audacity to ask you to move it so I can sit down. Unless, of course, you have bought a ticket for it.
4. Please do not stand in front of the doors/try to push your way on to the train when people are trying to get off. It is just a lot more efficient if you let people off first.
5. Please don't try and push me on to the train from behind with your belly while I am waiting politely for people to get off the train (you know who you are Sooty Santa Man).
6. Please don't play your music full blast from your phone, or so loud from your earphones I can hear every word. We don't have the same taste.
7. Please do not invade my personal space with your GIANT newspaper.
8. Please do not put your feet on the seats. I don't know what you have trodden in.
9. Please be polite to the ticket inspector. I know they can be grumpy and rude sometimes but manners cost nothing and they are only doing their job.

10. Please do not put your feet so far out in front of your that I can't actually put mine on the floor. Unless you are extremely tall and can't help it. 11. Please do not treat me with utter disdain and as if I have not spoken to you when I politely say excuse me as I need to get past you.

I try to stick to the above when I am commuting because its enough of a pain in the ass as it is, and in the main so do a lot of people. Do you think I am living on a different planet to aspire that one day everyone might be just a little more considerate?

Any others to add?

please try to stop your large hound from shitting on the seat
please don't visibly wank

Both recent precious momentson Network Southeast

Ooh, nasty. I'm not sure which is worse!

i experienced someone wanking on a train once - he was sitting opposite and staring at me whilst doing it too (bleughhhh) - I think i was the last person in the carriage to notice. Shame i was younger and nowhere near as confrontational as I am now - I sat in horrified silence.

The playing music from the phone - I assume you mean literally just playing the music on the speaker for the 'enjoyment' of all? WTF is that about? Occasionally I am successful in casting evil looks at my fellow bus travellers to get them to stop but mostly not.

Some I remember from commuting in London long ago:

1. Could y'all not sing along to the same song at the back of the bus? Very annoying.
2. The way the entire bus erupted into phone convo exactly at 7 pm when the off-peak rate started [fond memories of the days before minutes were just minutes].

Today I had "guy who seemed not to realise how loud his voice was" (whilst explaining how they need not apologise to their lecturer for turning up half an hour late) as well as Music Guy but fortunately not People Who Can't Hear The Bell Has Been Rung For The Next Stop Until They Have Themselves Rung It.

Deoderant is not optional

Oh we also had the ultimate commuting etiquette (again) today of "hi, how about let's not do cable theft so people can get to the office?". It's an unbelievably regular occurrence and causes massive disruption. I imagine the thieves are not commuters but even so.

12. Don't talk to me on the morning train. Even if I know you. Especially about japanese performance cars. Couldn't be less interested.

Ah yes tribpot, cable theft is the scourge of the railway. I wonder if the theives realise how much trauma they cause.

Any man using public transport after the age of 30 should consider themselves a failure in life.

Ha ha, both of mine have just appeared - please wash yourself EVERY DAY, and also occasionally change your clothes, too

and

Just because I share public transport with you does NOT mean I want to talk. Go away!

Barmy - ! I guess you're not in London then? What a ridiculous thing to say.

To all middle aged men: unless your testicles actually are the size of grapefruit please refrain from spreading your legs akimbo into my personal space. Also, please don't breathe so loudly through your noses. Oh, and don't sniff. Sniffing applies to everyone.

Really BarmyArmy? What including all those that commute to their well paid City jobs?

If you yawn, please do not open your mouth like a lion, then blow halitosisy breath into my face so hard my fringe flies up in the air. Cover your mouth and direct the yawn-exhale into your chest so that you may realise just how bad said halitosis is.

Ditto for burping. I appreciate that its better out than in, better up than down. I also appreciate that you made it silent in an effort to be polite. But when you then let the burped up air out of your mouth, please at least be aware that it does smell of the brie and salami baguette you had for lunch, and do not direct it my way.

13 don't eat anything loud or smelly.
14 don't sniff
15 don't chew gum
16 don't have loud conversations on your mobile
17 put your mobile onto mute. The whole carriage doesn't need to hear it ringing or you texting
18 if you have young children, please don't sit near me. I have enough children of my own, that I have left at home.
19. if you sit next to me please put the arm rest down (or I will) and stay on your own seat
20 if you sit opposite me, please don't stand on my feet and keep to your own bit of carpet.

There that's good for starters . i am a miserable commuter, and seem to share my journeys with mostly miserable people too who share my views thankfully.

13 Please don't sit there tutting and huffing and trying to draw attention to yourself whenever there is a delay - we know you are annoyed. We are now annoyed at the delay and annoyed with you.

14 Please don't put your full face of makeup on - it makes me feel weirdly intrusive as though I have inadvertently wandered into your bedroom.

15 Please don't ignore me when I ask you to move down the train - I will just shout louder and single you out - yes you sweaty newspaper man, and you hair-flicking girl.

I think BarmyArmy has a problem with public transport because people keep treading on his/her big hairy troll feet.

I include myself in that statement - it was a paraphrase of something once ascribed to Maggie T.

Also am I the only one who gives fellow commuters names based purely on their looks or conduct? Then use these if talking about commuting with friend so everyone knows who you are talking about?

I shouldn't really bite but sod it, Barmy does that include if you travel first class to your six figure salaried job so that you can use the time not sitting in traffic into the City of London doing Very Important Work? Or are you still a failure for not having a full time salaried driver?

Yes, I have one to add.

Stop bloody sniffing, you snivelling twat.

Also, Barmy, does it include women over the age of 30? Or can only men be failures? Why is this? Or is it that we can only fail at housey things, like if we open the oven to peek at our cake and it sinks in the middle and has a dampy taste?

Sniffers, good call. I had one once who sniffed so often I started counting how many seconds there were between sniffs. I rarely got to more than 8. Surprisingly entertaining.

I often want to hand someone a tissue. I might next time.