Another MIL one...

[HeathcliffMoorland]

So, today MIL and I were having coffee in my kitchen. All was going nicely (we generally do get along).

Anyway, DS (he's 4) takes this moment to have a minor enough tantrum about the fact that it was DD1's turn to choose a tv programme.

I ignore tantrums and whinging. Always have. MIL knows this.

Still, she expressed sympathy and gave DS a big hug. Of course, this just fed the tantrum, and he really milked it... It usually passes quickly without anything to fuel it. It lasted almost a half hour, which very rarely happens in this house.

AIBU to feel a bit undermined, and frankly, quite cross?

[piscesmoon]

It isn't worth getting upset about-just let it go.

[Flisspaps]

YANBU as she knows that's not how you deal with tantrums, although she probably thought she was helping rather than hindering.

[Safari10]

No, he's your kid. But your MIL probably didn't realise what she was doing, they tend to adore their grandchildren beyond all reason in my experience ... lovely, but can be undermining.

[HeathcliffMoorland]

'lovely, but can be undermining.'

My thoughts exactly!

[AliGrylls]

I would let it go. It is what happens when you are with him, most of the time, that is important not what happens with MIL once in a while.

[DetectivePotato]

I wouldn't make a big deal but YANBU to feel annoyed. My nan does this all the time. I tell her to ignore DS when he has a tantrum and she goes over and talks to him and completely ignores what I say.

It does grate and I give her a look and tell her (yet again) that he needs to be ignored and he will get over it, as he always does.

[HeathcliffMoorland]

As people are saying, I absolutely plan to let it go.

I'm just feeling a bit irritated at the minute about it.

[theowlwhowasafraidofthedark]

Annoying yes, but definitely not worth getting cross about.

[sleepingsowell]

I would let it go too, unless it were a daily occurrence.

I think Safari is so right, some GPs love their grandchildren with such a passion that it's impossible for them to keep to rules that parents have!

I'd be inclined to see the wider picture and just put it down to a GP's intense love for your child which is a lovely, lovely thing and very enriching for your child/ren. Your DS won't remember this tantrum and this occasion won't undermine you as parents. Let it go and feel blessed she loves him so much.

Of course I think it is different if you're seeing her daily and she's undermining constantly but that's not the impression given in the OP.

[ConnorTraceptive]

My SIL does this occassionally makes me want to scream but I don't as it only happens once in a blue moon.

The best one wa when she gently moved me a way and "ah connor let me deal with this." and promply promised ds1 a trip to the cinema if he put his shoes on and left nicely.

I chewed on the steering wheel all the way home, bitched solidly to DH for a week and never said a word to SIL.

[HeathcliffMoorland]

To be fair, the woman is generally really lovely. DS doesn't whinge too often either, so not regular.

I was just a bit niggled by it... I won't fuss, but could have done without it all the same. Thanks for the replies people!

[Safari10]

I remember my MIL gave my DD a tiny lick of ice-cream for the first time when she was just under a year - and she loved it (obvs). I was still being quite strict about her food at this point, and was very annoyed ... but looking back on it now I think I was more annoyed I'd missed her first taste of ice-cream. She's done something that went against my ethos - but she'd also take some "control" away from me. I wanted to be the one that said if and when she tasted ice-cream. Think I quietly seethed about it for about a week! No big deal, but it was to me at the time.

[mumbar]

YANBU to be annoyed but agree its a GP thing it seems.

The other week at Mums B'day BBQ ds had trains on the floor and I went and got his little tykes car from my car to leave their for cousind DD. My DS is 6 now.

3 times I told him not to drive over toys on the floor or down alley,(had about 10m sq space to play btw),the last time a consequence was given - that was extra chance as at home gets asked once. He did it again so I told him gently he would have to come away for not listening. He cried - and I mean a cry not full on hysterical upset. Mum asked me what was wrong, explained and she had a real slanging time AT me for making him cry and ruining her birthday WTF??

I have learnt to let it go - actually when she wants to see him I go elsewhere usually supermarket in peace

[prozacfairy]

I have this alot and she isn't even my MIL anymore, think most mothers do with MILs.

Saintly MIL: "Can I give xxxx some ice cream?"

Evil mummy: "No, she didn't eat her dinner."

Saintly MIL: "Only a little bit of ice cream, she's so hungry."

Evil mummy: "That's because she didn't eat her dinner. If she can't find room for dinner, she can't find room for ice cream. I'll get her some toast when I've finished."

This will went on for about 10 minutes before MIL sneaked DD into the kitchen and fed her about 5 massive spoons right out of the tub.

I dunno why I bother having rules at all ....

[ladymariner]

because you're the mum, prozac, and gp's tend to do as they like within reason! Go with it, dc's know the rules and who's ultimately boss, even though it doesn't always feel like it xx

[prozacfairy]

Oh I know lady DD was bleating "but mummeee said no, grandma!" while having ice cream shovelled in to her mouth. (Note: she didn't walk out the kitchen but stayed and gulped it all down )

And ofcourse when I get pissed off and have words I get the stock response "But I was only trying to help" or worse "well, if you weren't so strict...."

For the record I'm one of the least strict mums I know. MIL doesn't see DD (her only GC) that often so it isn't a major issue I just hate being totally disregarded like that.

But then inlaws always did that to me and they were one major reason my relationship with their son broke down, and now they see their GC even less. You'd think some people would learn wouldn't you?

[ShowOfHands]

Oh God I did this to a friend recently. I wonder if she secretly hates me? Her ds was just winding up to a tantrum and friend just looked so weary (she's an ignorer). We were due to go out and her ds can tantrum for an hour or so. I intervened.

She didn't seem to mind.

Oh I should apologise shouldn't I?

[ladymariner]

yep, you'd think so but they don't!!!!! And whilst I do think you have to go with it I do find it bloody irritating to say the very very least!

[TooBlessedToBeStressed]

it is a bit irritating really,but try to let it go,grandparents are like that and frankly i think we should cut them some slack,well not all the time,i do understand you though

yesterday DH took DD who is 5mnths to his mum,when he came back he told me that she had given her potatoes and some sauce,they both know i am not ready for her to eat heavy stuff,but i was not there so she was fair game,i was pissed off but chose not to say it,just made a note that next time i will be there and will tell her not to feed my child salty food,and many times i have to walk out of the room when MIL is visiting,DD hates being cuddled too much,then she starts cying and wants to be put down,it takes a whole army to get her out of MIL's arms,used to irritate me no end,now i just let DD do the talking,sorry to go off..