to expect 7 year olds to play party games?

[GreenMonkies]

Or just to join in and be enthusiastic about a birthday party in general?

DD1 had her party yesterday, we invited some friends over, and after waiting to see if there were any late arrivals, we started with pass the parcel. This was greeted with a distinct lack of enthusiasm, particularly by two girls who could barely be bothered to get off the sofa. One of them won, and seemed totally unimpressed by the prize (a High School Musical activity book which DD1 chose and said was brilliant) we then played musical statues, again, these two girls had to be told to get up and join in, then we had food, which went ok, and then, the "main event" Karaoke.

The party invitations said it was a Hannah Montana Karaoke party, so it was clear that we were doing this, and guess what, the two "teenage" 7 year olds sat on the sofa and refused to join in. They just sat on the sofa, watching the other girls and looking bored and sullen.

When it turned into just DD1 and one other girl doing all the singing we abandoned the karaoke and asked the two non-joiners what they wanted to do. They said they wanted to play a board game we have, so we got the game out, and played it, half way through they were clearly board of this too, so we wrapped this up and I got decisive, and announced that the karaoke was going back on, every one was going to have a turn, in pairs, and there would be prizes for the highest scores and most entertaining performances etc.

Everyone gathered around and had a turn singing a duet, on a "winner stays on" system, and I managed to hand out some of the prizes I had stashed, but Jeeeeeeeeezus, it was hard bloody hard work!

There were several other adults here, DD1 had invited a couple of "my" friends that she particularly likes, and we all joined forces to get every one up and going, and after the party "guest" children had gone one of my friends turned to me and said how rude the two girls had been. Now, I had been busily convincing myself that I was over-reacting by being so annoyed with them, but they brought every one down, by sitting looking pissed off and watching they made everyone else feel self conscious and unwilling to get involved. Most of all I was disappointed for DD1, she'd been so looking forward to her birthday and having her friends over, and then it all almost died on it's feet. We only just managed to get it going in the last hour after several false starts.

One of the sullen girls had a "make over" party earlier this year, and the other has all her own make up and stuff, and I got the feeling they felt that the party was beneath them, but I refuse to have a teenage party for 7 year olds.

Next year we are going to take a few kids to the pictures and then have "best friend" sleep over. I'm not busting a gut like that just to have it scorned by a pair of mini-divas.

I'm pissed off, can you tell?

[BuntyPenfold]

Sympathy to you greenmonkies. Now you know who not to ask again.
I do noisy fast games myself for 7 years and over, so time limit/panic/laughter/next turn coming up fast - gets them going.

[rainbowinthesky]

DD (nearly 7) has always struggled to join in with party games at other peoples parties. I'm not sure why exactly but I know she has sat on sofas as you described. At her own 6th party we did loads of traditional party games and she joined in completely with no problems. Since she started school she hasnt gone to every party she has been invited to because I know she doesnt find it easy to join in for what every reason and would appear to be bored and sullen as you described so I'm happy for her not to go as I know the parents will judge her as in your op.
Ironically your dd's party of a Hannah Montana karaoke party would be imo a bit too teenagerish for her age group.

WHat I am trying to say is there can be another side to the story although dd wont be having a make up party that's for sure.

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

Do the girls concerned have older siblings?

I've got boys myself, but friends with girls tell me there's a bit difference between first children and those with more "sophisticated" tastes picked up from older siblings.

OTOH, some girls (and boys) who behave like this are actually a bit scared of looking stupid, and it's a sign of insecurity

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

X post with rainbow - I know what you mean. My DS1 can appear quite rude to other people if he's outside his comfort zone. It's something we work on

[rainbowinthesky]

Not very clear about what I said about Hannah Montana - I didnt mean not suitable for 7 year olds but not for dd as she is at 7. The difference between me and their parents is I would have read the invite, discussed it with dd and probably agreed together not to go as i know she would have ended up on the sofa not through being a diva but would have appeared that way through not joining in singing karaoke etc.

[rainbowinthesky]

Yes, Jamie - out of their comfort zone describes what I've been trying to say.

When ds was younger he was very shy and would often appear very rude in his mannerisms but he was simply too young to know how to hide his shyness appropriately.

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

My DS1 is 10 and his social skills are getting much better

[GreenMonkies]

Sorry, I should have said that all the girls except one have been to all DD1's birthday partied since she started school (so this is the third time they have been to a party here) and both the non-joiners have been to play here several times. They weren't shy, or out of their comfort zone or doing any thing they haven't done before, in front of anyone they haven't played with before.

Ironically the one who hasn't been before was the one who joined in the most enthusiastically.

[BuntyPenfold]

I wouldn't expect them to sing to be honest. I would do the chocolate game, make-a mummy, treasure hunt etc.
If a child is timid or selfconscious I would probably know that, however if I didn't know it would be helpful to be warned I suppose.
I put children in pairs, for example, if I think appropriate for a game, rather than say 'get a partner' which can be hard for some.

[castille]

Agree with Jamie. I know the sort of girls you mean, often they have older sisters or, much worse, mums who push them to be cool and grow up too fast, it's really depressing.

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

There are a group of Cool girls in DS1s class (but not DS2, who is 7 too). I do think it's a shame they are getting interested in makeup, clothes and boys so early

[HoopyFroodDude]

Well, pass the parcel sounds OK but singing in front of a group could be some people idea of hell. IMHO it sounds quite teenagersih as well.

[GreenMonkies]

They were singing in pairs and groups, not on their own, I'm not that mean!! They all know each other, play together regularly, it wasn't stage fright etc, they just couldn't be arsed! It didn't matter what I tried to get them gee'd up to do, these two just sat and looked unimpressed.

Next year it's the cinema and a sleep-over!

[HoopyFroodDude]

Sod them then

[GreenMonkies]

HoopFroodDude, thats how I feel yes!

[HoopyFroodDude]

Cinema and sleepover for a few sounds like a good idea next year. It is horrible when you put tons of effort in and a couple ruin it.

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

See, this is why I hate parties and always have done

< miserable >

[amidaiwish]

well i have a nearly 7 DD1 and wouldn't do a party as you describe as i imagine it would be a) too hard work and b) too high risk.

yes the two sullen girls were PITAs but not that unusual i don't think at that age.

so no YANBU but i think you had unrealistic expectations.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

I can't abide sullen dcs. It's not just girls - ds has a male friend who is the same.

I don't think being interested in make up or whatever and not being an ungrateful, moody diva/divo are mutually exclusive though, by any means. My friend's dd - who I'm very fond of - is 10 going on 15, but is mature enough to understand that having fun shouldn't be beneath anyone, however cool they are.

[Gay40]

I hated those sort of "everybody join in" party games (still do). DD isn't that bothered either, she'll be the one sat on the sofa wishing it would all hurry up and finish so she could go home. Enforced fun is soul destroying.
I also don't force DD to be jolly or enthusiastic if she's not in the mood. And she rarely does sullen.
I do wonder if all this effort for parties is actually for the kids at all??????

[amidaiwish]

agree, but at any party you have a couple of kids who don't join in - not in the mood, tired, embarrassed whatever. with a party entertainer/hall they can usually work them in or let them "opt out" without it being a big deal, they get lost in the crowd. at home, they are very visible, wreck the atmosphere and can potentially ruin the party.

that's what i mean, not that it is ok, of course it isn't.

[Deliaskis]

With my experience of 7-10 yr olds at Brownies, they are usually happy playing party games, although for the older ones they are clearly 'humouring' the younger ones but they have the insight to do that which I always appreciate.

I have noticed that they often think they want to just dance along to music in disco stylee, but in reality, at 7, they get bored with this (and some are very self-conscious) after about 3 minutes, so we normally keep this very short.

I guess the point I am making is quite often at that age I have found that what they think they want to do and what they actually enjoy doing might be slightly different.

Just realised most of this post is completely irrelevant and unhelpful to your OP but I've typed it now so might as well post!

Don't think it was your fault, some kids just don't seem to enjoy these types of things. I have noticed that most of my Brownies for birthdays are having a 'close friends' day/afternoon out (like pictures or similar) and tea and sleepover rather than actual parties so that might be an idea for next year.

D

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

GAY I think I was similar as a child, but it's how one doesn't join in that matters, imo. Smiling and saying "I'm fine thank you" to the people trying to get you to join in is one thing, being sullen and too-cool-for-school is another.

I'm glad I overcame my dread of joining in - I actually enjoy making an arse of myself sometimes

[FlorenceMattell]

we had a Karaoki Party for my 7 year old DD last year. Was Hello Kitty Japenese Theme.
So had sing star Mama Mia songs Karaoki and had set up a table with Orikami paper and premade simple models for those girls who would be too shy to join in. But ... they all loved sing star - were in 2 teams of six.
I think the girls you mentioned were rude. I wouldnt had made anyone join in but would have steered them to Orikami.
We also had pin the bow on Hello Kitty and a paper mache Hello Kitty Pinata. ( i love partie) Whole party cost next to nothing. Had at home and sing star birthday present.
One of the mums who had arrived for her daughter sniggered at our paper mache Hello Kitty but made a mental note to crosss her daughter off any future parties.