Naturally I am not BU in the slightest but want lots of people to agree

[LittleSilver]

OK, have (childless) friend (F1)from uni who have stayed in touch with. We also have other friend with 2 year old, also from uni (F2). About 3 times a year F1 and F2 and I and attendant husbands meet up for dinner.

We are due to meet up in a fortnight at mine for a Saturday bbq. A few days a ago I get a text from F1 saying sorry have double booked, can we make it Friday (day) or Sunday instead. Well, Friday is stupid as DH works and she KNOWS this, as indeed does F2 and her DH. Sunday no go for us as have church commitments. So then she says, can we move bbq to a couple of hours earlier so we can go to 2nd bbq as well. I say yes.

Text last night saying, can we make it the evening instead. I DON'T want to do a bbq at mine on a Sat evening as am bit zealous about DD's bedtimes (aged 1,2 and 5) and just KNOW this would end up with them running riot until late, which I don't want, as they will be exhausted the next day and don't do late nighte well. I know this from experience.

I am peeved because she seems to think everything needs to revolve around her and HER social life, when actually F2 and I very rarely get to go out and see friends due to babysitting hassle. Obviously that's our choice, but is it too much to expect her to note a date (agreed 2 months in advance) and stick to it?

I want to text back and just suggest cancelling, can anyone suggest a polite way of doing so that at the same time makes her realises I am peed off?

Oh yeah, and aibu?

Then get text last nigth saying, actually can

[StealthPolarBear]

so she can come after all?
TBH I'd just do this with F2, doesn't sound like F1 gets how difficult it is for you both (understandably)

[foureleven]

She is being U. But remember what it is like to be childless and free as a bird... I think you need to point out in a nice way the implications of all these changes in arrangements.

[mistletoekisses]

YANBU. At all. But dont waste time getting annoyed. She asked you to move it. Just say no, it isnt convenient. If she can still make the original time, fine. If not, fine.

This could be one of two things. Pre kids, you simply dont get how hectic/ tiring life becomes once you have DC's. You don't. So she has little idea of where you are, and hasnt thought it is a big deal to shift things around a bit.

Or - she actually maybe finds it hard/ not her particular cup of tea to be around other peoples children. Because an afternoon BBQ with young children is not particularly relaxing. I know that unless I have friends round in the evening, I dont really get to chat with them as the DC's are constantly distracting me.

[mumbar]

I'd probably have bbq at original time as it worked best for 2/3 parties involved and as you say arranging around childrens 'happy' times at this age is important.

Text and say bbq at original time as doesn't suit you or F2 to change it and sorry she can't make it. Balls in her court then.

[nancy10]

I would text her back and say that you are going ahead with BBQ as originally planned because you are looking forward to it and don't want to cancel it. Then suggest arranging another date aswell so that you can all meet up as you would normally do. Then she has the option to call in at some point in the day if she can and you're not putting everything on hold waiting for a convenient time for her.

[LittleSilver]

Thanks everyone.

411 SHE was the one who sugegsted the bbq at mine! I'm normally much more up for a meal out!

[PueriSimilisCanis]

do you people not speak by phone ?