to wish DH was a bit neater?

[BusyMissIzzy]

Without wanting to sounds clichéd or shrew-like, I just wish my DH was a bit neater/tidier. He leaves his jacket in a pile on the table instead of hanging it over a chair or in the wardrobe, he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor instead of chucking them into the laundry basket. He leaves crumbs whenever he makes toast or a sandwich (and I don't mean 3 or 4, I mean a handful, which I have to sweep up). He leaves newspapers strewn about, he emtpies his pockets of reciepts and change and leaves them in clumps round the house. He doesn't straighten the towels after drying his hands, he manages to unfold all the T-shirts in his drawer while choosing which one to wear. I could go on, but it's boring .

I'm far from perfect myself, and I don't mind a bit of clutter, but if I leave stuff lying I try to at least leave it in a tidy way IYSWIM. And the crumbs thing bugs me; clutter is one thing but leaving food remnants around is unhygienic.

I've mentioned these things to him (have tried calm patronising explanations, exhasperated sighing, and angry shouting) but he doesn't like being "told off". It's silly, trivial stuff really; he's generally a good bloke, he's a great Dad and I love him to bits. But I get tired of tidying up after him! There's a Six Feet Under episode that starts with a woman clobbering her husband with a frying pan after decades of irritating behaviour. Would I be unreasonable to threaten DH with a similar fate?

[Chil1234]

You met this man before you married him, I take it?....

[foureleven]

Dont wait decades. Just do it.

This man would drive me to suicide.

But then again, YABU because presumably you knew this about him when you chose him as your life partner...

oh.... you thought you could change him didnt you..?

[foureleven]

(thanks god mr foureleven has OCD!)

[Bonsoir]

It is beyond me to understand why a man who behaves like an infant when it comes to tidying up after himself might be considered to be a "great Dad".

[BusyMissIzzy]

Yes, I meant to say, he was the same before I married him. But it's more annoying now than it was 5 years ago. So in another 5 years... I will probably have to resort to the frying pan thing

[katkouta]

I believe we may be married to the same man

[Chil1234]

Life-lesson #1 .... beware of tolerating a prospective partner with 'endearing idiosyncracies' because they will appear on the charge sheet as 'provocation' in due course. Of course, it's annoying but I expect you have lots of cute little habits that are really getting on his tits now as well....

Life-lesson #2.... people don't change. Either get used to it or be increasingly grumpy for the rest of your life.

[SpeedyGonzalez]

in that case he's a three-times bigamist. But he wasn't like this when we got married, the scoundrel.

[sapphireblue]

make that four-times bigamist. I am sick of having to re-fold all the clothes in the DDs drawers every monday from where he's dressed them at the weekend!! And the crumbs all over the shelf thing is really irritating too.

He hordes everything and is completely incapable of putting anything away. Ever.

After 8 years of living together, you'd think I'd have gotten used to it.

[olderandwider]

If you tell yourself that the "price" of living with a pretty much decent bloke is putting up with some of his less attractive habits, you may find life less frustrating.
He won't change, only you can change your attitude. I would leave the messy papers and towels (trivial imo), let him wear crumply t shirts, and maybe have a go at changing his unhygienic crumb-dropping habit. The rest, just leave it.
I do feel your pain tho'. I've been married for 25 years to a habitual towel dropper and crumb maker and I don't really notice now.If it bothers me I tidy it up myself/ignore it/ask DH with a smile if he would mind tidying up a bit (the smile is crucial).
Somehow having three options makes it seems less annoying. Most men are messier than most women imo. My trade off with DH is - he can cook and he loves supermarket shopping (which I hate). As long as things balance out, you'll be fine.

[hmmSleep]

My dh does all those things, but admittedly I do a few of them myself (picturing the crumpled heap in my t-shirt drawer and dirty clothes left on floor in bathroom ). If that's the worst of his sins I think you (and I) have it pretty good really. Still a bit annoying though!

[rebeccacad]

You could go on strike? I do this sometimes - I stop tidying up and see how long it takes him to notice the piles of mess everywhere. We are usually picking our way across the floor before he does something about it but a really tidy few weeks generally ensues. I find it illustrates the 'if I didn't tidy up after you this place would be disgusting' point very well. AND it means you can have a rest without feeling guilty because you are making a point not being lazy!!!

[diddl]

But how would you know about these habits if you didn´t live together beforehand?

[Firawla]

mine does this too
it's really annoying but i suppose there are worse things they could be doing

[chandellina]

sounds just like my DH. I've tried strikes - he never notices. He'd probably rather I just left it all so he wouldn't have to listen to me complaining, but that's not to say he'd ever tidy up his stuff. Maybe after several months.
The easiest thing is to tidy up after them - though I know that it like writing doormat on your forehead.
Or maybe it's just a way to keep domestic harmony.
oh well, I haven't figured out the solution after 9 years but I suspect I'll still be hanging up his trousers when we're old and grey.

[diddl]

These men with the bad habits-did they ever live alone & live like this in their own house?

If not, they are being very lazy expecting to have stuff picked up for them now that they are no longer alone.

If so, well then, you were warned.....

[SpeedyGonzalez]

rebeccacad - DH has been known to step over several piles of toys on the floor to reach me (working late at night at dining room table) and kiss me goodnight, saying he's off to bed. Then I'll say 'would you mind just quickly putting those toys in the box?' (a five minute job at most), at which point he'll huff and puff about it. Oh, right, because clearly I should clear it up after finishing my work at midnight, so that he can get yet another early night. So sadly, your 'wait and see' approach wouldn't work in our household.