Losing weight to be matched

[PamelaPatricia]

My partner and I have been approved to adopt for almost 18 months. We have had a few close matches that have all failed for a number of reasons, though mostly through no fault of our own or for reasons beyond our control.

We have just been turned down by our LA because of our weight. We are both overweight, me particularly, but until now we have been able to show that we have changed routines, adapted habits, and been healthier. Although there has been no significant weight loss, equally there has been no weight gain. The LA now wants tangible evidence of significant weight loss, though this wasn't specified earlier.

I just wondered if any other adopters (prospective or matched) had faced weight issues when being matched with children and what they did to overcome them? We are trying to lose weight though not losing very much, but then we don't want to lose lots quickly only to put it back on. Any tips or advice would be gratefully received.

[Char22thom]

Have you tried slimming world? I hadn't until recently, but have managed to lose a stone in 6 weeks, I have tried various healthy eating/diets etc and lost very little. I find joining a group/club focuses me and gives me a sense of commitment that I don't get doing it myself x

[PamelaPatricia]

Congratulations on the weight loss. I have tried Slimming World before, though I wasn't overly successful. The accountability was good but I didn't really get on with the meal plans. Might need to try it again though. Certainly preferred Slimming World to Weight Watchers and had more success with SW.

[Char22thom]

I don't know if it has changed since then, but it certainly seems easy enough now as most things are allowed and you don't need to measure or weigh them 😊 maybe have another go as it will also provide you 'evidence' of the weight loss that SS are wanting from you.good luck! X

[sweetchilli77]

before going to approval panel i had to get my BMI down below 40, we went to panel yesterday with a yes. They wanted to see evidence that the BMI was going down, which i did and they where pleased.

Its hard to diet at times but they want to see you have changed and are trying. I also think it depends what your BMI is
Our SW did warn us that our LA preferred a BMI of 40 below before even going panel.

They are some good threads in the weightless section, have a browse and see if there is anything that may help you :)

[PamelaPatricia]

Sweetchilli77 thank you for posting. Congratulations on your weight loss and your approval. We have been approved for 18 months so feel like the goalposts have been moved for matching.

Will look on the other threads and see what wisdom I can glean.

Good luck with your adoption. We have found the waiting very difficult - more so now that we are given new obstacles to overcome - but it will be worth it.

[Rainatnight]

That does sound like they moved the goalposts, which doesn't seem very fair. Are you the same weight now as you were when you were approved?

[PamelaPatricia]

I think we are both a few pounds lighter than at approval. No substantial weight loss but no gain, so we have kerbed some of our bad habits.

I think it is the unfairness that is frustrating us. We know we we both overweight and should lose weight but feel that a suggestion to lose weight has now become a mandate.

I have found the long wait to be matched difficult and frustrating and have lost motivation because of it. Having to lose weight to be matched is an incentive but now I feel that it is an unachievable target. I have a lot to lose but feel that I need to lose it fast to appease matching panel or whoever. But that is not a successful way to keep it off.

[PamelaPatricia]

I think we are both a few pounds lighter than at approval. No substantial weight loss but no gain, so we have kerbed some of our bad habits.

I think it is the unfairness that is frustrating us. We know we we both overweight and should lose weight but feel that a suggestion to lose weight has now become a mandate.

I have found the long wait to be matched difficult and frustrating and have lost motivation because of it. Having to lose weight to be matched is an incentive but now I feel that it is an unachievable target. I have a lot to lose but feel that I need to lose it fast to appease matching panel or whoever. But that is not a successful way to keep it off.

[GodMother78]

My husband and I both have bmi's in the low 40s we have been told we can't go foward with our application by the medical advisor. So we are going to do what has been advised. Slimming world is great you get a lot of support and ideas about good alternatives to snacks that make you put on weight. My husband and I are both members of slimming world and it is helpful and will hopefully aid us in reducing our weight and keeping it off. I would definitely recommend it.

[Kr1stina]

I'm sorry, I know the waiting period is hard and even harder now you have been told this . But I'm not sure there's any way round this and you will just have to do what they say if you want to progress your applicaction.

I'm afraid that the number of prospective adopters for some categories is quite large compared to the number of children available, so they really do call the shots . I know it's very upsetting .

Have you been given a target BMI and do you have a plan for your weight loss ?

Have the LA actually said that you have to lose weight fast, or is that just your feeling ?

As PP have said, there's lots of good support threads on MN and many people find it really helps them keep up their motivation. Although you may all be losing weight for different reasons, you all have the same goal .

[MintyLizzy9]

My weight was flagged up at pre panel medical. As hard as it was I had to loose some weight so joined slimming world and the gym. My initial goal was to loose whatever I could by panel so I had around 4 months. Panel wanted an update from my doctor about weight loss so I waited until a few days before to go for weigh in. Thankfully I had shifted almost 2 stone and thought that was it. When I was linked around 8 months later they wanted another doctors update to check if I had maintained or lost any more. I had lost more but had put most of it back on so had to go for a quick fix in the 3 weeks I had and just did a strict diet and exercise so by the time panel came round my bmi was one point below ehat they had previously seen. Sometimes the quick fix is needed to get you through. It is just so competitive now, SW's are looking at the most obscure reasons to choose between adoptors because they have a list of people on their desk who are more than suitable and they need to pick one.

They only really seemed interested in the fact that I was doing something about it and having some slow progress rather than me appearing before them looking all skinny.

My LA wouldn't give any indication of what BMI they would consider ok so at the time it just felt like an endless exercise.

Any progress you can demonstrate will go in your favour.

Best of luck

[PamelaPatricia]

I have been internet-free this weekend so have only just seen all your lovely posts, but I will respond properly tomorrow.

Thank you all for sharing your experience and advice.

[PamelaPatricia]

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply.

Char22thom We have found out where our nearest Slimming World is held and will be signing up this week. It looks far more flexible than when I have done it in the past. I am glad the syns have gone as they messed with my head and I am looking for something that can be sustained in the long term. I will certainly benefit from the accountability of the programme so thank you for the recommendation.

GodMother78 As above, we will be joining Slimming World and hope that we have success. Although you have been told that you can’t go forward yet, have you been given conditions and/or targets for when you would be able to continue? There are both advantages and disadvantages with a set target or conditions but at least you know where you stand. I hope you continue to have success with Slimming World and that you are successful with your application.

Kr1stina Thank you for your understanding. We are happy to lose weight – we want to, for reasons including but not restricted to adoption – but I think when I initially posted I was more fed up that there hadn’t been clarity on what was expected. We felt that the goalposts had been moved and weren’t convinced that they wouldn’t be moved again. We are still frustrated but are trying to be positive and look to move forward.

We haven’t been given a target and there have been mumblings of “wanting to see decreased weight”. We know that we are both overweight and anticipated that this would be a condition. I think we plan to ‘negotiate’ with the LA exactly what they want us to do/achieve and see how they will support us. My concern right now is that losing some weight will be good but not good enough and we may never progress.

My partner and I are forming a plan for weight loss and I will be seeing my GP this week to see what he can suggest and what is available to me (that I might not know). Speaking to our social worker, it sounds like the GP surgery was contacted to assist us with losing weight after approval panel (so, approximately 18 months ago) but nothing has come of this. Hopefully, we can make a plan together and it will be better. I have tried to lose weight but have not lost much at all – and I have a lot to lose. I will take any help I am offered.

I have been looking through the other weight loss threads on here and there is some excellent support and great tips. I think I posted in Adoption because I was frustrated that it has taken 18 months of waiting to be matched since approval for our weight (but mostly mine) to be raised as a significant issue. When I posted I needed to vent a bit. I am still not happy as such but I am more accepting of the situation.

MintyLizzy9 Congratulations on the weight you have lost. We are looking for a long term plan but I think we will look to combine this with a quick fix if we get close to matching panel. I don’t like the gym but have been walking a lot more. We are also looking at doing exercise videos at home – with the curtains shut – to see if that can be a way in. I would feel very self-conscious of my current size and fitness levels to go to the gym or swimming but hopefully that will improve and I can then include them in my routine.

My LA don’t seem keen on a target weight/BMI, which I totally understand, but I do worry that without one it might feel like an endless exercise. We hope to lose weight for matching panel but don’t expect to stop then. We see this as a lifestyle change that will continue for years to come, hopefully with children.

Thank you all for your kind, measured words of support and advice.

[Char22thom]

Glad to hear it is positive and will be keeping everything crossed for you 😊 any way I can help with SW info get in touch 😊 x

[Italiangreyhound]

Good luck.

[GodMother78]

High sorry been off for a while getting head together we have been told that our BMI needs to be under 35 and we can restart in 12 months so all hope is not lost. Also gives us time to sort out the house and garden. Gives us a chance to do all our reading and online training and make sure we have all the background information they need ready

[Italiangreyhound]

GodMother78 that makes a lot of sense and you sound really positive.

If you wish to share ideas and talk about weight loss in relation to adoption, I started this thread three years ago and no one joined me!

You could join me or start your own thread, maybe?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/1828372-B-M-I-Buddy?watched=1

[PamelaPatricia]

Thank you all for all your previous messages. My partner and I have both lost weight since I last posted and hope that we can continue to improve our health and lives as well as convince our LA that we are fit enough to parent. Thank you for giving me a safe place to vent when I needed it.

[Italiangreyhound]

Wow, fabulous news.

[PamelaPatricia]

Thank you Italiangreyhound. I have also spotted your BMI Buddy thread and am trying to be brave enough to join in.

[GodMother78]

Well done Patricia I am trying to get back on track not the easiest thing to do when you have some people around you saying is it really worth it

[PamelaPatricia]

Oh that sucks, GodMother78. It is worth it. It's worth it if it's important to you and it's important for all of the possible benefits it might bring. Thank you for showing me positive support - hopefully I can do the same for you.

[GodMother78]

Thanks PamelaPatricia I am marching forward as it is very important to us to get healthier first and foremost

[PamelaPatricia]

@GodMother78 Just wanted to check how things were going with you. Any progress with the weight loss and/or adoption? Hope things are well.