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excited now matched

(12 Posts)
tybalt22 Sat 28-May-16 16:46:39

So although we have only been approved for 3 months we seem to have been through all sorts already. Last week was a massive emotional rollercoaster as we attended an adoption activity day. We are so lucky to have been matched and it just hasn't settled in yet!
What should we be aiming for now? Should we buy things? What should we be expecting?

RatherBeIndoors Sat 28-May-16 17:27:08

Sounds like an exciting day! Congratulations on being linked to your possible match smile The next step might be a further meeting with you, your SW and the child's SW, or it might be finding a date to take the link forward to matching panel. Once you're through panel you will be really really matched (!) and will start to get an idea of the timescale for introductions etc.

I know you'll be dying to - but try not to buy stuff! De-clutter and do all the unfinished bits round the house, because it could be the last chance to have the time/energy grin

brocolliwobbles Sat 28-May-16 21:53:30

I'm just matched, too.

Rather, I think OP (and I) are matched, as in 99% likely to go through, not just a 'link', of which I've had a few that haven't progressed, if you get me?

Certainly, I am under instruction to shop, and get ready, as there's no way going to be enough time between matching panel and introductions, and they want everything ready to go at matching panel. I have been told it is so unlikely that there would be any hitch now.

Congratulations, OP.

I'm fluctuating between excitement, and anxiety, which I think is normal.

Italiangreyhound Sat 28-May-16 22:47:01

Congratulations. Don't buy anything yet! Except a bottle of bubbily to celebrate if you choose to.

Later, when you speak to and meet foster you will find out what little one will bring with him or her or them! If at all possible try and bring their bed sheets and covers with them, even if it means buying a replacement for the foster family. Don't forget your little one may well have lots of clothes and toys. Some children might come with next to nothing, others with lots! So be prepared for shopping later and you could, if little one is older, 3 plus, choose to buy things with him or her and make choices they like or at least ask foster carers what they are into.

Try not to get too far ahead of yourself, even if it is tempting. And please do be careful how much you share with family or friends. Until it is finalized it is better to keep a lovely private secret.

brocolliwobbles Sat 28-May-16 22:50:05

I've been told it's fine to share, and yes, to get ready.

LO is not going to come with a bed, for instance. Or car seat.

What counts as finalized? If that's matching panel, I've been told intros could be soon after- people need to know, and stuff needs to be ready.

We've been told it's us, and that no one else is in the running- no family, not FC. Just us.

RatherBeIndoors Sat 28-May-16 23:19:02

Dredging my memory, legally I think you are matched once the link has been approved by matching panel and it's been ratified by the agency decision-maker (which I believe has to happen within 20 working days of panel but might be mis-remembering that...). That's the point when you would get your matching cert and be able to provide that to your employer, etc. Introductions can't start until the ratification is done, but some LAs are very speedy on that and it can happen a day or two after panel. So just like the rest of this process it's wait, wait,wait...oh my word GO RIGHT NOW grin It's a scramble to get ready between panel and intros, always - if there is a family member or friend who wouldn't mind taking in deliveries for you, don't forget you can always still be ordering stuff during intros! Somewhere to sleep, and a car seat, and you will work the rest out based on advice from the FC. If they nappy-age, get the FC to tell you the brand and size so you can bulk order straight after panel...

Good luck to both of you, I hope this bit of waiting is the last bit, and doesn't take too long smile

Italiangreyhound Sun 29-May-16 01:08:03

brocolliwobbles "I've been told it's fine to share, and yes, to get ready." That's great. But the OP has only just been linked to this child so in his/her situation I would not be sharing at all.

Re "What counts as finalized? If that's matching panel, I've been told intros could be soon after- people need to know, and stuff needs to be ready."

Yes, matching panel and then been ratified by the agency decision-maker is final, as RatherBeIndoors says.

If people need to know, e.g. work, and you've been told to tell them, then of course go ahead. I just meant until things are really looking final it is not good to say too much, I should add IMHO.

The OP was talking about an activity day last week, so that is not final.

If you know what to buy that is great. It's different for all children. Our son did not come with a bed or car seat either. I'm guessing those are quite standard things to need to buy. But clothes and toys can vary a lot, I think.

Good luck to both of you.

There is a newbies thread if you are interested, at www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/2092272-Newbies-Part-2

LarrytheCucumber Sun 29-May-16 08:59:38

How exciting OP. Have you got a date for the matching panel yet?

tybalt22 Sun 29-May-16 09:39:11

We have our home visit date and panel date too. We are the only people being considered as SW has been searching for a while and believes we are perfect. We've already met as a 'bump into' kind of thing. We already have a car seat for other uses with family and a bed because we had one. We don't know if to start decorating LO room as we know what they like.
We had already told some family about LO as we have been aware of LO and SW of us for nearly a month, so we needed emotional support. It's massively exciting and we are so lucky to be matched so soon after approval. I'm going to read through the newbie thread later. I think mumsnet forums has aided the experience of adoption for me. I'm not a mum or even female but this community has been supportive of each other and a pool of knowledge and experience.

brocolliwobbles Sun 29-May-16 19:57:16

Italian- I'm not actually a newbie, and have posted (under various names) throughout our process.

I'm also a bit disheartened as to why the usual "I'm matched!" threads (despite being pre-panel) are greeted with "OOOH! CONGRATULATIONS!" and a list of things to buy, nice excitement, etc. But this one has been greeted with a sort of "calm down, dear, you're not legally matched."

Odd.

Yes, there's matching panel to come. But I've had a few links that I knew to keep quiet, etc. This is it, according to social workers. So excuse me while I get excited and prepared, as I've been told to.

I see this as '12 week scan' time- yes, there's a risk something will go wrong, but it's not unreasonable to share at this stage.

Congratulations OP. Let's enjoy it! wink wine

MypocketsarelikeNarnia Tue 31-May-16 23:04:30

I know how you feel - I think it's really common to be on no-man's land because once matching panel is over actually introductions happen more or less straight away. And some links aren't competitive - we were the only people they looked at for our baby.

So winecakeflowerschocolatechocolate
<searches for an emoticon for a massive vat of batch cooked bolognese>

RatherBeIndoors Wed 01-Jun-16 14:04:19

I'm sorry if it felt like you needed an umbrella and I accidentally rained on your parade. A secure link is a precious exciting thing, and you're right to cherish it. It is truly lovely news, and I have everything crossed it all goes as smoothly as can be.

I guess I am usually a little wary of leaping in with "congratulations" on any thread, because even non-competitive, un-contested links can be held up or hit snags (bitter experience emoji, anyone?). But I also totally understand that in these circumstances it is nigh on impossible to contain your expectations and hold back, because now it is all getting so very close. Once again, I hope it all goes really well.

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