Adopting as a single parent

[hellowinter]

I have a 2 year old and would dearly love to have another. Conceiving naturally very unlikely considering my age and also fact I am single of course. Recently (ish) split from dc's father. I realise adopting would be a huge step, wondered if anyone please had views/experience they could share? Any positive experiences or am I letting myself in for a very hard time?
Also I am not in financial/practical position yet to do so but hoping to work towards this and start making the steps towards. Thanks in advance for any advice!

[IamnotaspoonIamafork]

I think perhaps others haven't responded to your query yet, because there are quite a number of similar threads on the board about single adoption.

Some things apply to single and couples adoption: you need to have a good sized age gap between your birth children and any subsequently adopted children (at least three years, ideally more); you need to be sure you could financially cope with 12 months of adoption leave, and potentially a reduced working capacity beyond that if the child needed you to be with them more; it's a good idea to do some reading or research around attachment, neglect and early trauma.

As a single adopter, when and if you apply to adopt, you will be grilled on having a robust support network of friends and/or family. You will need one!

Having said that, I would overwhelmingly say my experience has been positive, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

[Kewcumber]

I adopted a while ago and so my early experiences aren't very current.

If your split is very recent then I would concentrate on dealing with that and helping your child dealing with that before you even consider laying the ground for adoption.

Most adopted children come with inbuilt insecurity and uncertainty - the whole process feels very out of your control for a lot of the time. I know you said you weren't planning it imminently but I wouldn't plan it until the whole being alone and a single parent is much more the norm for you.

And if you still decide you want to do it then yes you will need sufficient financial stability to take a long while of work (if you are working) and a good support network.

There are various threads on single adopters if you use the search function ("advanced search" top right), and put single into the word search and search only the adoption section.

[Bigfishlittlefishsoggybox]

I could have posted that OP a few years ago. I'm now in stage 2 of assessment.

My advice is harsh- forget about adoption just now. Concentrate on getting your life for you and BC sorted, financially stable. Remember that they will probably wish to speak to BC's dad, so ensure you keep good relations there, if possible. But you won't be able to adopt for a while, as social workers like stability, security, strong support networks, etc. If it's a recent split from your partner, you need to allow time for this to heal. You need to show you can co-parent effectively, and have a good relationship with someone who also has PR for your child (for a while, you share PR of your adopted child with the LA, so demonstrating that you're an old hand at sharing PR makes social workers happy).

So, my advice is go away, get on with life, and come back in a few years, if you still want to adopt then. Sorry if that's harsh, that is just my opinion, but I wouldn't be surprised if LAs or VAs say the same to you.

[BigBlueBookcase]

I'm similar to you in that I'm single with a 2 year old birth child. I spent a long time thinking about and looking into adoption and I've decided that it's not right for us for now. But just wanted to say, my LA would have started the assessment process when my birth son was 2.5 yrs old, but the couple of agencies I spoke to on the phone said my son would have to be 5 before they would assess me. Also, they all said that any child placed would need to be at least 2 years younger than my son, and with so few very young babies (or competition being great for very young babies) the process from start to being matched with a baby would take a while... So you have some thinking time yet. :)

On a side note, my birth son is the result of IVF using donor sperm. So that's another way for a single mum to grow her family that you may not have considered...? :)