NC for this because it may not come to anything...
I am in my 40s, married, with 2 bc (11 and mid teens) and thought my family was complete. But I keep getting this niggling feeling that I want to look into the possibility of adoption. For the past few months I've been lurking here with some regularity.
I have raised it in passing with my DH in a "I can't stop thinking about it" kind of way, expecting him to dismiss the idea out of hand. But he didn't. In fact he asked some really hard but sensible questions about all kinds of things - impact on our bc, whether we want to 'start again' with the really hard work of parenting a younger child (not baby) who would have additional needs, whether I had thought about fostering (we have a couple of friends who are foster carers.)
Am I mad to consider it?
On the plus side: we are pretty solid as a family, bc are healthy, resilient, pretty adaptable. I am a qualified teacher (primary) and have worked with children with additional needs including LAC and newly adopted children and have done training on attachment disorder (2 full days by excellent outside agency.) DH works with teenagers requiring additional educational support for a range of reasons. I don't think we've done a bad job with the bc, who are happy, quirky and settled with friends and at school.
On the negative side: we're in our mid 40s. DH is basically fit and well with a couple of minor issues. I'd need to lose a hell of a lot of weight, and have had anxiety and stress in the recent past (solved by leaving an awful job after several years, and going part time in a much happier environment). I also have a couple of health issues that are ongoing but not major as far as we know, although I am waiting for a hospital referral. Another negative: our bc are academically able (and I have an Oxbridge degree) and I wonder whether it would be assumed that we would have unrealistic expectations of a child coming into our family by adoption?
One of my DPs was adopted at birth in the 1940s and made contact with their birth family when in their 50s. That relationship is very positive and my DP maintains contact with their birth siblings and they have been very welcoming - amazing considering they had no idea they had an older sibling. I know it's very far from the circumstances of most adoptions now, but it has helped me to understand a little bit the value and significance of links with the birth family.
So I don't know what I'm asking really.
Does anything rule us out totally?
Should I stop watching tv shows and reading books about adoption?
Is it just my age? Might it just be because my bc are getting older and I unconsciously want (selfishly) to fill my nest again?
Should I lose some weight, get my diagnosis, and then see how I feel?
I am confused.
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7 replies
lunarfalls · 17/07/2014 11:52
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