Adoption Criteria Question

(7 Posts)
floweryblinds Tue 13-May-14 12:39:47

Hello, wondered if I could ask a question from those who are more knowledgeable about the adoption process than me? Adoption is something we are considering but we are only at the very beginning stages of thinking about it and haven't done anything official about it as yet. I am reading up on things and trying to understand as much as I can about the process.

Brief background- DP is 40, I am 32 and we have a 6yo DD. It would be risky for me to have any more children naturally due to a condition that is only pregnancy related.

From what I can tell, we fit most of the initial criteria for adoption. I could do with losing a bit of weight but would like to do that anyway. I have PCOS too which in my case means weight is easy to put on but hard to lose!

One thing that sprang to mind while reading the criteria is what happens if something changes after adoption is final? For example, we have a spare room which I gather is a necessity. However what if, after adoption, DD and the future DC decided they would love to share a room? My siblings and i went through a stage of wanting to share and loved it. Is this a big no no? What if I put on weight and struggled to lose it? I don't plan to and would try hard not to, but is this monitored?

I know this is a small thing and probably silly questions but want to understand the whole process?

MrsM2509 Tue 13-May-14 12:51:24

I'm not sure about the room situation but I can give feedback on weight. My bmi at the start of adoption assessment was 43. When I went for medical I know it would get brought up so I mentioned if first, said I was well aware of high bmi and that I had joined ww the previous night to try and lose some weight. Two weeks after the medical, I got a letter from my la saying they'd received medical and from what they could gather I was extremely overweight etc etc. I was able to go back and say yes your right, however since then I have already lost (say 7lbs for example) so it felt quite good to be able to say that, and they were pleased as id started to make an effort without them having to tell me to. I'm up at panel I'm July, and although I've still a lot more to lose, and probably won't have lost what is like to by then, our sw says we basically just need to show them were aware of a healthy lifestyle and can stick to it.

Hope this helps

Lilka Tue 13-May-14 13:06:41

Hi and welcome smile

If your adoption is final, and you are now legally the parent, you can do whatever you like about bedrooms, so if you had two children wanting to share and you thought it would work out, then there isn't an issue. Once an adoption is final, there is no difference in your rights and legal status to any other parent. The rules that apply before are set down to safeguard and try and work in the best interests of all waiting children, but some children may be able to share a room with a BC for a while after they've really got to know and bond with each other, and you as the parent can judge whether that'll work for your kids or not.

Devora Tue 13-May-14 13:09:00

OP, once the adoption is final you are fully the parent and free to make all the kinds of decisions that a birth parent could make. I think it is very high risk to adopt without a dedicated room for the new child, but of course if the children decide they want to share there is no problem with that. Ditto weight: if your BMI is very high they will want to see you tackling that, but once the adoption is final there is no-one breathing down your neck, you are the parent and you get on with it.

Lilka Tue 13-May-14 13:11:59

But yes you're right, a spare room is pretty much a necessity to adopt, and your adopted child will need their own bedroom when they move in, for very good reasons. Maybe they will always need their own room, or maybe not, but as I said, that's up to you once you're the legal parent

floweryblinds Tue 13-May-14 13:33:01

Thanks all- that's the info I was looking for. I wasn't sure if/ how you were monitored after adoption. I totally agree that a spare room is vital to start with, and was thinking about the future and possible scenarios that might crop up.

Its a scary, exciting prospect to be considering...

blossom101001 Sun 18-May-14 14:44:17

I also have PCOS and find it difficult to lose weight. I started the process in August 2013 with a BMI of 43, I then had my medical at 42, and was just approved at 41. My BMI and health came up during approval panel but was able to show I had lost weight through diet and exercise. I will again show my weight loss when I go to matching. But I was approved because I was showing that I was working on it. Good Luck through your process!

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