As my username suggests, I've started to think seriously about adoption.
I've just turned 30, single and have no children. Maybe I've seen my birthday as time running out, I'm not sure. But I've also always had the dilemma of really wanting children but not wanting to be pregnant or give birth. I'm also very happy being single and don't especially want a partner. So adoption seems like the ideal solution.
I have niggling doubts that I'm not suitable though. Could anybody give me advice on the following questions?
- I don't own my own home. I'm currently renting a 3 bed but that is supposed to be temporary until I am found something smaller. I could be moved out of it at very short notice.
- As I'm single I would obviously need to go back to work full time after adoption leave so I don't want a baby. I teach in a private school with wraparound care. Would it be considered inappropriate to send adoptive children to private school, even though it would be because I work there? The school is not selective and has many children with learning difficulties but there is a limit to the severity of additional needs that the school can cater for.
- I would prefer to adopt a sibling group of 2-3 rather than one child but I'm afraid of trauma bonds. Are these very common?
- Due to being single and needing to work full time I don't feel I could cope with really significant disabilities/additional needs (obviously I wouldn't be expecting 'issue free' children). Is it ok to say that or does it rule you out?
- I have had fairly minor mental health problems in the past. Would that preclude me from adopting?
- (and this is my biggest worry) ... I have read that 1 in 5 adoptions break down?? Is that true? That statistic terrifies me. I don't want a 20% chance of damaging an already damaged child even further.
- How do you know when you're ready? Most of my friends are still either childless, pregnant or have under 2s so I wonder if I would be better to wait 3-5 years and see if I still feel the same way. But I don't want it to then take another 5 years to be matched with a child so maybe I should start now in order to complete the process by my mid thirties?
- I would prefer 2 girls or a mixed group rather than 2 boys but I'm worried my reasons for this are pretty shallow. I have a sister who is my best friend, my Dad died years ago and all my biological relatives are female. I have what are seen as traditionally 'girly' hobbies and interests and would just feel very unconfident about parenting 2 boys. Is that really bad and likely to get me rejected?
Sorry for the epic post and thank you in advance for any help or advice anybody can give.