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Any adopters out there for are church goers?

(15 Posts)

Can I ask if you took your new little one to church and if so how long after they came to stay with you, and how they handled it, please?

sorry that should say ....Any adopters out there who are church goers? But it would go the same for any religion - in this context - synagogue etc etc.

GirlsWhoWearGlasses Wed 19-Feb-14 07:34:38

We took DD this Sunday. She loved it, but she's a real people watcher. She stayed on our collective knee for the hour and happily looked around. We had sat on the end of a row in case we had to make a quick exit.

Only thing that you'll need to think through is how to deal with the many well wishers. We just kept her very close to us and only stayed for five minutes after the service.

Our church is quite laid back and child friendly though, so we weren't worried about whether she'd make noise, just about whether she would be unsettled.

KristinaM Wed 19-Feb-14 08:50:16

If you are worried about her being overwhelmed,you could arrive 5 mins late, slip in the back row and leave 5 mins early

People will understand.i notice that families who have recently been bereaved often do this, they just can't cope with speaking to everyone but they want to be part of the community

Well, thank you kindly * GirlsWhoWearGlasses* and Kristina.

Actually, GirlsWhoWearGlasses and Kristina, we have an interesting situation. Our church has very few children, think count on one hand! And none the pre-school age of the child we are likely to adopt.

We feel it may be time to change for the sake of the children. I guess for our current church we can make an announcement that basically says please leave us alone! I feel it will be overwhelming for little one to be introduced to lots of adults. If we do go to a new church they will know our child has joined us by adoption as many people already know us. Maybe there I will have less chance to say 'leave us alone' but it will be less likely to happen.

I am wanting to strike the right balance between child not being welcome (or not feeling welcome) and feeling overwhelmed!

but it will be less likely to happen that we will need to say leave us alone.

drspouse Thu 20-Feb-14 12:22:24

We are doing OK with our current church but we may move to a different one after a second adoption for a slightly complicated reason (that may not even happen).

We had a lot of people wonder aloud (when we turned up with a small baby) why they hadn't noticed I was pregnant. I took great pleasure in saying "ah well, not everything is as it seems" or similar! I did wonder whether they'd been inspecting my waistline for years and years!

Hels20 Thu 20-Feb-14 13:20:34

Not really sure whether my answer will help as I have always been quite anti-social at church - in as much, as, when I go, I may say "hello" to a handful of people but otherwise, we keep ourselves to ourselves. We did tell our priest, though, that we are adopting and he was keen to meet our DS.

We took our son to church for the first time after 2 months. The second time we took him, he didn't want to go in, so we had to cajole him a bit- but the service is short - only 40 mins or so. I am certainly not intending for him to join the other children at the children's service for a good six months.

We don't take him every week - maybe once every other week, but then, we don't go every week (although we went more before we had him - think about 3 in 4 Sundays).

So for us, the answer to your question is after 2 months, only the priest came over and said "hello" (but this was also because we went to a different time service) and he is not really a happy "churchgoer"...

Thanks so much, our whole church (very small) knows we are adopting and no one will think our new child is our bio child so it is all open but I am just worried the child will be overwhelmed by people wanting to say hi!

TTmum Tue 25-Feb-14 07:58:04

Hi - we adopted 3 kids about 4 years ago - they were 4,6 and 8 I don't know how old your DC is.
Firstly we prayed that their hearts would be prepared to come to a slightly (!!) odd family with all our quirks - including church!
Before we started introductions we had a 'spot' at the front of our church, introducing the children (via photos) to the congregation. We then issued a plea that we didn't want to overwhelm the children so please do not approach us when we turned up with them. Most people were great with this - in fact some were TOO great, there were a few who approached us months after the children joined us and asked - quite timidly - if they could chat! - we hadn't taken note of whom we'd introduced the kids to!!!
We then took the kids to the church with no-one in it (we happened to have keys) and showed them the building, the pews, where they'd go for Sunday School etc etc.
We then planned not to go for a few weeks/months after the children came to live with us. However they thwarted that by saying on the first Sunday;
"I thought you were Christians",
"We are" I replied.....
"I thought Christians went to church on Sunday"...
"errr - we thought you'd like to leave it for a bit and we'll go in a few weeks"
"Nope we want to go now"
So off we went....
I think on the first week we sat near the back, but from then on the kids have wanted/insisted we sit at the front..... And I mean the very front pew - this is because they can see what's going on.
Obviously every child is different, particularly with adopted kids. Prayers going up for you and your little one. x

KristinaM Tue 25-Feb-14 14:53:43

What a lovely post, TT mum. It's great that your kids just want to try everything . I hope they find a lot of fun and love at your church

TTmum wow that is so helpful, thank you. I had not even considered going to the church building when no one was there!

We are really in transition, we have been going for years to a small church with few people in it. It was quite lively when we joined years ago but has shrunk and we stayed because we loved the people and they loved us. But there are so few kids and all around dd's age (9) and no preschoolers for our new little one to meet/play with

Chocomint Sat 01-Mar-14 10:58:28

I've been wanting to go back to church for quite some time, even since we moved to a new area 4 years ago, but never quite got there. Went just a few times, mainly at Christmas. However, when our DD arrived, aged 5, I planted the idea of church at first and she was quite interested. But we first went once she'd turned 6 and went to a couple of Christmas services - Christingle and Crib Service. She loved it and wanted to go again. So we've been to family service which she enjoys. I don't know any of the other parishioners and they won't know DD is adopted. Our vicar is very pro-children so once I get to know her more I may tell her more about our background.

Good luck Chocomint.

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