ChoudeBruxelles great name, what does it mean?
We are approved and not yet matched. Our DD (aged 9), 7 when we started this process, is desperate for a sibling and has been for a long time. She is totally on board with us adopting.
I would ask a few questions of you before replying.... why do you want to adopt? Is it the only way you could have another child? How does your son feel about a sibling?
You don't need to reply to me, I am just asking because it is good for you to think about these things in relation to your own situation.
Some people want another child and choose adoption as opposed to a birth child because they feel there is a good reason for it, others because it is the only option etc.
So I would say if you had another child in any way there is a sense your DS would have to come to terms with not being the only one and having to share your time and affection etc. Although some families have children closer to gether so there is not such a big age gap there are plenty of birth families out there where the gap between kids is 7 years or even more. So I guess I am saying in any situation where a child gets a sibling there is some adjusting to do.
Now, for adoption there are additional things to think about, uncertainties with the child you adopt etc, which I am sure you have heard about and read about.
Are there other things you have that are worrying you, you mention 'the adoption process detracting from him' - I think, if our situation is anything to go by, the process is quite straight forward and to a large part does not involve the birth child. We had to attend a prep group at the start and a parenting course at the end, which involved getting some child care/babysitting for our DD, and there was a meeting between social worker and our DD on a couple of occasions. Our lovely social worker brought pictures for her to colour and plants and seeds for the garden. Our DD did not feel stressed at all (as far as I know) and seemed OK with the process. The rest of the process, the meeting with social worker in your home, the checking of your home to see it is OK for kids (yes, werd when one already had a kid!), the medical, Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS) checks (previously CRB checks) and the references all do not affect the child already in the family, IMHO. Also the most stressful part for me was the process of attending exchange/matching events, looking at the CPR (child's Permanence Reports) of a child you may adopt and making choices. I personally feel this is the job of the parents and you need to make a choice on behalf of the whole family, so your son will not be put under any pressure here to choose a sibling if you and your DH/DP make the choice.
Finally, the biggest part the child will join your family and you will need to make the new child a priority for a time as you help them adjust to their new life and as you all adjust to them (the bit we have not yet got to so someone else will need to advise on that!). However, I would say, that if handled sensitively this could be a great time of growth and development for your son as he adjusts to this new part of life. He will be older by the time it happens and may well find this a challenge and also of use.
For example I am already getting my daughter to do more helping around the house in preparation of our new arrival (I am not telling her that is why) and am tackling certain habits she has which may not be helpful (like bad table manners which she will pass on to the new child if we don't sort them out!).
I have also promised her the grown up time once new child is in bed, when she will go to bed later and have time with us, etc. She is very excited by this.
All best wishes with whatever you decide to do.