Will I be able to adopt.

[ParenthoodJourney]

Hi all just looking for a bit of info from people with experience of adoption as I am finding little online.

I have a 4 year old DS and I've loved every minute of parenting - it hasn't been easy with DS we've had health problems and so on which have made parenting an emotional journey. But it's all so worth it. I still feel the overwhelming love feeling every day as I did the first time I held him. I've yearned for another child for quite a while now but after my third miscarriage earlier this year we haven't conceived since and I've battled with so many emotions. And now I am unsure if I can go through a potential baby loss again or the constant devastating monthly cycle.

I've been thinking on and off of adoption. My biggest concern is my partner. We are such a loving family and we are very content and happy and another child would be a blessing to our family and a blessing to the child. However, 7 years ago when me and my partner had not long been together he was sent to prison due to a fight when he was in his early 20's and been drinking with the lads. (No excuse, obviously) But prison and support really worked through that difficult time and he's grown to be a fantastic father and successful in business and I am very proud of him all round.

So my question is - would we be eligible for adoption due to his record?
It would be a real shame if a mistake from the past meant that we couldn't grow our family.

Also - does it make a difference if we are not married.


What are the processes of adoption you have to go through so I can prepare myself if we do decide to go ahead.

Thank you.


X

[Pancakeflipper]

It is not a definite ruling you out.
But to be very honest, he will be questioned on it a lot and it's not going to be a great asset for your case to adopt.
Though they should and will take the circumstances and how long ago it occured into consideration.

[Meita]

Hi, welcome. Sorry to hear about your miscarriages.
This is a good place to get your questions answered and get a general idea of what you are letting yourself in for!

If you go to the First4Adoption website, you will find the general guidelines on who can or can't adopt. It says, for instance

"CRIMINAL RECORD

If you or a member or your household have a criminal conviction or caution for offences against children or for serious sexual offences you will not be able to adopt. Other criminal offences will not automatically exclude you but will be taken into consideration during the assessment process, so please be open with your adoption agency from the start."

Being unmarried should not be a problem at all.

When we had a general worry about something (completely different) that we thought might make it hard, if not impossible, for us to adopt, I found talking to the advice line at First4Adoption very helpful. They were able to tell us that whereas some adoption agencies might make an issue out of it, really it shouldn't stop us. It gave me confidence to talk to several agencies and not be disheartened when the first couple of them said no to us right away. In the end we had 3 agencies willing to take us on, and more who would have considered us if we had taken it further with them.

Regarding the process, again First4Adoption explains much of it. It might be useful to know that the process has changed recently (July 2013) and many agencies are still updating their information pages/leaflets, so you might get conflicting information. What it says on First4Adoption is how things OUGHT to be done nowadays.

Btw many agencies will require a significant amount of time to have passed since your last MC or attempt at IVF, it can be 6 months or even a year. Some may require you to have had counselling too.

Good luck with your inquiries!

[ParenthoodJourney]

Thank you for your replies.

Meita that is very helpful thank you very much.

It has been 6 months and would definitely of been a year gone before we started the process.

I think counselling is a good idea also and I can understand why they may require you to of had that and I should have some.

I really hope the past doesn't hold us back as a family! But at the same time I can completely understand why it could.

Thank you for your help

Xx

[Moomoomie]

Sorry to hear of your miscarriages.
All you can be with the social workers is upfront and honest.
As people have said, it is not a definite no, but you will be asked lots of questions, especially about your partners drinking and emotional state. They may well try and make him out to be violent, to try his patience.
As an adoptive parent you will need patience and u derstanding by the bucketload so they will want to see that you both have that.
Good luck and continue to post and ask questions.

[Italiangreyhound]

ParenthoodJourney nothing to add but want to wish you well on your journey. Read as much as you can about the sort of children who are 'in the system' and I would definitely explore counselling to come to terms with the fact you will not be haaing another birth child.