DS announced yesterday that he wants to send a fathers day card to his "first dad". Yikes!
Why are you NEVER prepared for this kind of thing despite knowing it's going to happen?
Setting aside my personal feelings of total guilt that I adopted him as a single adopter and deprived him of a father [angsty angst emoticon]...
BM gave a false name and address and didn't name BF on birth cert so we really have no realistic expectation of knowing who either of his birth parents are or even if his BF knew about him.
So I said (excuse incoherent brain dump):
- yes of course you can make your father day card for him - but we don't know where he is and that makes it a bit tricky to send him anything. It was apparent to me that he really does want to post it. SO I have suggested that we can post it to the address we have although I have stressed that we are sure the address is false and we will never know if it reaches anyone.
- I have asked if he would prefer to send a card to my father who is a bit of a useless git but would probably rally himself to reply to a fathers day card which may give DS some satisfaction as he hasn't yet met him.
- I said that just because they haven't brought him up doesn't make his birth family not family (IYSWIM), he said "yes but they're not your family. So I said (which is true) - yes technically thats true but they feel like my family - a bit like marriage makes you a part of a different family I feel like adopting him made me a part of DS's first family.
I wondered if it was the need to make a card for "Dad" in school rather than Uncle which is what he has done in the past but I think perhaps not as when I asked he said he would make a card for his first Dad at home and one for my Dad in school.
I explained to him why it was possible his father didn't know about him because of the being pregnant fr 9 months thing (or 6 months in his case!) which of course lead on to exactly how do fathers get their "eggs" into the mother to make a baby!
My head hurts
Any considered advice?