Newbies

(880 Posts)

Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

I love 'How to Talk to Kids So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk'. wink

MaryQueenOfSpots Mon 13-May-13 10:37:53

Hi everyone - hope it's ok to come and talk? I have just phoned our local authority agency to enquire about adoption and they are going to come and see me and DH in just over a fortnight for an initial visit. They also said there are other providers like Cabrini and Action For Children. Does anyone know if there are any pros and cons of being involved with more than one agency? Apart from lots of forms and visits I guess? Is the pre and post adoption support any better/worse with non-local authority adoption agencies? Are the needs of the children different if they are in an independent agency? Hope someone knows smile. We already have a DS who is nearly 5 (not adopted) and my ideal would be to adopt another little boy aged 2-3 years.

Hi MaryQueenofScots welcome. I think you might be better posting your question as a thread. That way people will get back to you, and probably the people who know more will not be looking in the newbie's thread.

I am not sure you can go with more than one agency at the same time, although once approved you can adopt from different places I think, someone knowlegable should be around to say.

Also I think the local authority has all the children so easier to place children will be with them, harder to place children will be through the various agencies, but check with someone else!

MaryQueenOfSpots Tue 14-May-13 14:52:10

Thanks Italiangreyhound for answering.

I have had a lurk on the Adoption UK message boards and found out a bit more about other people's experience of adopting with birth children, which was a useful reality check. I'm still not totally put off, despite some very heart wrenching stories. I'm going to talk to the Adoption people when they visit and mull it over, then post a thread if I need to gain more advice...

buzzybee123 Wed 15-May-13 17:19:09

hello all we are new to the whole adoption process, we spoke to a friend who adopted in January and now feel we are ready to start the process, I have a list of local authorities in our area, I think this where I start smile

I am kind of excited and scared all at the same time, my main concern right now is that my husband might be moving away for work and I am not sure whether it would be best to wait, could be a few months or start now depending on where we end up. I feel I am ready to get on with now

maryqueen I will be interested to hear what they suggest to you, right now I feel a 'bit at sea'

MaryQueenOfSpots Wed 15-May-13 18:24:39

Hi buzzybee are you looking to start your family, or extend it?

Would you be moving far away as some local authorities work together as a confederation - at least that is the situation where we are.

I completely get the excited/scared feeling too!

SunshineLover Tue 28-May-13 14:32:43

Hi all - we're at the very start of the process, making phone calls and trying to decide which agency would be best to go with. It's so confusing and it's really been helping to read some of your experiences! I'm really scared that having spent all this time deciding to do it that they will tell us we aren't suitable! sad

The beginning is an exciting time, good luck SunshineLover and buzzybee.

Can I ask buzzybee whether your hubby working away might mean you need to go to a different county council or agency, or might mean you are living apart for a while? Have you already been to an open evening/open day? I think that would be a good idea first.

buzzybee123 Fri 31-May-13 17:13:07

hi ladies sorry I have been abit AWOL, think I'm going through another miscarriage

we would be starting a family, we are in Surrey right now and would be moving to Shropshire, I haven't called any agencies yet, I wasn't sure if we should wait until we were in the same place or not, its hard to know

Lilka Fri 31-May-13 17:57:47

I'm so sorry buzzybee

I think waiting a few months so that you and your DH are in the same place might be ideal. You have the moving home stress behind you before you start adoption, and adoption is stressful enough without added bits like that on top. It should make the process simpler, as homestudy includes bits about your area, your local amenities and what you have to offer, as well as a bit about your home. If you move at any point, you would have to redo bits of the homestudy, which would be such a pain.

Also, you will put time between your miscarriage and TTC, and adoption. If you wait 6 months (for lots of LA'a) you should be able to able to begin adoption straight away after you contact the agency, rather than being asked to wait a few more months.

Best of luck to you both x

Buzybee so sorry to hear about your miscariage.

I totally agree with Lilka (I usually do!).

I also think you need to work out if you are ready for adoption yet or if you want to explore trying to conceive yourself again first. If you have had two or three missacarriages you can go to the doctor to find out why this is happening/has happened. I just thin kyou need to be redy to adopt and if you are still trying to have a baby by pregnancy then you might find the journey very hard. I started down the adoption route three years ago and wasn't ready. so went to have more fertility treatment, it failed. I wish I had been ready then but I wasn't. So although the treatment failed, I was glad we did not proceed then.

Please feel free to PM me.

I don't want to be negative and I am sure you have a lot to offer as a mum to an adoptive child/children. Please do stay in touch. I have found Mumsnet adoption threads very helpful.

allthingswillpass Sat 01-Jun-13 11:10:38

Hi folks
I've been reading these boards for a little while but I think this is only my second post. I hope you don't mind me joining in.
Buzybee, We are a bit further on in the adoption process and have had the miscarriages and IVF Chapters of our lives. Sorry for your loss. X
Just to give you our experience, the LA insisted that we had counselling to grieve the birth children we will never have to basically try and avoid secondary trauma when a child is placed with you.
In addition, IME they really like you to have been in your home for at least a year and to have a good support network whether that be friends and or family.
Our LA have been pretty awful and most people around our area have gone to an LA's outside the area with greater success.
We have been in the process for 30 months and are now linked to a 2 yr old blue munchkin. We are old grin but young at heart xxx wink

allthingswillpass, how lovely to hear from you, of course you can join. Welcome all young and old. I bet I am older than you!

I'm 48!!!!!

allthingswillpass Sun 02-Jun-13 11:09:32

Italaingreyhound LOL!
I'm afraid you are older than me but IMO age is but a state of mind!
Anyway - your London night out looked to be a rip roaring success. I would have loved to have come seeing as we are within the M25.
Maybe next time! wine

Lilka Sun 02-Jun-13 13:34:18

Ooh, Italian and I are the same age! grin

Maybe we can all get together another time.

allthingswillpass Sun 02-Jun-13 20:04:08

Absolutely!
That would be great but imagining I might never get out again once LO is here!
3 wks to MP!
Terrified and excited all at once!

allthingswillpass how is it going?

allthingswillpass Mon 10-Jun-13 22:17:00

Italiangreyhound I've pm'd you xxx

Hi, how is everyone doing?

Hi everyone hope its ok to join?
Me and dh are at the very very early stages of adoption. So far we have only looked at la's! We are hopefully going to get information n the next few weeks.
I am infertile (unexplained) we had 3rounds of clomid, had always agreed not to go for ivf. Have been ttc for 4years but had my last fertility treatment in January. Dh is. 36 and I'm 30.
We're probably going to start "properly" in September /October.

Welcome inthebeginning and all best wishes for adoption.

mrsballack Fri 28-Jun-13 00:31:29

Hi guys. Just a quick update. We had our prep group in may which was very hard going but very worthwhile. Gave us loads to think/talk about. We have our first meeting of our home study with our social worker on Monday so I'm in full cleaning mode. Terrifying.

Welc

mrsballack Fri 28-Jun-13 00:32:43

That was welcome to inthebeginning btw. My stupid fat fingers posted before I was finished again.

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