adoptive neice is a monster

[picklesandcheese]

Im i wrong to want to send my neice back she driving us mad. My SIL (hubbys sister ) adopted ten yrs ago and it's hell every time we get together or even if she visit's she is abusive and agressive. She is overweight and i don't agree with the strict diet she's on. My two kiddies one with aspies always bear the brunt of her agression. My SIL just sit's back and drink's and her dad walk's off. We had no idea of the adoption till the day before a private family doo and in she came swearing and shoving and eating non stop. My eldest also 3yr old was so confused and im angry at this. We still don't support the adoption even though we love her as a family member. Reason for this both parent's love their free time work long hour's and have no skills in dealing with a unstable emotional 9yr old. My SIL as been arrested for drink drive last year and her marrige nearly collapsed. She is heavy drinker on antidepressant's and i feel the demand of the neice is core issue

Advice welcomed

[Svrider]

Ooh my very first

[noir]

What a vile way to talk about a child, a child who has no doubt experienced a life of trauma and neglect. Your SIL needs your support, not poorly written internet criticism.

[Valpollicella]

Well you can't send her back. you can't and they can't. So how about maybe helping your sis with some strategies and involving support agencies?

[D0oinMeCleanin]

They adopted a 9yo, 10 years ago? How does that work then?

[iwantavuvezela]

(biscuit)

[ReneeVivien]

Jeez, where to start?

OK, well first off: calling an unstable emotional 9 year old a 'monster' isn't helping anyone, is it?

Second: you seem to be blaming all your SIL's problems on her dd. Maybe you're right, and this child's problems are extreme. Has your SIL told you this is the case? If so, are you or anyone else helping her? Is she getting support? Is the child getting therapeutic help?

Third: you obviously need to protect your children from aggression. What is your strategy for doing this?

Last: you say you love this child but it sure doesn't sound like it. What do you mean when you say you don't support the adoption? Do you mean, you don't think the adoption was a good idea? Or do you mean, you're all still sitting back with pursed lips telling each other that this child shouldn't be in your family? Because it's a bit late for that now, isn't it? She IS your family. How would you feel if your SIL objected to YOUR children being in the family? Like it or not, you are this child's aunt: how do you feel she can be helped?

[happypotter]

I totally agree with noir

'to send my niece back' ?? Do you realise how offensive your post is?

That poor child.

[Valpollicella]

Fabulous post Renee

[Valpollicella]

Dooin bring up a valid point - OP could you adress that?

[DioneTheDiabolist]

The first you knew of her was 10 years ago. She is 9. Is it possible she's not adopted?

[Moodykat]

Adopted a 3 year old, 10 years ago, that is now 9?

[NannyPlumIsMyMum]

I am sooo confused. She was adopted ten years ago and is nine ?

[picklesandcheese]

How can you support someone who won't accept they are struggling and no im not vile im honest my kiddies don't behave that way so why should she. Despite the objection's we support and love her but dislike her behaviour when your only trying to help. Noir can i ask have adopted or fostered or even had experience with children who have been in the care system. Unfortunatley they carry their past and all the problem's it bring's.

[Valpollicella]

No, OP's child is 3.

Her sis adopted 10 years ago - a nine year old...

[Moodykat]

Did I miss understand the "my eldest also 3yr old"?

[lisad123]

if they have had her that long,k its nothing to do with the fact she's adopted, its to do with how naff your SIL and BIL are at parenting her.

and "We had no idea of the adoption till the day before a private family doo and in she came swearing and shoving and eating non stop" WOW thats amazing for a new born child!!

[CharlieMumma]

You can't send her back - for one she's. It yours and secondly Shes not a puppy from the pet shop! Jesus Shed a young child with issues and with what sounds like two parents that have some problems! Why would you talk about sending her back - back where exactly!

[Valpollicella]

No one has sai you are vile OP. They have said the way you have spoken about your DN is vile.

Which given your garbled post is quite true

[CharlieMumma]

Shes not urs that should read.

[Valpollicella]

TBH Moody, I'm not sure the op is to be taken factually....

[D0oinMeCleanin]

You shouldn't return puppies either, CharlieMumma. Just saying

[Moodykat]

Ah, is it one of those?