DP has been asked to provide a reference for his ex who is looking to adopt...

[SixStringWidow]

...and he's asked for my help.

DP's ex contacted him out of the blue today, they have been separated for approx 10 years. She has asked for his address so that she can put him forward as a referee (not sure if that is the best terminology) in order to start the adoption process.

Obviously he's going to do the best he can for her and as DP isn't that great with words/letters he's asked for my help.

I know the main thing is just to be honest, but can anyone tell me what kind of things the adoption agency (again, terminology) may be looking for?

Thanks in advance :)

[OhDoAdmit]

Are you sure its a reference?
Agencies will contact former partners as a matter of course to make checks on prospective adopters. They want to make sure there were no issues around domestic violence, step children etc.
It is possible that she has put him down as a referee but they are usually people who know the adopter well and see them frequently.
Its fine for your DP to contact the agency and ask them what they want to know.

[SixStringWidow]

She said in her email that the agency had asked for details of significant others, and she suspects that he will be contacted about her...

I assume then, from what you've said that the agency will then contact DP to make the checks you mentioned above.

I suppose all we should really do at this stage is give his ex our address and wait for a letter...

Thanks

[OhDoAdmit]

I think that is probably the most likely thing to happen.

This comes up often on adoption forums. People get pretty anxious about their exs being contacted.
As my Dp was my only proper relationship it wasnt an issue with us. i wasnt about to give them a list of my odd teenage boyfriends

The agency may want to come and talk to your DP face to face.

[Kewcumber]

it doesn;t sound like he's being contacted as a referree biut a previous partner which is standard practice. They will just want ot know of any behaviour that would be a worry when placing a child with her. Domestic violence, that kind of thing. It was brought in some years ago after afather (adoptive) murdered his son and it came to light that his ex-wife had complained of domestic violence and would have told social services if they had contacted her.

So yes just wait for the call/letter and answer their questions honestly.

[SixStringWidow]

Thanks for the further comments.

With our address, DP has sent a very supportive message to his ex, telling her that he will do everything he can to help as he believes that she is a lovely soul and will make a great mother.

DP will be honest when/if any letter does arrive, he has nothing but nice things to say about her - they parted very amicably, the relationship just phased out really...

I agree that it would be awful for a vindictive ex to mess up the chance of happiness.

[TipOfTheSlung]

SO nice to hear of exs willing to help each other out for once

[Tinkerisdead]

What a nice dp you have! I'm a referee for some friends and i had some very in depth personal questions to answer. What i thought of each of the couple, how they handle problems in life, would they keep a child safe, why do they want to adopt, what help would they seek if they needed it etc. You'd need to know the person well to answer most of it. The social worker also visited to ask me questions about my friends. It does sound like he's being checked as an ex as 10 years apart, you'd struggle to answer the questions.

[sabroad]

Thought i would post on here as this thread came up when i googled for 'ex partner reference'. My ex and her new husband are looking to adopt and i was asked to give her a character reference. This is what i wrote-

Dear Sir/Madam
I can confirm that I lived with XXX from April XXX to June XXX in XXX. We had previously lived together for approximately 2 years in a shared house with friends in XXXXX.
XXX is a caring person by nature who, while living with me, was employed as a XXXXXXX. I have complete confidence in stating that she is suitable to adopt a child. As this is a specific character reference in terms of suitability to adopt I will clearly state that XXX has no habits or personality traits that would make her in any way a danger to a child and I would have no concerns about the safety or well being of any child placed with her.
On a personal note I believe that XXXXXXX Adoption Service is extremely lucky to have someone like XXXX offing a potential home to a child. She will provide a safe, nurturing environment with all the love, fun and care a child could wish for.
If you have any specific questions, please feel free to contact me for more details.
Yours faithfully

I didnt like the 'danger to children' bit but but part of their introductory letter asked me specifically about that.

I hope my contribution might help others know what to write.