Having "the conversation"

[PixieMiss]

I had my first DS in March and have been on SMP since (roughly half of my usual income), I have moved into a new home and I am getting married later in October. All in all, it hasn't been a cheap year.

Last Xmas I got my mum a lovely expensive handbag and a few other bits and mentioned I had gone a tad overboard as I wasn't sure how much free cash I would have in subsequent years to be able to do the same.

My DM has been divorced for coming up 20 years, no other partners and I am an only child. Her parents do treat her though.

From a young age my grandparents have bought fairly expensive gifts for her "from me" and this has been the expectation of me since I began earning my own wage.

Problem is, she has already started hinting at large, expensive items for this Xmas. I can't really afford it to be honest and I thought it had been addressed in advance last year (for the record, she wont have forgot, her memory is incredible).

I can't get away with some nice boots sets or whatever as she HAS to use the most expensive makeup, handcream, body lotion etc. Clothes are the same. Vouchers are impersonal and it goes on and on.

What can I do without hurting feelings? FWIW I don't expect massive presents myself, a couple of books, maybe a massage voucher would do for me!

[SquedgieBeckenheim]

Just be honest with her! She must know your circumstances - SMP, wedding, moving etc. Give what you can afford to, and she'll just have to suck it up. She sounds rather selfish if she expects big expensive presents despite knowing your income is less.

[derektheladyhamster]

A nice framed picture of DS. That is what grandparents got from us. Make sure it hasn't been seen on Facebook 😁

[Floralnomad]

Just tell her that from now on you want to set a spending limit on presents and tell her what the limit is .

[RaeSkywalker]

Talk to her about setting a budget this year so that you both spend the same (smaller) amount?

[RaeSkywalker]

Cross post Floral.

[Berthatydfil]

Your mum is bvvvu expecting you to fund her expensive gifts.
You will just have to say it straight out as it looks like your hints are falling on deliberately deaf ears.
Mum as you know I'm on maternity leave so my pay has gone down and what with getting married we have eaten up all our savings so I'm going to have to make some changes financially because I have little Fred to think of now and child care costs me £xx per week.
As I told you last year I'm not going to have the means to buy you the kind of gifts I used to so as a family or me dh (in laws whoever) etc are only doing token gifts for each other from now on.

Will she really begrudge her own grandson Christmas gifts or expect you to get into debt do that you can continue the extravagant gifts??

[PixieMiss]

I agree with all your points - it is selfish to expect lavish gifts when I'm on a budget.

I have dropped it in conversation that DP and I have set each other a limit on the gifts we exchange. I shall tell her it's the same for her next time it gets brought up.

berth - I love my DM and she helps me lot but yes, she would expect me to get into debt/whack it on a credit card. She earns minimum wage herself but spends an INSANE amount on beauty treatments/haircuts every 6 weeks and is a fair amount of debt herself. Its the same with my wedding, I am having a registry office ceremony and a small lunch afterwards for our nearest and dearest and she is rabbiting on about wedding cars, spray tans and manicures for me, massive wedding cakes its all about spending for the sake of it!