My Feminist Fail

(114 Posts)
msrisotto Tue 03-Jan-12 18:53:33

This is meant to be a light hearted thread!

I am a card carrying, soap box ranting, "This Is What A Feminist Looks Like" t-shirt owning feminist but......[small voice] I love watching America's Next Top Model. Shocker! I am embarrassed to admit it, I know how awful it is. Encouraging and celebrating the sexual objectification of women.

And I wear quite heavy make up when my skin is bad. But I don't think Feminism would blame me for that, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to survive in the patriarchy!

Don't tell me everyone else is virtuous here! Care to share?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

msrisotto Tue 03-Jan-12 18:56:59

Oh Gawd!! How do you stand Charlie Sheen's character?

breaktime73 Tue 03-Jan-12 18:57:48

I wear makeup and even (urk) shave my pubes cos I don't like it when they get foresty. I wear a lot of shocking pink (is that unfeminist? dunno) and red/fuschia lipstick. Other feminists (I work in feminist legal studies) look at me with suspicion.

I justify my look as 'playing' with styles but the fact is I just don't want to look (what I consider to be) crap.

I am also very into fat rights etc but worry about my own weight.

Feminist hypocrisy is rife don't worry....
Oh I also liked ANTM- a camp laugh fest better than a Carry On film.

yellowraincoat Tue 03-Jan-12 18:59:42

Too many things to even know where to begin. High heels, oodles of make up, dyed hair, short skirts.

I don't think it's necessarily against feminism though.

2 and a half men though - wow. You can get excommunicated for that shit.

I'm getting better but not all there yet. I do love clothes and I wear makeup once in a blue moon. And I still get taken in by all the guff about wifework.

On the plus side, I have found myself moving away from wanting to wear skyscraper heels all the time, and I stopped buying women's magazines last year which really helps.

IslaDoit Tue 03-Jan-12 19:02:29

I am also one of those t-shirt owning feminists. Dh says my boobs look spectacular in it (I think because the writing goes all wonky round the curves). I find this both hilarious and pleasing blush grin I would object if anyone else said it but dh is a feminist too and only says it to me at least he better do

I also wear make up and other stuff but I don't think that's a symbol of patriarchal oppression. I bought my own stuff and could go without if I chose. I please myself.

My worst fail is that dh is the only one earning at the moment so he pays the mortgage, bills and household expenses. That riles me a lot bit (although I have paid for big stuff like holidays and treats and DS's childcare so I think we're even).

breaktime73 Tue 03-Jan-12 19:04:08

You're right yellow- makeup should not be 'antifeminist' per se. Really I would like to see men also able to experiment freely with how they look.

The DSs and I had a laugh today in Sainsbury's trying on the cosmetic testers. Ds2 ended up looking like the JOker while Ds1 chose a distractingly pretty sparkly eyeshadow! You should have seen the looks I got from the other shoppers....

IslaDoit Tue 03-Jan-12 19:04:14

I also object to the fact that childcare seems to be my primary responsibility.

Thankfully neither of us can be bothered with cleaning.

2 and a half men is brilliant.
Charlie Sheen is even slightly attractive.

breaktime73 Tue 03-Jan-12 19:04:59

Isla- I think the feminist fail for me, is that I don't like doing without my makeup. I feel ugly without it sad

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IslaDoit Tue 03-Jan-12 19:05:36

Arf at breaktime. DS insisted I paint his nails earlier. I was using red and he asked for "ows" on his fingers. He then admired them proudly. I will take him to Waitrose later grin

breaktime73 Tue 03-Jan-12 19:05:51

the thing is Isla is that childcare should be respected as the work it truly is. Feminism shouldn't be seen as a working woman's realm.

I have no problem with DP earning the money whilst I look after the children.
I wear make up.
I would take DPs name if we got married.

breaktime73 Tue 03-Jan-12 19:06:43

hehe. I used to paint the Ds's nails. Their dad who has 50% custody went INSANE when he saw it and actually shouted at poor ds2 to take it off. No wonder I divorced him :D

breaktime73 Tue 03-Jan-12 19:07:53

Mud I really regretted changing my name (I changed it back when I separated from xH). I don't think I'd do it again. Why the hell shouldn't the MAN change his name for once?? I really think it's a big 'property marker' of a custom and thoroughly outdated, but of course I did it too, under pressure from xH and his family.

IslaDoit Tue 03-Jan-12 19:08:02

x-posted breaktime.

It's a tricky one. Wearing make up because you like the look and feel better about yourself I feel is fine.

What's not fine is if you feel you have to wear make up to be feminine/taken seriously/able to go out the house etc. That says we need to change a society that values looks over substance.

DS wears nail varnish all the time. He has also been known to cover his face in red lipstick. He's 2!

breaktime73 Tue 03-Jan-12 19:08:36

I think the SAHMs on here should be proud to be caring feminists doing undervalued work. Nothing unfeminist about it. I couldn't do it myself and I take my hat off to you all....

I'd change my name because the DCs have his name and I don't like the idea of them having a different surname to me. I wouldn't however give them mine as having DPs surname made him feel more involved with them as I gave birth, fed them etc.

IslaDoit Tue 03-Jan-12 19:10:23

Oh yes I absolutely agree that childcare is work and should be respected - dh totally gets this too (in fact we joke that if we ever got divorced there'd be a custody battle for who didn't get residency because it's such hard work) I just feel annoyed that it has been assumed that I will be responsible for this when DS has two parents.

breaktime73 Tue 03-Jan-12 19:11:27

It's weird, Isla. There was a thread on here talking about the oppression of beauty practices and I agreed wholesale. I tried to wear less makeup, stop shaving etc but only managed to relax a bit more about wearing FULL makeup at work etc. Everyone tells me I suit makeup, I think unfortunately I have one of those faces which suits it and looks a bit 'faded' without.

The thing is, I have a history of eating disorders etc and a typically 'feminine-neurotic' preoccupation with my looks. I'm getting over it but I know the makeup thing is a symptom. Plus the fact I can't bear to look at my grey roots...wtf?! why do we have to feel ashamed of aging? We should be proud to be wise women. But no woman I know seems to be. It's so sad, we have a long way to go eh.

IslaDoit Tue 03-Jan-12 19:15:29

I think fear of aging is biological. Our primary function as human beings is to reproduce. If we're too old to do this what use are we?

Thankfully in a civilised society biology does not have to rule us.

I know I look better with make up. I don't feel guilty or un-feminist wearing it. I like wearing it. I like how I look with it. I also don't care what strangers think of me so would go out without making much effort if I can't be bothered. I don't feel validated by my make up.

Looking like you, but a bit improved, is not anti-feminist.

break - it's really hard though, isn't it? I mean if it were easy to say 'ooh, yes, I don't bother with any of that patriarchial crap about how I look, la la la', there'd be very little point - the difficulty is that we are bothered, it is convincing. And we shouldn't be blaming ourselves for it all.

<bangs drum>

<breaks drum>

sad

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