Said goodbye to my lovely boy today.

(44 Posts)
dollywobbles Wed 22-May-13 12:01:30

I don't know why I'm posting. Maybe because the last 2 or 3, sleepless, nights I've spent reading the threads in The Litter Tray, looking for comfort. My lovely, sweet, wonderful boy was diagnosed with cancer, anemia and renal failure 10 days ago. Just 10 days.

Yesterday I could see that he was just too tired to carry on. His breathing was painful to watch and he hadn't eaten for 2 or 3 days. Then this morning he drank some water and promptly threw it back up.

I knew he was ready. So we've had the vet round this morning.

It was so peaceful. It was, and this sounds so wrong, but it was lovely. It was everything my dear sweet boy deserved. It was at home, it was calm and he was in my arms.

He was nearly 14 and he was the loveliest cat in the world. And I loved him and I will miss him terribly.

That's it, really. Just wanted people to know, for some reason.

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 22-May-13 12:07:32

I'm so sorry sad.

cozietoesie Wed 22-May-13 12:12:13

So very sorry, dolly.

I'm so sorry. But you can take comfort from the fact that he died peacefully. It's rare to find vets that do home visits - that's a lovely way to do it.

Iwouldratherbemuckingout Wed 22-May-13 12:21:21

I'm so sorry, I understand how much it hurts, many on here have felt the loss of a kitty so well loved. Knowing he went with love and in your arms is a big comfort. Xxx

dollywobbles Wed 22-May-13 12:28:28

Thanks all.

I think you're right, the fact he was in my arms and I could see him just gently fall asleep, is going to be a comfort.

At the moment though, it feels like a nightmare. Well, it comes and goes. I have moments of calm where I know I did the right thing, and then a wave of panic comes over me and I can't breathe and I feel like I've got it wrong. And I want to go and get him and make it all ok again. And I can't. And I want him.

That won't last though, will it? The Vet she'd have done the same thing for her cat. That helped. In fact, I think that helped more than she could know.

HighJinx Wed 22-May-13 12:56:03

I'm so sorry Dolly sad

Remember these words from your OP - I knew he was ready

You knew because you loved him so very much and you let him go peacefully in your arms. You did everything he would have asked of you.

marzipanned Wed 22-May-13 14:24:12

Oh, dolly, you poor thing. So much better to give him the peaceful ending he deserved.

Yes, the pain will go away. Of course you will always love him and miss him, but it won't be so raw or so horrid as it is right now.

Your boy sounds wonderful.

Selks Wed 22-May-13 14:32:12

So sorry x

I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful boy on Saturday - he was hit by a car then taken by a fox. I absolutely know what you mean when you say you just want people to know, I'm guessing not just that you've lost him but that he was such a great cat.

It's obvious how much you loved him and cared for him. I hope you are getting lots of love and comfort.

QOD Thu 23-May-13 16:05:07

A I'm so sorry, we love them so and are responsible for them

dollywobbles Thu 23-May-13 16:36:12

I'm not really coping.

I just want him back. He's all I can think about and it hurts so much. I don't know what to do.

cozietoesie Thu 23-May-13 16:41:34

There's nothing to do about it dolly. Just keep on going and trust that it will get better. Which it will in time.

dollywobbles Thu 23-May-13 16:43:11

It will, I know. I know that most of the time. But then, these waves of panic come over me and I think I've got it wrong and I just NEED to get him back.
I sound unbalanced here, and I'm really not most of the time.

cozietoesie Thu 23-May-13 16:56:37

You're 'out of balance'. It's a different thing and happens to us all when we're grieving.

Dolly, I feel exactly the same. I wish we could have a sit down and crazy lady cry together.

dollywobbles Thu 23-May-13 18:01:32

Thanks cozie, that's a nicer way of putting it.

And lurked, I would love to do that. We could talk about our lovely boys. And when we started bawling hysterically, neither of us would think it was odd!

I'm so sorry that your boy had such an awful ending, it's not what he would have deserved. Life is very cruel.

What was he like? How old was he?

Mine was ginger and white, very petite and the most loving cat I had ever met. He slept in the crook of my arm every night. He would come running home when I whistled him.

I just miss him so much.

My boy was black and white and was really quite small. He was terrified of everything - opening the fridge would send him running, but he would quite happily sit and watch fireworks.

We think he was somewhere between 8 and 10, but we don't know as he was a rescue cat.

Most nights he slept either at my feet, my pillow or lying between me and DH. He could also be a right pain in the arse by licking my hair at 2 in the morning.

It's really hard but I'm trying to work on being able to look at photos/talk about him/tell funny stories with a smile rather than bursting into tears.

How are you doing today Dolly? Hope you are starting to feel a wee bit better.

dollywobbles Sat 25-May-13 22:26:57

Hi Lurked, I think I am doing better. I've had fewer big panics, so that's good. I do keep looking for him, for a brief moment. Then I remember.
What was really weird today was, I was looking out the window, at a spot in the garden that my boy liked to sunbathe. I said out loud 'wouldn't you love today. You'd be enjoying this sunshine. I do miss you. I'd love to see you out there'. At that exact moment, the neighbour's cat, who looks just like my boy (from behind especially) walked down the path. My heart almost stopped for a moment! It really shook me up though, really upset me. I guess he was looking for his little friend. Heartbreaking though, it felt like a cruel trick!
How are you getting on? Hope you're finding some peace. X

Starting to get there, still angry and sad but there's bigger gaps between the tears or thinking about him. Then I feel guilty for not being upset or not thinking about him. I told you I was going mad smile

MsSavingPennies Sat 01-Jun-13 12:49:46

Hugs to both Dolly and Lurked x

whethergirl Tue 04-Jun-13 01:08:36

Dolly and Lurked can I join you as I have been crazy lady crying for two days now. It is double heartbreaking as I have to watch DS age 8 crying over his best friend.

How are you both?

My cat got knocked over and we found out on Sunday. I just miss my cat so much. The house is not the same. I keep expecting to see him in his usual spots. I put away all his stuff today and that was just awful.

He was such an amazing cat. So well behaved but full of character. So loving and affectionate. He would make us laugh and smile every day.

I'm finding this unbearable actually sad

Whether - so sorry for you and your son. I'm still a bit of a weepy wreck but it is getting slightly easier. Sometimes I even go an hour without thinking about him. It's very hard but every day is a little better.

We've adopted two new cats already. It makes the house much less empty and quiet. I'm not sure it's the answer for everyone but its the only thing helping me to feel normal. They will never replace him but will find their own place in my heart.

The only advice I can give is to cry as much as you need and take as much time as you need. Your boy sounds lovely - a lot like mine. I'm hoping that one day soon I can think about him happily but it's going to take a while for us all.

Dolly - how are you?

whethergirl Wed 05-Jun-13 21:38:14

I'm glad you've got your new cats lurked, I do think it helps because our house seems so empty without a cat around. On one hand I don't feel like getting another one because I'm not sure I can love it as much as our cat iykwim. However, I do miss the general cat presence and I think it would be good for ds.

In fact, I told him tonight, that although we could never replace our cat and although ds feels too raw to think about getting one now, I wanted to show him how many kittens out there need a home. We then looked at all the kitten gumtree ads, cooing and aahing. It definitely made us feel better!

Yes I know what you mean, I too hope that one day I can think about him without feeling that horrible heartbreak feeling.

I do miss him, so so much though. To think less than 2 weeks ago I was stroking and playing with him, not knowing I'd never get the chance again.

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