I need some rules in place for my teenagers in the summer holidays - otherwise they'll be awake half the night and asleep half the day...while dh and I work our socks off..

[mumonthenet]

they're good kids and they need a break but last hols when at home they were on computer and TV til 1 or 2 am, then asleep til lunchtime. Drives me nuts when dh and I can't do that kind of timetable.

Tell me what your rules are if any,should I insist on tv and computer off at at fixed time? do you give em some housework to do while you're out at work? Should they cook the dinner too?

Ideas please.

[scienceteacher]

It drives me nuts too, but I was speaking to a friend who said that she was really happy her teens slept until lunchtime. She would work in the mornings and then go home for the afternoons (it saved her annual leave to take off only half-days).

The rules for my teens when they are off is that they have to do some housework - eg keep the kitchen clean, do the hoovering, and shop for any food we have run out of.

As for the computer, we have our Windows Vista set to click off at 10 or 11pm for their accounts.

[Tortington]

i know i know - been there honest to god - i found that what we do is ask for all the controls for the game consoles - like unplu them and brin them to me and leave on table downstairs or something.

minehave chores anyway - but these change over time and whent hey complain so i find the best thin to do is sit them down and have a neotiation - and say I will cook tea, but i need washing up, putting away, kitchen sides doing and table wipin - so who do you think should do what - and let them come to an agreement - that way they have a buy in

but if your kids are anythin like mine - they rely on your rubish memory and take advantae - so i write it up and stick on fridge
dh has chores too

so our house goes

me - cook - general stuff
all - wash our own plates ( in theory)
dh - wash up the rest
dd - wipe table, do recycling
ds - kitchen sides, kitchen bin

and say that you want it done BEFORE they o out with mates that day - becuase my kids go out and miht come back at 9pm ( they are 16)

and its too late to be fucking about at that time.

sometimes if i have had a partic lon day i have ran dd up and asked her to make tea - and shes ded good about it - something easy like stick a pizza in or something.

[RustyBear]

My only different rule when my two hit this stage was - if you go to bed after us DON'T BE NOISY!

Otherwise they did chores as normal and made their own lunch.

It didn't bother me if they spent their mornings (when I was at work) asleep and the late evening (when I was in bed) awake rather than the other way round.

[HuffwardlyRudge]

It is the only time in your life that you can stay up all night and then sleep until noon. It's a right of passage. As long as they pull their weight when they are awake don't not let them just because you're jealous that you can't do it too. You had your turn as a teenager, now it's their turn.

Isn't there some research that says teenagers benefit from sleeping loads, and keeping a later time schedule [vague]?

[mumonthenet]

Thanks for your replies, helps me to focus!

Yes Custy I too have a rubbish memory so I know I've got to plan this and have a few routines set up for them - in writing!!!

I'm not jealous of them it's mostly that it kind of disrupts my routine when they're still crashing around, eating yoghurts, leaving lights on etc..til all hours! I think I'm a control freak. Must learn to let go!

Any more ideas welcome.

[Tortington]

think it depends on your work pattern - as someone else said - it could suit you well to leave them sleeping - at least they aren't causing trouble for 4 or 5 hours whilst you are at work

i am of the opinion - that yes teenaers - well kids in general need lots of sleep. my kids can go to bed at ten - lights off 11 and still sleep til 10 am - potter around, breakfast - chores - its still 12 anyway.

and i don't think its good for them to be up til 1 or 3 in the morning - especially gaming that gets them wound up - rather than wound down.

and the thing is - you are relying on them to self regulate - not a good thing IME with ds2 and gaming - if he could he would seriously be up til gone 3am - then be a horrible child the next day.

[mumonthenet]

yes, self-regulating I would be happy with and dd(17) does this anyway pretty well.

Younger ones am not sure about, its messenger and The Sims and they literally don't notice the time. Or a DVD. I do not like it one little bit. Only have XP on this computer so I don't think I can set it up to switch itself off.

I don't mind them sleeping late next day but I want to have a few routines and responsibilities in place for them too. After all, there's more cooking and cleaning to be done when they're all at home so only fair they should take on more.

[LaineyW]

How old are they mumonthenet?

I turn into a real harridan in the summer hols (I work from home and usually end up stomping about with baskets full of dirty laundry while they're loafing in their dressing gowns watching America's Next Top Model or some other such trash.)

Every year I tell myself I'll do what Custy does and draw up a timetable of jobs. This year I will definitely do it, or end up strangling one or both of them.

Come Dine With Me has sparked off a cooking frenzy so I might get them to do competitive lunches and dinners with a prize for the best one at the end of the holidays!

[mumeeee]

The tenagers I have at home are 19 and 17. The rules we have are the internet goes off at midnight,they make thier own lunch and wash up and they do any other chores they are asked to. Otherwise I let them sleep as long as they like and don't mind if they lounge around in thier dressing gowns.

[mumonthenet]

they are 17, 14 and 12(going on 16).

Thanks for the idea and support, good to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

Of course I shouldn't be on the internet at this time of night either .

Am off to bed but would welcome any more ideas.

[margotfonteyn]

My older ones are back from university ages before the youngest breaks up from school, so we have the crashing about til all hours, lights on etc, encouraging younger one to stay up and then he has to get up early for school.........aaargh. Drives me mad too.

I have set rules now about being quiet late at night, which they do take on board a little bit. They live on a totally different timescale to me, DH and DC3.

But it is nice to have them home and I miss them when they are not here

[BodenGroupie]

How do you set up Vista to switch off automatically? This could change my life! PC already has a password so they can't switch it on if I'm not around - I'm not worried about what they're looking at but DD1 would spend a ten hour stretch on MSN and Facebook.

I love the Teenagers forum - I'm led to believe that "everyone else is allowed" until I come on here and find out the truth!

I posted at Christmas that I wanted to stop my two staying in bed till mid-afternoon and was firmly put in my place. I don't mind when I'm at work but their body clocks are so out of kilter at weekends that we can't do anything together unless it's planned in advance.

[mumonthenet]

margot and boden, you've both taken words out of my mouth. They're living on different timescales to the rest of us...and yes then their body clocks are so out of kilter that they're no use to anyone during the day....and I don't really want them doing the chores I've set them at 2 o'clock in the morning!

Yep, and my youngest thinks if the older ones stay up late then she can too.

I love my kids and I don't mind them enjoying their holidays but........long live the teenagers board!

[mumonthenet]

p.s. mine have to join us for family lunch (weekends) i.e. not allowed to sleep after 1pm!!

[BodenGroupie]

I like your style, Mumonthenet! DD1 says that she doesn't know any families who eat together every night! I'm obviously cruel and heartless . Big advantage for her though is that she gets a glass of wine with meals at the weekend .

[margotfonteyn]

I have recently managed to force DS1 to forgo 'breakfast' at 12 and to wait for 'lunch' at 1pm. A very small but important victory.

[BodenGroupie]

That would be regarded as cruel and inhumane in our house - they seem to eat constantly from the moment they wake. I'm hoping this doesn't signal another growth spurt cos I can't afford food AND clothes!

[Libra]

I ring up from work at 12.00 to check that DS1 is out of bed.

Then I give him any chores he needs to do that day.

This summer he will be painting the outside of the house (evil laugh) in return for my funding a very expensive summer music school.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

DD is only 13 so I probably haven't experienced the full horror, but in the main I let her lie in at the weekends for as long as she wants. It dooesn't bother me hugely if she emerges like the wreck of the hesperus at midday; if I have anything planned she would know about it and I would wake her.

I have got to the point where she can go to bed when she wants, I have a rule that the laptop is off by 10.30 (at the moment she abides by it without any nagging, expect this will change!). She also has her list of chores which she always does (clean bathroom every day, dust the sitting room, feed the cats, make sure her bedroom isn't a complete tip).

I remember as a teenager (actually I am the same now) that I needed to sleep a lot, and I have always been a nightowl myself.

[dizietsma]

Haven't you seen the study about teenagers actually needing to sleep odd hours? I'm sure it must rankle to have them sleeping lots when you're out working, but kids have hoildays for a reason, they're growing and need the rest!

BBC article

"There's a biological predisposition for going to bed late and getting up late. Clearly you can impose upon that even worse habits, but they are not lazy."

[BodenGroupie]

Diz...are you a teenager?!

Have seen the report but do think there is a happy medium - a bit of compromise on both sides so we still have some family life.

[dizietsma]

Nope, facing my 30th birthday this year

But I remember sleeping very weirdly when I was growing. Aged 15 I went to bed around 3am and woke at noon for the whole summer holiday. I grew about a foot in height in a month and a half, and I just couldn't get to sleep any earlier. I used to lay in bed freaking out about my "insomnia". It would've relieved me greatly to have seen this study then.

I'm still a night owl, even when I have to get up a 6am the next day, I simply cannot get to sleep earlier than 12.30am.

Some people just have different schedules, it's not laziness.

You have to be age appropriate in what you expect from your kids. This new study explains to us that teenagers sleep weirdly for a developmental reason, and as parents we should make allowances for it.

[jumpingbeans]

I never worried what time mine got up at weekeknds or holidays, and my all time house rule was CLEAR UP AFTER YOURSELVES,never expected them to do housework type stuff, i only ended up doing it myself again after, but as long as they made their beds, washed up their plates and things, put their wshing in the washing bin, and left the bathroom as they found it, we all on quite well

[BCNS]

our rules are that x box and or laptop is off at 9.30 school nights 10 pm non school nights.

homework and chores are done before social RL or virtual life takes over.

DS1 is responsable for afternoon dog walk, washing up every other night, keeping the pit( his bedroom) accessible for me to collect his washing.

He's 14 now.. so we have lessened the chores slightly , as he would do these for pocket money.. and told him if he needs money he needs a job. this allows ds2 to take over some of the chores and allow him to earn a little more pocket money.

DS1 has organised for a few jobs locally where he can do holiday cover for a couple of local shops. ( has to do it this way as he goes away half of the school hols and every other weekend to his dads miles away).

so baring in mind that sometimes he needs to get up in the morning for work in hols, he doesn't tend to do the up until 2am and stay in bed all afternoon.

maybe encourage a part time job they need to get up for?

[mumeeee]

Boden tell your DD we eat together as a family everynight unless one of us is out somewhere. Also we tend to have Sunday lunch together. We are all often doing our own thing on a saturday.