Q and A with Charlie Taylor, author of 'Divas and Doorslammers - The Guide to better behaved teenagers'

(66 Posts)
RachelMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 13-Sep-10 16:36:38

Untidy? monosyllabic? endless arguments; communication by grunt; Seismic sulking; Lives ruled by FOMO (fear of missing out). Sound like your teenager?

Behavioural expert Charlie Taylor is joining us this week to answer your questions on unruly teenagers. His book Divas and Doorslammers is a practical handbook which is full of simple, effective techniques for improving your teenager's behaviour.

Charlie Taylor has been a behavioural specialist for over 10 years. He has taught every age group, from nursery to 16-year-olds, working in tough inner city primary and comprehensive schools. He is currently the head teacher of a special school for children with behavioural, emotional and social difficulties in West London. He also works as a freelance behaviour consultant, coaching teachers in behaviour management techniques, and holds regular workshops for parents. He lives in London and is married with 3 immaculately behaved children.

Send your questions to Charlie on this thread by the end of the day next Monday 20th September and we'll be posting his answers by the end of the week.

Dappy1 Thu 26-Sep-13 09:35:56

My 18 year old son caught his 15 year old sister in bed with her boyfriend. He is cross with me for not listening to his concerns earlier about the company she is keeping. He is so upset and angry that he punched the floor and has now broken his hand. Whilst stopping her from doing most things I did let her go to her girlfriends to watch a movie and this wasn't acceptable discipline to her father whom I am divorced from and also her brother, but I am also concerned for her and want to nurture her as I worry she will go completely off the rails as she says her friends are the only ones that make her feel good about herself. She has to come home from school and no one is now allowed back at the house. Her dad hit her in the hospital car park whilst I was waiting for her brother to be seen because of the mess she has caused. They feel she should be completely kept away from all friends including her girlfriends and I was too lenient. We are in such a bad place at the moment. Help!

Claudia13 Wed 25-Apr-12 11:19:29

Like thesecondcoming said, reading this, I feel a bit better in a way that I'm not alone.

Brisvegasmum Mon 23-Apr-12 14:09:05

Thesecondcoming how rude of you, coz I blame you for coming into my house whilst dd sleeps deliberately pissing her off for the medusa to rise in the morning like a tsunami, ain't laughed so hard for ages x

Elie12 Thu 12-Apr-12 21:43:48

Dear Charlie,
I am 16 and my mother has a copy of your book as she was asked to get it to help with her job as a special needs coordinator, which I have had a look at. I feel that this book is very discrimanatery about how teenagers behave and it casts a bad image on us. Although I know that not everyone has the best behaviour I think that this book implies that this is how the majority acts rather than just about half or a quater of 11 to 16 year olds. For example it says,
"Most teenagers (as well as most of us) are addicted to mobile phones. If we go out the house without it we feel naked and vunerable, and if, heaven forbid, we leave it somewhere or loose it we are bereft." I personally hardly ever use my phone as It makes me feel like I am tied to people and I can't leave them behind and have my own life. Also I don't see the point in texting people I see all day at school once I get home from school. And others that I don't see that much I don't think I can talk to them properly through a text. I often leave my phone at my house or in my coat pocket for days and not even notice it's missing, that said they are very useful if I am out and and I want to know where someone is. Most other people I know my age don't use them that much, although there are some girls in my class who say they use about 300 texts a day! I can't believe that because whenever I talk to them they seem like the most boring people in the world. After my dad read this book he assumed that I would act the way they said, and I don't like it because it makes him think I am like that and have a low opinion of me when I am really not at all. And this leads him to snap at me when I am and even asking him the most resonable things like please can I have a bit of a break after dinner before I do my revision and this leads to arguments which lead me to feel in a bad mood and is very counter productive as then I can't concentrate!
Thankyou for reading what I have to say, I hope you won't judge all people in future
Elie

Jogonannie Mon 27-Feb-12 13:15:07

Found a huge stain on the hall carpet this morning ( further investigation found it was dried lasagne!). Spider senses kicked in and I knew ds had taken food to his bedroom in the night. When I asked him why he didn't tell me he spilt it and just covered it with a rug, all I got was " well I knew you would shout at me! ". Beige carpet + lasagne = stressed out mum now on hands and knees scrubbing carpet.

cuddlebugs Fri 01-Apr-11 15:12:47

my son is 11 yrs old starts high school this september and both of us fill he is not ready for this change . also he is behaviour is getting bad, which is not normal for him. he,s started to lie ,steal , bully and just realy nasty .please can you help me , need advise on how to deal with this ,i am at my wits end .

sallyspookypoisonberry Sun 24-Oct-10 00:14:48

Oh I'd forgotten about this, just read the reply to my question, made me quite teary tbh smile

bellaella16 Sun 03-Oct-10 18:45:53

Help 16yr DS has several 100 pics of girls in (mostly) soft porn poses on laptop. Also some hard porn of all sorts on laptop. Found it when installing new printer drivers. Extreme moodiness seems to coincide with when downloads started.

Have not mentioned it out of respect for privacy. Naked girls I understand is natural curiosity. Porn clips worry me as they give false and rather nasty view of sex. He has male and female friends but no gf and not sexually active (as far as I know). What do I do?

nottirednow Thu 30-Sep-10 08:46:08

Message withdrawn

RachelMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 29-Sep-10 12:44:19

Sorry for the delay - Charlie's answers are all back now and you can see the full Q and A here.

nottirednow Wed 29-Sep-10 08:33:48

Message withdrawn

Suda Tue 28-Sep-10 21:34:26

Hello (getting weaker)

nottirednow Tue 28-Sep-10 09:39:21

Message withdrawn

maryz Sat 25-Sep-10 23:04:05

Did we frighten him off?

mumonthenet Sat 25-Sep-10 15:33:47

What happened to Charlie's answers?

PixieOnaLeaf Fri 24-Sep-10 21:48:37

Message withdrawn

mollyroger Mon 20-Sep-10 20:00:46

Have succombed to the book, having read a little around Charlie Taylor. it arrived today and although there is magic wand, I already feel vastly reassured by some of the case studies and have found myself nodding a lot in empathic agreement!

TeenageWildlife Mon 20-Sep-10 13:19:24

Oh I hope I'm not too late - one more, how to motivate a 16 year old boy to give a damn about his school work? He has no idea what he wants to do or even what he likes. Rest of the time fairly normal in terms of previously chatty now grunting etc.

RachelMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 20-Sep-10 12:21:59

Many thanks for all your questions. We've sent them over to Charlie and will be linking to the transcribed Q and A from this thread by the end of the week.

KatnKankles Sat 18-Sep-10 00:21:59

Firstly a similar question to the above. My son is 14 and generally a nice lad. He spends a LOT of time on the computer and doesn't socialise with his friends outside of school unless they come to our house which happens about once a week.
I'd rather he were here than hanging around the streets but any efforts I make to try and get him into sports/hobbies outside of the computer seem to fall on deaf ears.
He has glowing school reports and seems to have plenty of friends. Is he 'normal'?

Question 2, My daughetr is 12 and has recently become incredibly clingy and teary. She cries pretty much every day and sometimes rings me from school to say she misses me. She often says she doesn't know why she's crying. It got to the point where she was supposed to go away for a weekend with her Dad and she had to let them down because she couldn't bear to be away from me. She follows me around constantly and I have to give her cuddles ALL the time. I don't really mind but I have a 4 month old baby plus a 6 year old to take care of too. I just hug her when she sobs, often I don't even ask questions because I know all she wants is a hug until she calms down.
Am I doing the right thing? I reassured her it's hormones, she hasn't started her period yet but she has boobs and hairs so don't think she'll be long.
It might sound like a trivial problem but she has always been so independent and outgoing, it's quite upsetting for her to feel this way.

JeezyPeeps Fri 17-Sep-10 13:57:05

My son, 13 is becoming more and more withdrawn from 'normal' life, wanting to play on the pc and xbox 24/7, and is apparantly demonstrating having a 'bad attitude' at school.

He has always been very helpful, but is becoming less and less so. He is very stubborn about anything he doesn't want to do (both at home and school).

He has an older sister that has not struggled with school the way he has, and I think this affects how he feels.

What can I do to help him, and by doing so help me?

Just to update - the school have tested ds3 for dyslexia (a basic test) and didn't find any dyslexic tendencies.

Limara Fri 17-Sep-10 09:28:52

Hi, I'm currently reading this book

It explains what is going on in teenagers minds. I NEVER read books but I felt the need to try and change the atmosphere in my home. Some of it's actually working for me although DS (13) did ask me this morning, if he could be expelled from school after his tutor rang last night explaining he's put DS on report for constant lateness hmm

I'm going to follow this thread smile

BohoHobo Fri 17-Sep-10 08:29:10

Oh my if I start to ask, I may never stop! Trouble is, I know the answers to most things, its hard putting it into practise though!

FunnysInTheGarden Thu 16-Sep-10 22:27:03

for a moment there I thought you meant Charles Taylor. I know MN is a bit on the edgy side, but a third world dictator? grin

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