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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

"Step-P's"-background. What was your life before?

38 replies

ElenorRigby · 22/02/2009 19:48

Was just wondering what was your life like before you became a "step".
Were you separated/divorced with kids?
Were you separated/divorced with no kids?
Were you single with no ties?
Etc...
I am kinda of interested on understanding different "steps" are coming from as I have noticed we have different attitudes to similar situations.
I was kinda figuring it might be due to "where we are coming from" as it were.

OP posts:

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AnitaBlake · 22/02/2009 21:03

No kids, not divorced, was single, a few years out of a longterm relationship which went horribly wrong! Decided I would be excluding a lot of potentially very nice guys if I said no kids at my age (30ish). Met my wonderful OH and never looked back, wanna stab his ex but I think thats normal.....

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Surfermum · 22/02/2009 21:44

I was single, just out of a 12 year relationship, no children.

I didn't become a "step" straight away though as dh was going through the Courts for a contact order. We'd been together a good year before dh got unsupervised contact (he hadn't done anything, just very long, drawn out proceedings and dh having to jump through all the hoops).

He had been the injured party in the break up, with his x's new partner moving in the day dh moved out.

It's been a long and rocky road to where we are now. Dsd's mum hated me and then some. She accused me of wanting to take her dd away from her. Decided that I couldn't have children because of a botched termination and that's why I wanted her child. Dh even got questioned about it in Court . For years she thought I was nothing to do with dsd.

It's a lot different now, thank goodness.

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duomonstermum · 22/02/2009 22:13

lets see... i was young, free and single(18) when i met DH. he's my first serious relationship but we have similar family backgrounds and v similar mental age

my dad wasn't happy cos he thought age wise i was too young but says he always knew that i had an old head. am now into my 30's and still act like i'm 18 much to my dad's despair my family has moved around a lot, we all live on different continents, so that tends to colour they way i see things. DH and i both have extended family involved on a regular basis so that helps (or hinders) depending on the situation.

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prettyfly1 · 23/02/2009 13:38

Heya,

I was a single parent with very little support, so I have been on both sides of the equation. Came from a big working family, have always had and maintained a fantastic career and my own house, both pre and after both my baby and relationship. Got a degree at night school after working full time so have worked pretty hard. Have two businesses of my own, one a marketing comms firm and one a part time high end catering (more of a hobby at this stage really). Met dp but not dss for a long, long time. I have always had a group of tight nit friends and a house full of people needing feeding so I think i have quite a nice life really.

Dps ex hates me. Utterly hates me. Trying to get over it and ignore her but it can be hard.

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poppy34 · 23/02/2009 15:48

single with no ties but had a couple of long term relationships and was actually living with the last one when i met dh

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MayorNaze · 23/02/2009 15:49

young free and single

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mrsjammi · 23/02/2009 18:02

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mrsjammi · 23/02/2009 18:02

This reply has been deleted

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devilisunaccomplishedinprada · 24/02/2009 23:13

I was very young (16) and in a relationship with an absolute twat when I met DH. I was also still living at home and still at school.

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Malibugirl · 25/02/2009 10:45

I was single, had not long come out of a 15 year relationship and had no kids. I never wanted kids with my ex, although he did, so I guess that says something about our relationship. Since meeting my DH, 7 years ago, I decided I wanted kids of my own, but have been unsucessful after trying for 3 years....sods law I guess!

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ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 26/02/2009 15:32

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BitOfFun · 26/02/2009 15:46

He got a bargain then Hedgewitch!

I was newly split up from 2nd partner, had two kids. He was fresh out of a 15 year relationship, one child. We caught each other before we went bitter and cynical , love at first sight.

My ex was a twat, but seems to be thawing now (but still has never uttered DP's name or acknowledged he exists, after 3 years); his was a bit of clingon, even though she instigated the split. She's ok, not someone i'd choose to be friends with, but perfectly friendly.

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BonsoirAnna · 26/02/2009 15:49

Single with no children. Had been single for a while and was completely reconciled to the idea that any man worth sharing my life with would already have children.

Of my four single-no-children best friends from that single phase, three of them are also stepparents now.

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SpringBlossom · 02/03/2009 19:29

I was single with no kids (37, so very well used to this lifestyle!) - and then met a man with two children that he has fulltime custody of... they see their mum for one night out of fourteen. It has been the MOST enormous baptism of fire. The first year was one of the hardest things I've ever done. DSD wouldn't let us hug each other for the first 18 months without physically trying to interject herself between us. Nearly three years on it's much better although still a very hard slog at times. I only know one other person in 'real life' that is a step parent and he's a man. I would love to have people to talk to about how hard it is sometimes...

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timmyinatizzy · 03/03/2009 14:53

I was married and childless when I met current DH, left ex for him in May 2003. At that time DH was a weekend parent whenever it suited my DSD's mum. DH got full custody in Easter 2006. So I became a full time step mum then too. We got married in 2007 and had our DS in 2008. My DSD's mum can't stand me either, but then again, I'd be happy if we never saw her again. She has them only when it suits her.

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sunshineisout · 04/03/2009 09:41

I was single with no children. I lived alone and never lived with a partner before let alone with a step child. Have a plesant enough relationship with dp ex.

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mummynumber2 · 04/03/2009 15:20

I was not long out of an incredibly bad but thankfully short lived marriage, with no kids when I met DP although professionally I've had a lot of delings with children so have always felt comfortable around them.
We moved in together only a few months later and although I have many issues with DPs ex she seems to like me. DP his ex are a completly different story though.........

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sifuentes · 05/03/2009 13:59

I was single but fresh out of a bad 5 year relationship. His marriage was collapsing and his mum had just died so we did a lot of boozing and crying together before we got together. Happy Days!!

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sifuentes · 05/03/2009 14:02

oh and don't hate the ex but no reason to - also I am annoyingly reconciliatory. Find it impossible to leave arguments or niggles alone. Actually, I can't rest til things are sorted.

Just saying because op was interested in different outlooks...

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Lins75 · 13/03/2009 18:02

I was divorced with one DD.

Then met current DH who had two kids of his own that later on turned into teenagers

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Madbynature · 11/06/2009 13:29

Single with no kids... Didn't meet the sd's for 1st yr of our relationships as hb had to go to court to get contact!!!! Still no kids but hb's 3 girls moved in Oct 08 as part of residency order!!!! OMG I think I've been put through a wall with a demolition ball . I don't know anyone in the same position as me... the only step parents I know are men, and they also have kids of their own

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BonsoirAnna · 11/06/2009 13:34

Single with no children. I had lived as part of a couple twice before, however.

I took to stepparenting like a duck to water . It really wasn't difficult for me. But then, my DSSs are really very nice children.

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islandlassie · 12/06/2009 10:22

Young no ties but had bad relationships before hand. Totally different (i mean TOTALLY) backgrounds to DH but extremely similar personalities! (not always a good think )

But he didnt have contact with his kids at the time of meeting so it was a bit different for me

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nottypical · 12/06/2009 10:43

I was single, no ties. Met DP when he was married, had v short affair before his separation. he went through a long and painful divorce during which we saw dsd first sporadically and then on alternate weeks. 8 years later and things are good. dsd has a younger brother and sister whom she adores and we now get on well with exw and her husband.

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mrshibbins · 12/06/2009 12:42

I was married but separated with no kids when I met my OH. Had tried for years during my marriage to have kids (2 MCs and 2 failed IVFs) then gave up, then marriage collapsed. Met OH at ripe old age of 44. He had 1 DD from a previous long term relationship that had collapsed 5 years previously due to his ex's alcoholism. He also has residency of his DD for the same reason and she lives solely with us. Sadly only sees her BM for 3 hrs once a fortnight via supervised visits at a Child Contact Centre - if her mum turns up and is sober. The ex hates my guts with a vengeance and sees me as a sad sack bunny boiling child stealer, AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT, conveniently ruling her boozing and the previous court orders out of the equation. It's hard work being mum to a little girl who's own mum constantly lets her down, and there's lots of issues and she has lots of needs. TBH I'd rather she lived with her mum (where kids are supposed to be?) and came to us for weekends, holidays and fun, but that isn't likely to happen...