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Psssssstttt.... Geraldinemumsnet - I invited Justinemumsnet to be a fooc. I think she is simply too busy making biscuits for people to eat while watching her powerpoints to contribute though.
I am embarrassed, I was so excited about the new topic for one child families that never thought to mention... It would be just as perfect and lovely to have a few reports from you!!!!
The idea is it is reports from parents living all over the World and experiencing a variety of experiences. I am sure such forward thinking and open-minded people like you at mnhq would have a lot of great observations of the World around you to tell us all about!
Hope no one has self-combusted (messy), yes, that's a good idea and have put in a request to BigTech to do the necessary. Please bear with us, should be there by Monday at the latest.
Would the uprising be one for us or against us... though? Hey... we have to play it cool. Look for intelligent understanding and sympathy not cause mass annoyance! I was just thinking ideally another topic group would say we can stay at their place while ours is being built!
By the way it was no more than ponderings... I am much more of a thinker than a doer in general!!!
I was thinking - while we wait for Justinemumsnet's top notch powerpoint with I am sure home made biscuits shall we ask another topic if they mind if we camp at their place for a while?
I noticed there are not many posts in Gay Parents and Disabled parents and I am sure as our issues for discussion are quite different so our titles will stand out from each other and there will be no confusion.
We could also ask the large families if we could camp with them. Being at the other end of the scale they will understand that family size effects issues we, as parents, have to cope with. I feel they will be sympathetic to our cause - take us onlies under their big family Motherly wing maybe?
Or talking about creatures with wings - it occured to me that the chicken keepers might be our best bet because they will understand our plight having spent so long getting their own topic.
Alternatively we could post on parenting but make it a rule that we write ONLY CHILD before a thread title so we can see it clearly.
So my fellow onlies - Any preferred temporary solution - or perhaps someone has a better idea... like see if netmums will give us a space - or maybe not, Squeaver!!!!????!!!!!
Wheelsonthebushavefallenoff - Thank you for telling us your story. If it means anything to you - you are completely in our loop! Thanks for your powerful words. Very good points.
Squeaver ssssshhhhhhhh sssshhhhhhhh ssssssssssshhhhh (whispers in your ear - mentioning netmums was simply a tactical move. I am too addicted to the foocs to go anywhere other than mn!!!! Anyway - they all think fascinator rock over there I know I would find that just far too scary!!!)
WOW - I didn't know Justinemumsnet does a powerpoint for new topics!??!
Justinemumsnet - do you want us to do some gathering of quotes, facts and figures for you to use in said powerpoint? We can help you make it very learned - if you want us to help!
(to side - and if we help it will free you up to write your foocs report!)
Dammit, of course! That'll add at least another 3 months. Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to Justine's powerpoint presentation. I hope she provides decent biscuits and not just those crappy mint imperials.
another vote for this topic please. All my NCT group and other peers are starting on no 2 and my ds is highly likely to be an only (I was widowed whilst pg). Meeting other people with onlies is very important to me, I'm starting to feel a bit isolated and am not in the loop on all those little conversations about coping with 2 or more etc.
there are lots of things we could cover - society's perceptions of onlies, how to deal with onlies, how to cope if we wanted more children and can't have them, how to deal with other people's expectations if we chose to stick with the one; holidays, sharing, playdates, meet ups, the challenges of being a small family (in particular if single parents and your little family is just 2 people); how to answer when the onlies get older and beg for baby brothers or sisters ... do you want me to go on? My strategy is to bore you into submission!
It will be like getting the vote. In years to come, we can point at the only child topic on MN and say, all misty eyed and proud, 'Yes, we did that. We may not have achieved much but, by God, we got an only child topic on MN.'
I think it may take a while. I believe they have to have a focus group, send it out to research, discuss at committee, board and executive board level and then finally deliver their decision from on high.
I think the chicken-keepers had to wait 1924541719 years. Let's take hope from them.
And don't go to Netmums TFT!! They like fresh blood over there and will DEVOUR you.
Can someone explain to me (a relative newcomer) how these things work? Is the fact that we haven't got a topic yet evidence that we'll never get one (in other words, you get it within hours of asking or you don't get it at all)?
As I came home from work I had a little smile to myself... thinking I would find a new topic on the MN topic board.
I was a little sad to discover - no there is not one.
So I filled in the survey and feel a little sadder for the profile of single child families in UK, if, even somewhere generally as open-minded and free thinking as Mumsnet will only conditionally "consider" allowing us to have a space to think, feel and be together.
What makes it worse is I had a sneaky peek on netmums to see if they had a space for people like us - parents with one child - but they speak in a special sort of "hun" language that I don't understand.
(and p.s.... Have you started drafting your foocs report???? - I am serious I would love you to join the foocs - I am sure you have lots to add!)
don't think we need a section for onlies - there have been some crackingly good threads in the past which address the subject when necessary - am sure that's enough
Hello Justinemumsnet – It is really very nice to see you!
I will definately do your survey if I am I am allowed to do it? You see... I don't live in the UK so I am not entirely sure that I can do surveys and competitions?
(On the side, lots of mners don't live in the UK.... seeeee....
– we don’t have a fooc from Mumsnet towers and seriously it would be lovely and interesting if you were so kind as to join in!)
So – back to the subject in hand....tell me…. this one child family thread…??? What are your thoughts and feelings about it? Does it sound sensible to you? How can we move this sentiment forward? As it feels like it is a real issue and somehow needs moving forward, here, on forward thinking mn.
I think the should get their own topic too. I have 3 - so don't fit into larger families, and neither would I fit into and "onlies" one either. However I have friends who have onlies - not through choice, and it does appear to bring it's own set of problems.
Honestly, squeaver, I had to look the word "fascinator" up on google - had no idea what it meant!!!!
I prefer to wear low brimmed hats - they are like horses blinkers allowing me to focus in entirely on my precious first and only born - eeeerrrr........... yeeeeeaaaaah riiiiiiggggghhhhtttt!!!! Ha ha ha!!!!
Think it's worthwhile. I sometimes feel that I almost have to apologise for having only one when I'm posting on a general thread. Anticipating the reaction 'well, what do you know about it, you have no idea what it's like to deal with two or three or more...'.
Yes, it makes sense to me. I don't begrudge any of the other families their topics and think it would be good to have one for 'onlies' for all the reasons you mention, teafortwo. There are so many diverse things that people may want to discuss that having them all on one thread may become unwieldy.
Even though I have 2 I can see why one child families would want their own section, it comes with a whole set of 'issues' that "normal nuclear" types (I do NOT mean that in a bad way) do not deal with, same as large families. I think it's a good idea.
mmm... intersting, viewpoints, julesrose, Yanda and madbadanddangeroustoknow!!!
Something else I have noticed is the wide issues within being a parent of one child. There are the day to day issues of the runnings of a one child family that has a completely different ambiance to that of more than one. Our concern as parents to create a balanced individual who hasn't 'suffered' through having no siblings of course is an issue (how much is it an issue and how much is it social pressure, I wonder?)!
Then there are the deeper feelings and thoughts of parents; those who are happy and feel that having one child is living their dream, others who have been medically only able to have an only one but wanted a large family, others who had one child but are now single so haven't had another so far, those who have had not nice experiences of babyhood, birth or pregnancy, even those who have had the unthinkable become real and lost a child and now have just one living child.
These issues are impossible to deal with all in one thread but equally we all feel connected by having one child. A topic would be a better way of organising our chat.
Seriously - take a look at our messy thread, I am paraphrasing here for quick reading if I use the wrong language or seem harsh I really am sorry, I am saying "I am taking dd to India" while someoneelse is saying "I had two micarriages. The pain was awful." and someoneelse "My first baby never stopped crying" and someoneelse "My only goes to choir - brilliant" All valid and important issues but none could be talked about properly because we need a topic of "only child" and then threads where we can talk in more depth, more freely and more comfortably about all of the issues behind that "only child" title.
Just wanted to lend my support for an 'onlies' topic!
Squeaver has said it all really... But I would like to get to know some mn'ers who also have 'onlies'. So far I don't know anyone in RL (of similar age to myself) who has an only child either by choice or circumstance. All my friends find my choice to have just the one child a bit odd - so it would be great to meet some mn'ers who have that in common with me.
I think Squeaver has already said it very eloquently, but here's my two-penn'orth....
MN already has topics dedicated to larger families, lone parents, multi-cultural families and step-parenting. So MNHQ has already recognised that other types of family which do not conform to the nuclear family with 2.4 children norm or have other very specific issues to discuss can have their own topic - a topic for single/only child families has to be the next logical step.
Of course, nearly all families (except those with multiples) spend a few years with just one child, and everyone would be welcome on the topic, but there are issues to do with raising a child who will never have a sibling which deserve to be discussed under a dedicated topic.
That concludes my submission to the court, M'Learned Friends.
I would like a topic for onlies, I think that it would be useful. I don't really see why the logistical issues that face larger families are any more important than the socialisation issues that onlies face. And to me three children is a larger family. I mean FGS, there is one for sleb twaddle which is not even a parenting ishoo yet there are some of us who feel we would benefit from an onlies board and we are being told to sod off because others don't see the benefit. If you don't like it, don't look.
Oh please - where's the harm! I think it could be very useful. Most of the time with an only it's fine, but sometimes there's a whole load of guilt / anxiety etc etc and it would be nice and supportive to have somewhere to go.
there are sections for large families so there should be one for onlies.
its ONLY fair after all.
and don't give us any crap that they will only be onlies for a short while read the linked thread and you will see some of these will be onlies for good.
I agree with Squeaver... there are specific issues that effect people with just one child in the same way there are specific issues that effect chicken keepers!
If I ever find myself wondering why my chicken has crossed the road I know for sure I will be very thankful for the chicken keepers topic!!!
If I ever need support and reassurance about my only dd... whether it is travelling with her, concerns over her social skills, reassurance I am not a bad Mum for not producing siblings, ideas for good only child role models for her, ideas for stimulating and interesting outings for us or advice on friendships which I believe, through research, have a different significance for only children I would really love to have a topic to turn to.
Single child families are a big social change happening all around us in every major city, all the towns and villages not just across the UK but the developed World!
Ok, ok... Perhaps at the end of the day if you gave us a topic of our own it will just be me and Squeaver sitting about chatting about hats! However, in reality I suspect it will be well used by at least all 54(?) mners who have signed in on the one child family thread each interesting and interested people with questions, ideas, concepts, jokes, fears and sometimes with to be honest really terrible or completely amazing personal stories that they want to share! Things they so far have felt they couldn't mention because they had no postbox to put these words into!
Mn - go on - give these parents a postbox! Even just so you can post "Told you so" When I post in topic: One child "Yes but don't you think that hat will spoil my hair, Squeaver?"
I've got an only (AND I'm left handed OMDB!) but I'm not sure!
It is nice to talk to people that know what its like to have an only. Not a toddler only, because many people have until they have another, but older ones, who aren't going to get a sibling, iyswim!
However, you can just as easily start a thread about your only, if you want and it does seem that MN is segregating people these days, with all these sub-sections. I exclude so many sections these days and it seems kinda unsociable tbh! I am totally guilty of sticking to certain types of thread, but sometimes, I feel that I'm missing out on a whole host of stuff because of all these sections.
So, did I make a point there or not?! Don't think I want a devoted section, but then, I don't mind really!
I don't agree it would be "whingeing" Flame. Why should it be? I'll personally slap any whingers.
And, obviously, everyone only has one child at some point. But most of those people are planning to have more.
And I happen to think the things I mentioned ARE unique to one-child families.
And this is a parenting site, not a curly-haired, tall, left-handed people site.
And, yes, larger families do have major logistical issues. But one-child families maybe have other non-logistical things they'd like to chat to each other about (and I suppose you could say the same things about 2 or 3 children families but surely there's just more of them than there are of either only-child families or larger families??)
And I would really hope it wouldn't be divisive. Just somewhere to say hello to people in the same situation, if nothing else. Just like the folks with chickens can do.
If the topic isn't of interest or relevant to you - ignore it! That's what I do with the majority of topics on MN and I would guess that most people do too.
Well, I'm a single parent with an only child and we are both left-handed, I propose a topic dedicated to other left-handed single parent only child families.
I have an only and while I do think there are issues that arise a whole new topic would not get a lot of use because ime only child specific problems are rare.
There are a lot of things that parents of onlies get concerned about that ARE unique to having just one e.g (off the top of my head): - how to stop your child getting spoiled - how to deal with a "lonely only" - what to do about going on holiday - preparing for the future (the whole "what about when we die" debate)
Plus there are loads of reasons why people only have one child: choice/unable to conceive/by accident.
Sometimes these things need to be discussed in the comfort of a devoted topic where everyone has the same starting point. If it's a more general issue, people can still post elsewhere.
Plus it's nice to get to "know" other MNers in the same position.
Plus there's a topic for multiples, one for larger families and one for chicken-keepers.
It's certainly not going to stop me posting in S&B, behaviour/development, AIBU (when I dare), chat or anywhere else.
I do think there are issues which are specifically about only having one child, and it can be helpful to speak to other parents who are facing the same issues as you, so i think this is a good idea.
If we had a topic for onlies, we'd need a topic for families with two children, and families with three, and families with four....
They all come with specific things that only relate to that size family.
I donot want to be put in a box, nor do I think MN needs yet more sub categories and only staying in topics that relate to you.
Seriously, it isn't nneeded.
I'm sure there isn't much that relates to just having one child that parents of more than one couldn't help with, advise on and discuss too. After all, all of us started off with only one child (well, most of us anyway, multiples excluded!)
Recently we started a thread in the Parenting section for families with one child aka "onlies". There's been a good response and there are lots of things relating to having just one child that we'd like to discuss.
