Mumsnet Talk

Name-changing regular. Please don't out if you recognise.

DH's aunt died ten days ago. He wasn't especially close to his aunt, who was an aunt by marriage rather than by blood. He has many aunts as his parents both had large families. Today he went to her funeral with his sisters.

DH didn't tell me his aunt had died. Equally, he didn't tell me about the funeral. We have been married for 18 years, during which time there have been plenty of births, deaths and marriages on both sides of the family. We've always gone to them together (not the actual births). There is no family estrangement that I am aware of.
On a scale of 1-10, how odd do you think this behaviour is? Would you be rattled?

10
Rattled? Don't know. Certainly bemused.

Tres odd. Have you aksed him why he didn't mention it?

a bit odd yes. definately bemused by it

Did you ever meet her?
What was she like? How did he get on with her?

I think a few more details are needed for us to figure out how weird on a scale of 1-10

Yes I met her, but only a handful of times.

He had no explanation for this at all. I only found out by accident when I phoned him at work this morning.

Very, very odd.

It's the not mentioning it at all that I would think strange but then can you think of a reason why he would want to conceal it from you?

I honestly can't think of a reason why he wouldn't tell me. He isn't hugely emotionally upset, either. There have been several deaths in the family before.

See, I think this is beyond odd. I don't understand it and I feel a bit threatened by this.

Who told you that his aunt had died and that he had gone to the funeral? Did you find this out when you phoned his work or has he told you?

agree tis odd - is he trying perhaps to avoid you being upset by bereavement for any reason?

10. v. odd

i'm betting he forgot - went to set off for work - got a phone call from sister

thinks
"holy shit"

and fecks off quick to funeral

Very very odd.
More the fact that he didn't mention it AT ALL. Going to the funeral alone might not have rattled me if I at least knew of the death.

Will you be asking him why or letting it slide?

Very odd.

Didn't tell you she had died

Didn't tell you about the funeral.

Are his parents still alive. If so didn't they think it strange you were not there.

My immediate thought was same as Custy...he forgot and dashed there at the last min, or something.

Forgot about the funeral maybe. But why not mention she had died.

How did OP find out his aunt had died and he had gone to the funeral? Have I missed something?

I found out when I phoned him at work this morning and asked for him and they said he'd gone to a funeral. Which came as a surprise.

His parents are not alive. Can't imagine what his sisters thought.

I don't think he forgot. He didn't say he'd forgotten, anyway. And if he had forgotten, then did it slip his mind that his aunt had died as well?

Have you asked him outright?

Yes, I asked him.

He had absolutely no explanation, other than he thought I wouldn't want to go.

For the record, I've been to all funerals of family and friends without expressing anything about hating funerals or similar. I do not understand why he thought I wouldn't want to go.

Oh, I've just realised why I know that it wasn't an accident.

He left his mobile at home. I normally phone him on his mobile. But when I rang it, I heard it go off in the house. So I rang his office and they told me he wasn't coming in because he was going to a funeral.

Could he have just thought 'no big deal' and basically forgotten about it?!

x-post.

Well, obviously he didn't forget. How odd.

Maybe he didn't like the old bat?

or has inherited money from her and doesn't want to tell you because he has plonked it in a secret bank account and is planning to do a runner?

Did the aunt have a bob or two?

Silver?

A cover-blowing book in the offing?

so when did he come home? straight after the funeral/wake or at the usual time he would have come home from work?

Are you sure she's dead?

could he be having an affair and the funeral was an excuse to get a day off work?

have you spoken to his sisters ?

is there really a dead aunt ?

could be a cover for something else at work ?