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Ok this is going to be a long one....I slapped my husband today.....that's half way through the story...sorry but this will be a long one.
We met, married and got pregnant straight away. I had TB during pregnancy and also suffer from lupus. This all affected baby and she had heart block, I was told to have an abortion, i refused...now my dd is 6 years old and healthy 9with a pacemaker) after she was born we moved out of his parents house (Thank god) and I though that would be good, but it was just easier to argue reeeeeeally loudly. Then the money problems started and to cut a lonbg story short sometimes I never had money for milk...but he still found a way to live in this lavish 4-bed house and have a 'keeping up with the jones' lifestyle and managed his friday nite boys evening. I was at home all day and he came and went as he pleased, we argued alot, then I found out i was pregnant again dd was only 6 months old but we were both hapopy. 3 months into the pregancy we fought everyday and then it came....he hit me...threw me on the bed and went out. I left him...obviously came back after a few days. he hit me again when I was 6 months pregnant for about 10 minutes he slapped me while i was in bed just so easily. it became easier and happened about6-7 times and he spat at me while i was on the floor. Funny thing is i'm so strong and fiesty, the kind of girl who takes no s**t. People would be amazed if they knew i was in this mess. fast forward now and dd is 6 ds is 5 and things have been calm and happy but money problems are horrendous. we have people knocking on the door asking for wages, threats on the phone (DH has own business)and my once cool temperment is completely out of control. I used to be a lovely woman, pretty, confident and intelligent, now i'm a screaming mother who is ugly inside and out. So now to the present day, he no lkonger shouts it's me, but he talks to me like he talks to a dog, and started barking at breakfast, i screamed back and then he took my juice and poured it over mey food, i threw the plate at him and then it happended..i slapped him, then he slapped me and it went on...i now have a hand the size of a baseball and he's gone out. Help me please
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we hit eachother....it's all too much |
(32 Posts) |
it's very positive that you have got to the point where you confided on mn, then today confided in your parents.
When you reach out, life reaches back.
When you reach out, life reaches back.
I'm going to have to tell him at some point, but will leave it until i have put things into motion and i think it's best to wait until he's calmed down from yesterdays situation.
But I will have to talk to him about the children and seeing them etc.
But I will have to talk to him about the children and seeing them etc.
Glad your parents are being supportive.
I think you know what you have to do.
Do you have to stay there for the next 2 weeks? Can you not stay with your parents? Are you going to tell him that you're going?
Be careful.
I think you know what you have to do.
Do you have to stay there for the next 2 weeks? Can you not stay with your parents? Are you going to tell him that you're going?
Be careful.
Sooooo...I'm back from the day out with my parents...and as typical parents...they already knew that there were problems. They said that i have changed so much over the past 10 years since me and H have been together and that i've stopped doing all the things i used to love doing and that my personality is sad and snappy.
They were shocked that he had hit me a few times over the past 6 years bt they were gutted that I slapped him yesterday as I never did in the past even when he hit me. But something just snapped and i just lashed out. Not acceptable nonetheless.
They will support me whatever I decide and its a relief to speak to them about it.
I just have to get through the next couple of weeks with us in the same house, though we are doing our best to avoid eye contact and even being in the same room.
They were shocked that he had hit me a few times over the past 6 years bt they were gutted that I slapped him yesterday as I never did in the past even when he hit me. But something just snapped and i just lashed out. Not acceptable nonetheless.
They will support me whatever I decide and its a relief to speak to them about it.
I just have to get through the next couple of weeks with us in the same house, though we are doing our best to avoid eye contact and even being in the same room.
Your children are growing up in a domestically abusive situation.
If a neighbour reported you to the police, they would attend and inform Social Services who would then begin to closely monitor your family and whether your children are being brought up in a suitable environment.
If this is what you want, then I fel it is only a matter of time.
If a neighbour reported you to the police, they would attend and inform Social Services who would then begin to closely monitor your family and whether your children are being brought up in a suitable environment.
If this is what you want, then I fel it is only a matter of time.
Love is never never enough.
you say you & your husband LOVE your children & want them to grow up with both parent in a happy family environment then would you not both try to get some relationship counselling or anger management abuse . hope you can sort this all out . good luck
The thing is, when you are with someone, you choose do deal with money problems, relationship problems, work problems together. Everyone has arguments but not everyone resorts to hitting each other. If you love and respect someone and they love and respect you, then you would never put your hands on them in anger and vice versa.
In the future you might love someone else who doesn't hurt you. He is not the one and only option for you. You don't just find one person, love them and stay with them regardless because that's what's expected. You didn't sign up for this.
Get out of this situation, it is horrendous for your children and you don't want them growing up thinking that this is normal and for them to go on and have similar relationships themselves in future.
Hope your talk goes well with your parents. I am sure you will feel much better sharing this with them. Get your own independence, make your little family happy and maybe, just maybe, someone will come along in future who is worth letting in.
In the future you might love someone else who doesn't hurt you. He is not the one and only option for you. You don't just find one person, love them and stay with them regardless because that's what's expected. You didn't sign up for this.
Get out of this situation, it is horrendous for your children and you don't want them growing up thinking that this is normal and for them to go on and have similar relationships themselves in future.
Hope your talk goes well with your parents. I am sure you will feel much better sharing this with them. Get your own independence, make your little family happy and maybe, just maybe, someone will come along in future who is worth letting in.
You didn't 'allow' him to hit you any more than he 'allowed' you to hit him. He is entirely to blame for his violence and behaviour and so are you.
Please do confide in your parents and I hope you can get the help you need.
Please do confide in your parents and I hope you can get the help you need.
JonandHate that's exactly wat we're going through. didn't even know ther was a name for it.
Thinking clearer this morning after a good sleep. he came home at 2am and we didn't speak just went to sleep. The same i true for this morning.
I'm spending the whole day out with my parents and am going to tell them wats been going on and wat i am going to do, i will need their support.
And then i wll look for a place to live and be out by 23rd july. I don't think i'm going to discuss it with him as we always have the 'im leaving u' conversation after a row and no one ever does. or he manages to convince me it's a bad idea. or he laughs because he 'knows' i will never go through with it.
I don't blame him for all of it. I should have had more self control and even though he was the cause of the bad money decisons and over spending which ruined me financially, i should have been strong enough to put my foot down and get on with it rather than wait for him to create a miricale.
I should have remained the person i was before all of this mess. And not turned into a screamer and certainly not allowed him to hit me....and most importantly i shouldn't have hit him yesterday.
My DC's this morning have been amazing to watch they have been laughing and playing and making me cards like they do every sunday and then wake me up to show me their masterpieces. as if nothing happened....bt I know that they remember it all. and i hope their is a chance they may forget it when older but i'm not taking the chance for them to be subject to it EVER AGAIN.
Thanks all. Even Custardo. I was angry with u yesterday for calling me selfish, but t kicked me into action and made me realise that i probably am even if it was without intention.
Thinking clearer this morning after a good sleep. he came home at 2am and we didn't speak just went to sleep. The same i true for this morning.
I'm spending the whole day out with my parents and am going to tell them wats been going on and wat i am going to do, i will need their support.
And then i wll look for a place to live and be out by 23rd july. I don't think i'm going to discuss it with him as we always have the 'im leaving u' conversation after a row and no one ever does. or he manages to convince me it's a bad idea. or he laughs because he 'knows' i will never go through with it.
I don't blame him for all of it. I should have had more self control and even though he was the cause of the bad money decisons and over spending which ruined me financially, i should have been strong enough to put my foot down and get on with it rather than wait for him to create a miricale.
I should have remained the person i was before all of this mess. And not turned into a screamer and certainly not allowed him to hit me....and most importantly i shouldn't have hit him yesterday.
My DC's this morning have been amazing to watch they have been laughing and playing and making me cards like they do every sunday and then wake me up to show me their masterpieces. as if nothing happened....bt I know that they remember it all. and i hope their is a chance they may forget it when older but i'm not taking the chance for them to be subject to it EVER AGAIN.
Thanks all. Even Custardo. I was angry with u yesterday for calling me selfish, but t kicked me into action and made me realise that i probably am even if it was without intention.
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