I'm in a very happy relationship with my DP and after agreeing to start trying for a baby this year, back in January, I've been waiting for the green light to get cracking.
My DP had said that certain financial things had to be sorted before we could start trying so I've been holding out but also explaining to him that we are financially a lot better off than most people having children and that there will never be a perfect time anyway. He insisted that we wait. I was frustrated but respected that this was something important to him.
Yesterday he finds out that his best friend's wife is pregnant - he tells me he has some 'exciting news' for me and drops this bombshell. I was gutted. I've been trying to be patient, but everybody I know is having babies at the moment.
He then tells me he has other exciting news - that after hearing this news, he has decided he thinks we should start trying after all. I was furious with him, unbelievably hurt and desperately upset. (some of you probably think I should have just cracked open the bubbly and been celebrating) but...
Because his best friend is doing it, it must be ok? Did he think I would be so upset at the news that he thought he better just give in? This couple are the first in our group of friends to be pregnant and the thought of 'jumping on the baby bandwagon' makes me feel physically sick. I know that we've been planning to have a baby well before this other couple and though you may think I'm totally irrational, I was totally devastated.
He told me that he had in fact been afraid, that having a baby was a huge thing but that knowing this other couple are expecting, has reassured him! I should have been enough reassurance! Not having his best buddy there to hold his hand. I just can't get over it. I feel he has betrayed me, lying to me all this time, getting my hopes up thinking I was waiting for these financial issues to be resolved and actually I wasn't.
He acknowledges he was being selfish but I just don't know what to do.
I do want to start trying but not like this. So now I feel so torn. I feel my trust and bond with him has been broken because he wasn't honest with me. He is genuinely sorry, I know that - he was physically sick when he thought I was going to leave because I reacted so badly to this 'exciting news'.
What do I do? We've kind of sorted some things out - I said that we should just forget about what he said, see how things go and then when my next cycle begins, see how we feel about trying then. But every time I think about it, I feel sick to my stomach. This is something I've wanted for so long but now I just don't know whether it is a good idea. I'm so hurt.
Please, does anyone have any advice?
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Relationships
To try or not to try
polkadotty · 25/06/2009 15:14
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