Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Daydreamdolly 10.5 months on from husband leaving for other woman

(42 Posts)

Well all, I thought it was time I updated my position, it may give others in similar situations some comfort. Sorry I can't find my original thread which was started 7th October 2012, the night my H told me he was leaving me, and our two young DD's for a woman he'd been having an affair with for the past 2 years.
I received some amazing support and advice that truly helped me through the darkest of times. And it was dark. I don't think it could have got any darker.
The first 3 months were horrendous. He moved in with the OW immediately and started taking my DD's (3 and 6months at the time of the split) to stay with them. This was a struggle and I must admit I went out a lot got very drunk and often did things I would have regretted, had I been in my right mind. As t was, I didn't feel anything for a long time.
Anti depressants were prescribed, counselling was undertaken, and 'project new better life' was launched.
And now? God I am so happy. I am free of a mysogynistic, narcissistic control freak of a husband, my girls are growing up happy and healthy, and I have a lovely new man in my life who has made me see what I've been missing all these years.
If I didn't have such contempt for my ex and the OW I would thank them profusely.
So, to anyone else in this position, it may not feel like it right now, but you will survive, and not only that, you will live better. This is my ultimate revenge. Living well.
And to all those who supported me on my original thread, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your friendship and kindness.
Daydream.

tessa6 Wed 21-Aug-13 19:17:03

wonderful story, well done and thanks for posting.

fifi669 Wed 21-Aug-13 19:17:13

smile

Leverette Wed 21-Aug-13 19:46:02

flowers

Brilliant!

MexicanHat Wed 21-Aug-13 19:47:48

Wonderful smile x

Looksgoodingravy Wed 21-Aug-13 19:49:25

Such great news DDDolly, I remember you and the awful time you went through!

Here's to a better, brighter future x

BitOutOfPractice Wed 21-Aug-13 19:49:56

Fabulous!

I am 12 months on from a very very painful split too and oh my goodness I've never been happier. Kids are smashing. Work is going great. And I have met a wonderful man who looks like a keeper

Well done Daydream! You're a star!

ZolaBuddleia Wed 21-Aug-13 19:51:27

I remember your thread! How fab that things are now really good for you. Well done. flowers

mammadiggingdeep Wed 21-Aug-13 19:51:28

Didn't read your original thread but bloody hell....got a lump in my throat reading that!!!

Fantastic and inspirational. Thankyou for sharing
X

DogonBed Wed 21-Aug-13 19:54:04

I was on that thread under another name smile I always worried that you'd gone back to him (such a temptation when it all seems so horrible and hard) Yeah to this update!!!!

wine

Sidge Wed 21-Aug-13 19:59:29

Great news smile

I am in a similar situation - kicked STBXH out last July when I discovered his ?18 month affair. He is living with OW and seems happy enough. I am awaiting my Decree Absolute. I am seeing a lovely man who treats me like a princess, values me, respects me, cares for me and isn't cheating on me grin

Even if my new man wasn't on the scene I am still far happier than I was 12-18 months ago - I am not living a life of distrust, suspicion, misery and anxiety. I am not living with someone who had no respect for me, didn't value me or what I do, didn't give a shiny shite how me and our children felt. It was all about him.

It's incredibly liberating - life is a million percent better than it was and I'm glad yours is too smile

Thanks everyone smile Sidge and Bitoutofpractice, so pleased you have both found your happiness too!
Life is unpredictable but there's nothing better than seeing the sunshine after the rain!
Dog, that's why I updated as I went very quiet on MN and wondered if people thought I may have gone back to him. So utterly glad I didn't!
I think the OW may be wondering what the hell she's done now he's broke and bringing 2 young children to her flat every weekend grin

Onmyownwith4kids Fri 23-Aug-13 22:01:33

It's such an inspiration to read your update. My husband of 14 years has left after I discovered his affair. I'm on my own now with four children and spend every evening dealing with tantrums, bed time and responsibilities thinking about the lovely life he must be having with her. Young with no kids and domestic drudgery. I can't imagine ever living without this grief and deep sense of inadequacy that I've been at faul. Are you now completely over him or are there still moments of sadness. I can't imagine getting over this, finding anyone else who wants to take on 4 kids or trusting anyone again. It's horrible.

Pomegranatenoir Fri 23-Aug-13 22:11:45

Dolly lovely to hear your update! You did good girl!!!
I was always in awe of your strength and spirit and it looks like you really have had the last laugh. Life takes us on some funny journeys - we have a choice to sink or swim. You swam and it paid off.

I was in similar position to you and now the dark clouds have lifted and life is a happy place. Much happier than it was when I was married.

There is life after a cheat. And remember what the ow has got.... A man that cheats! Doesn't feel like such a prize. No way could I ever live my life wondering if he would do it me too. OW - you are welcome to your cheating men!!

skyeskyeskye Sat 24-Aug-13 03:03:28

Thanks for the update Dolly. Gives hope to people like me, that it will all come right in the end

MmeGuillotine Sat 24-Aug-13 20:31:02

Great update, Dolly! I remember your original thread and am so glad that things have worked out so well for you! smile

Onmyown, I am out at the moment but I will pm you tomorrow. I have felt exactly how you are feeling. I know what you are going through. It's still hard at times dealing with all the drudgery but it also becomes easier as time goes on to deal with it alone. I know how dark it can get. Lots of love xx

Pome your post is spot on! Exactly that.

skat73 Sat 24-Aug-13 21:15:26

This post gives me so much hope. My H left me 6 weeks ago and its so hard. I have two dc one 6 months and one 5 im just trying to get through the days. I would be interested to find out how you coped with your little one being away over night they are so young. But its lovely to read your post and gives me hope rhat these dark days may end one day.

thecook Sat 24-Aug-13 21:20:59

How lovely to come back and update us. Your story will help other ladies to get through those dark days.

You are an inspiration OP.

Thank you thecook , too many of us have had to deal with this shite, I wanted to let others know, you can do this, and not only that you can do it well. Remarkably well!
Skat, hang in there it's such early days for you and I remember them well. You will be here posting an update as happy as mine in the fullness of time. You just have to keep on keeping on and do it for you and your children. You already are and that's something to feel immensely proud of.
I will pm you tomorrow, lets talk xx

skat73 Sun 25-Aug-13 08:21:18

Thanks daydream. It really helps me be positive messages like yours.

UterusUterusGhali Sun 25-Aug-13 08:41:13

So happy for you dolly!
You were a great comfort to me when my husband walked out. I'm still in the swamp of dispair, but your post gives me hope. Thank you. (((UMNH)))

mrsmciver Sun 25-Aug-13 15:16:42

Well done dolly!!

Very pleased for you, I am 5 months on after husband of 27 years walked out, I have been to some very very dark places and I never want to go there again. I am very worried about such a lot of things too, mainly financial, but I can honestly say I am getting better and stronger! I have to, as I will need to fight him through the courts. I want to live my life well, and I will, my girls and my granddaughter will all get through this too. We will live and love well without him.

Congratulations to you again dolly, a thread like this gives us hope for the future.

cakeisnotaproperbreakfast Sun 25-Aug-13 20:08:30

Such a wonderful & inspiring post Dolly. Thanks. I am in the same place as onmyown, it's been 5 months since STBXH left to live with his parents <code word in his mind for OW> citing that it was my fault... I was an awful wife, a controlling person and that "if you are really lucky, you will meet someone as nice as me at some point in the future"
I am trying to live my life well & I have moments of this but the divorce has not, & is not, going to be pleasant (he objected strongly to me citing his violence towards the 2 older children in my petition) and he has now applied to court for a contact order.
Your post has lifted my spirits today Dolly, I find weekends
& bank hols especially hard, so thank you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now